Good Evening,
I'm not too sure how to start with all of this.I first noticed that I had a problem back at the start of 2014 when I had ended up losing all of my savings. I was unable to tell any one about my problem and it was only by my family realising my financial situation that the truth came out. My family took control of my finances and made it impossible for me to bet which at the time was the best thing for me. They were hurt by all the lies and they felt let down that I was unable to go to them and admit my problem. The rest of the year went by and the relationships felt strong again. My urge to bet however sparked up again at the start of 2015 when a few big wins on the horses only increased my urge to bet. Once again, I did not say anything to my family or to my girlfriend. Instead I found myself hiding what I was doing and my financial situation only got worse. I had once again spent my savings, sold my ps4 and ended up taking out a couple of pay day loans. It was only after months of my girlfriend knowing that I wasn't myself that I actually broke down and admitted my situation. She was hurt that I had lied to her about it all and that I didn't ask for help. My family blamed themselves for letting me get back into a situation that was worse than the one in 2014. However, I was the only one who could be blamed for this. I was oblivious to the severity of the situation I had gotten myself into. I had severely damaged the trust with all of them and it's going to take a long time to rebuild that. The reason I am posting this evening is because I have once again made the situation worse and I am scared that I have now lost the love of my life due to my actions this week. After going a couple of months without placing a bet I stupidly did so. I immediately regretted it, however rather than being open and honest with my supportive family and girlfriend, I thought it would be better to not say anything at all. This has only made the trust situation worse as they now know that I did place a bet and that rather than being honest with them that I made a mistake, I used vindictive lies to deceive them. I have been going to counselling on Monday evenings to try and get to the bottom of why it is that I am addicted to gambling and it has been helpful to able to discuss my feelings in a confidential situation. However, I'm unsure how i can ever rebuild these damaged relationships and regain the trust of the ones I love the most. I'm feeling lost.
To be honest stopping is more impotant than knowing why. Knowing why will not make you stop so I think you should focus on stopping and work out why later.
Thanks Michael. I just want to be able to stop and not hurt those closest to me anymore. I don't know why I couldn't just admot to them what I had done rather than lying about it
Benny,
If you read the forum, you'll see that plenty of people have stopped but not by will power alone.
If you want to stop - your decision - then do what it takes to break the time-money-location triangle. Lip service, thinking about it, "next week", promises etc are meaningless.
What counts are the changes that you actually make. Whether you do or don't go to GA meetings and/or arrange and attend counselling. Whether you do or don't hand over financial control, including your bank card. Whether you do or don't self exclude and install blocking software.
Wish you well.
CW
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