My gambling

Hi Colin - Well done on your decision to do something about your compulsive gambling.

You seem like a decent, caring person with lots of abilities - have you tried to analyse exactly why you gamble? I know the 'buzz' is the initial attraction, but sometimes it's good to think about the triggers for this behaviour - is it stress, boredom, trying to forget other problems in your life? Perhaps counselling would help - Gamcare can help you with that one.

But the important thing is that you have resolved to rid yourself of this destructive habit before it is too late. You have a family you love - do it for their sakes as well as your own. And you will do it - the journey may be rocky, but if you are determined then you will reach your destination of a saner, happier life.

Try to log into this site daily - you will find lots of support and encouragement here.

Also have a look at the 2014 Challenge on the 'Overcoming problem gambling' page - it's all explained on the first page. If you can commit to doing your best to stop gambling then it's a great help and support as it's a team effort and we all bolster each other up in the ups and downs of recovery.

Best wishes for your journey

Joanna

Thanks Joanne I suppose before I came on this site I pictured a problem gambler man who works hits the pub after work then a bookies.

I am shocked at how big a problem it is and how many woman are gambling.

Having admitted it now I feel determined to better my life and set myself a target of putting money away instead of wasting it.

The main issue (prob with most gamblers) is boredom.

Once I have gambled there is nothing else I want to do. Can't focus on tv, reading if I have lost I don't want to be around my family and punish them for me being an idiot.

It is just such a pointless, destructive way of living.

I also do it when I am feeling low or tired. I work in oil rig industry so I am always working and tired.

It takes me a lot of hard work to earn my money but then in a matter of hours it can be gone.

I am going to keep logging in to the site and try to help people like me as hope they can help me.

Thank you

Hi Colin - Glad you are seeing things in a more positive light. You are quite right about your initial perception of a 'typical' gambler - compulsive gambling is no respecter of age, gender or background. I am a grandmother in her sixties, well-educated and with a very blessed and comfortable lifestyle, yet I became hooked on stupid online slots at a low-ish point in my life. So I can fully understand your predicament of gambling to relieve the pressures of work.

The important thing to do is put those barriers up between you and the chance of gambling - self exclusion, blocking software.

Then to find things to replace all that wasted time and money - music, exercise, returning to those interests you had before gambling took hold. Also, as you say, logging into this site will be very useful, and it is surprising how quickly newcomers can start to help others which in turn helps them in their own journey too.

Very best wishes for your continued recovery.

Joanna

Thanks for the reply Joanne your very right it is so easy when you are vulnerable to do things you wouldn't do usually.

If I can get through this whole and weekend I will be happy.

Sounds daft but little things like reading, watching movies are so much fun and relaxing but not when you have just blown 500 quid.

I think I am starting to finally see what it does to people and like say I am so suprised by the struggles others have had.

Luckily I have accrued no real debt because of it but I hope to have spare money then can so other things I want for my family.

Thanks

hi Colin, just to say a few things.

1) Other activities like films going out with family watching tv reading etc etc will become far more enjoyable after a few days / weeks of abstinence from gambling. As your mind clears & the gambling obsession lessens, you will naturally regain interest in other things. Gambling not only consumes your money, but can easily fill all or nearly all of your head space. Think about the implications : you are mentally & emotionally absent from your partner & child, your child is growing up, this is time you will never get back. Think about how you are depriving your child of things : days out / fun experiences / gifts etc, every time you blow that money gambling instead. And the time you could spend with her instead of on gambling ?

2) if you're borrowing money at high interest rates to gamble frequently, you lose twice. a) you're spending a huge amount on interest payments & charges b) then blowing the rest on gambling. It doesn't make sense. Even if you manage to break even gambling (the very best you can realistically hope for in the long term), you've still lost all that money in interest & bank charges etc. So you're on a DOUBLE-LOSER there. NEVER EVER BORROW ANY MONEY TO GAMBLE. If you ain't got the money to have a bet, ask yourself why ? It's because you P****d it away gambling.

3) take a few hours somewhere in the countryside or by the sea somewhere to get some clarity think about what you're doing as though you're observing someone else doing it. Have you ever seen some fool buying loads of scratchcards / lottery tickets in a shop & thought to yourself 'what a mug' then later on lost far more money than them online ? Yet if you're like most compulsive gamblers you don't normally judge yourself the same way.

4) if you have any payday loans outstanding pay them off first, the interest & charges are a total rip off, it's legalised theft (just as with the betting corporations). Once that's done, think about ringing up all of your card companies & reporting ALL of your debit cards & credit cards lost (just say you lost your wallet). That way you cannot gamble online, no valid cards = no ability to gamble. When the replacements arrive, maybe come clean with your partner tell her to look after the sealed envelopes for a while & HIDE them, for as long as it takes, as your gambling has got out of control. Give it a month at the very least before using them, you can always get cash for living expenses out of the bank branch with ID, just don't go into the bookies with the cash once you've got it.

5) as your head clears & you start to do & enjoy other things esp with your family, make yourself aware that you are actually enjoying these things far more than gambling, & the / mental / emotional cost is far less. Really look at the value - the real value - of your partner & child & the experiences that you can have with them. Your kid will grow up fast, if you're physically / emotionally / psychologically absent through gambling not only will you give her far less attention & love, you will miss out on the experience of watching her grow up. Once you start to value these things instead of gambling, you will begin to look at gambling with disgust as an activity for mugs being exploited by the large betting co.'s who know the suffering they cause, & you wont envy people who gamble, you will feel sorry for them.

Hi Colin - I understand what you mean about the gut-wrenching feeling that you have just lost x amount of money and therefore can't really relax enough to enjoy 'normal' things.

However the important thing to remember is that the money lost is gone, kaput - and no amount of fretting about it will get it back.

There is a danger of course, and we have all been there, of thinking that just one more bet could win it all back - FORGET IT! There is a saying on here: "I cannot win because I cannot stop." and that is so true.

Next, remember that with every day that passes without your gambling then that is money saved - your honest, hard-earned money that can go towards a really nice treat for the family. Best wishes for the coming days - you will feel so good about yourself in a few days' time.

Joanna

All good advice. Its a horrendous addiction it really is, and it only gets worse, stakes get higher, debts gets bigger, life gets harder.

SO take action now my friend, theres a world of help out there, it took me to relaspe after relaspe and lose all my savings and become in debt to finally give me the kick up the ar se to finally admit I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE, and I CAN LIVE WITHOUT GAMBLING! As it s brought me nothing but pain and misery thats it, the occasional win is simply just stake money , we cannot win as we cannot stop. We win when we stop.