Hi,
I am still unsure if this is going to work. I started gambling about 4/5 years ago. It was mainly poker and slots.
I got hooked on the rush of poker especially. One hand I'm down and out the other I'm flying high and also the opposite was true. I gambled a lot when me and my partner moved in with each other for the first time. She said she needed sometime to herself so I went to poker. I ended up gambling away £1000 in one night very soon. Worse it was her money.
We agreed that I would stop and I did. No more poker and I would be allowed a coupon and that is all.
A year later I started gambling again and now I have done the same again. I technically haven't lost money but I have lost what I won and spent the money I won on things but used money that I wasn't supposed to to continue gambling.
See I know that above was an excuse. I need help to figure out if I am ever going to be able to be come a gambler that does not have the urge to gamble all the time and chase loses and that I can go to poker or put a coupon on now and then.
Really sorry about the long windedness of this post.
Thanks
Hi GW47, welcome to recovery...I'm pushing 🙂
That was not a long winded opener & you never need to apologise on here for openness! Not sure which bit of my diary you read but thank you for your post! It's aImost impossible for our partners to understand something we don't understand ourselves but what we can offer them in recovery is honesty! Truth is, for us compulsive gamblers (ones like you & I that gamble other people's futures) we cannot win because we cannot stop & so there is no such thing as control! I only came looking for help too (with hindsight, help was wanted to stop me losing) & was gutted to read that there is no such thing! @ the time, giving it up was terrifying & I'm still only & the start of my recovery journey but I have no regrets, except not starting it sooner! I don't even know what a coupon is but the party line is to beat this illness, we need to quit full stop! I am a poor example to follow because I have continued to play the lottery occasionally & in truth I have had more fights with these type of urges than anything else as even leaving one door to gambling open keeps addiction alive!
Would you want to marry someone who constantly lied to you? 240 days in recovery is a substantial amount of time to start building bridges but you owe your partner the truth so that an informed decision can be made! We are manipulative & sneaky & this is a progressive disease, just because you haven't lost money yet, gambling is taking your integrity & without that, we begin to fall apart! Speak up, get help from Gamcare counselling, meetings (GA for you Gamanon for your loved ones), come here (both of you), anywhere really for support & whilst you are doing this, get your gambling triangle (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) broken so you can start to heal!
You have to want recovery more than you want your next bet because it takes time & effort but I can assure you, it's worth everything you have to give! Time to draw a line under your past & start planning your future - ODAAT
Hello,
As ODAAT, says, no, you can't be a social gambler now. It's an addiction and one bet is the same as one little drink for an alcoholic - you've already found that once you start, you can't stop. Hence the advice from GA that the bet to avoid is the first one.
re telling your OH, I have v strong views on this because my husband let us (me and the children) find out the hard way after it had been going on for a very long time. My previous ignorance was based on his lies, the barefaced lies that he told me and the equally barefaced lies that he didn't tell me, i.e. his lies by omission, not mentioning the gambling, not mentioning the debt. The betrayal and damaged caused by the deceit is extensive, it touches everything in the relationship. And if you look at the Forum, those in long term recovery aren't worried about their OHs finding out, honesty prevails and they already know. Those who want to quietly fix it without telling their OHs get nowhere, because recovery is based on honesty.
I would urge you to tell her but at the same time, and much more importantly, show her and keep showing her what you are doing to overcome it. Go to meetings, get counselling, block your devices and ditch your smartphone, hand over financial control. Actions speak louder than words, what you do will make the difference.
Wish you well,
CW
Thank you. It does feel like I have made a step forward .Just heart breaking that it feels like a huge part of who I am is over. I still have money online in account with more money to go that's why I haven't pressed withdrawal. I guess next big test is withdrawing it when the money goes in.
If you're serious about stopping, then stop. Now, because "tomorrow" never comes. Permanently self exclude, tell them to confirm but otherwise not to contact you again by any means. Unsubscribe to stray emails.
When we closed my husband's account at betonanythingyoulike dot com, they returned all money due (pennies!). He didn't need to withdraw. So you shouldn't need to go there.
BW,
CW
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