Need help

Hi Teacher...Im in the same boat. Had a good financial record till this beast took hold. We will never ever win back what we lost...even the big jackpot payout...we will always go back for more so we will never win. Its strange that even I know this too well...once the addictive brain takes over...there is no way to stop and walk away...ever. I am on day one of a rollercoaster ride...broken battered and bruised from it all....The only way is forward...you must stop now. I am on day 1...after several attepmts and major relapses...it gets harder and harder to crawl back each time so please stop now. We all deserve a better life than this s**t.

Hi validation

I read all your posts. You should applaud yourself, you fall off but pick yourself up and start again.

I get very sick thinking about the money I have wasted in such a short time.

I, like you are taking one day at a time.

I hope we will reach our goals and keep them!!

Never say never - just say one day at a time!

Liz

This cycle of madness has certainly thought me resiliance. I really only have 2 options...start again or stay where I am. If I keep doing what I am doing then I will most certainly end up in an institution or worse, dead because of it. I really really had no idea about gambling addiction or the power it has until coming on here back in March. I thought then that I had learned enough to understand about the pitfalls...but jeez am I still only just getting to terms with the fact than I am a full blown addict. I kinda thought I had a 'problem' before but it never really occured to me that I am in fact an absolute addict. I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be living the life that I am living. The only way is forward. The sick feeling of money is devestating...but moeny is only the tool. There are underyling problems...as someone here pointed out...its the emotional damage we do to ourselves and we need to treat the underlying cause. Money will come again...once we stop gambling.The debts will take care of themselves once we start to treat the real issue which is the addiction. I am looking forward now to meeting the councellor tomorrow...a little apprehensive as Im afraid of what I might be labelled as...Maybe they will discover that I have an untreatable condition...I hope not...but these feelings of anxiety will probably remain with me til i take the plunge and see what occurs. One day at a time. I keep thinking...this time next year it wont all seem so bad...if I keep to my gamble free life. I wish you the best...there is no other way but to STOP right now.

Hi Valdba

I am glad you are seeing a counsellor. I am the same I have underlying issues which I know but having to face them is frighting.

I do really want to stop and had the urge to go to the casino today but I am telling myself no.

I hope we both overcome this terrible addiction.

Good luck with the counsellor. Xx

Hi Valdba

How are you today? Still not gambling.

Long way to go.

How did your counselling session go?

HI Teacher...congrats on no gambling...me too thankfully! Counselling was good...I cried most of the hour!..So many emotions.I know that I must treat the underlying problem...the gambling is just the way my inner demons presents itself. I feel so much calmer and so much more in control after even one session...its like a weight has been lifted. I hope the next few sessions will help me understand more and manage this addiction. Hope you are doing well...I would definately recommend talking to a professional..sorry I wasnt brave enough to go sooner..

Hi there . To give you some hope I was in a debt management plan for 7 years and run up additional £25k worth of debt during . My credit rating was abysmal . I really couldn’t see me having much more in life than living month to month . Although my wife and children didn’t go without I did and felt unworthy of it all. I could be providing them more and I wasn’t . Xmas just gone was the last time I gambled . I took a £2k loan out at 45% apr and it went in 2 hours . Fast forward 8 months and now my credit rating is perfect . All of the financial problems are gone . So far in the fact that we are looking at buying a 5 bedroom home complete with a bar and snooker room . Now I’m not telling you that to brag . It’s plain economics . It’s virtually costing me the same to do this as I am paying in my mortgage now , all due to the better interest rate that will be available to me . Non of this was possible when gambling . I’m sleeping better , not stressed about things and able to do normal things like today took wife and kids to the cinema and then macdonalds . This is just in 8 months and every day I realise what my life is now and what it was and could be should I go back to gambling . If I can do it after gambling close on 25 years , there is hope for anyone . Work on yourself and start becoming a different person or the person you were before gambling took over

Hi Teacher and Val,

Like Bryan, I bring forth hope!

I remember the dark, increasing, all encompassing feeling of hopelessness that was devouring me, as I hit relapse after relapse after relapse. After a while I’d all but given up trying to give up. I’d self exclude deep down knowing I’d be back within the week.

Then it all changed when I just stopped. I just stopped accepting that this was going to be my life until my dying day to... I am never going to gamble again. Ever.

That was the crucial missing bit of the puzzle as far as I was concerned. No more promising myself a little gamble in 6 months if I kept away during that period. Not only did I never manage to keep away more than a week or 2 anyway, allowing myself that little reward gamble was the problem. Once I accepted that the money had gone, accepted I would never gamble again, the haze lifted.

It’s not been easy but boy has it been worth it. In a little over 3 months my finances are starting to look healthy once more and much more importantly, I’ve rewired my brain through changing my mindset in this way.

Getting support is absolutely crucial as well. You will never be able to do it on your own. So whether that’s your other half and/or counselling and/or GA and/or this forum. As much of it as you can. And one more word... GAMSTOP!!

It does feel sometimes like it might come across as bragging. Look at me gamble free for 100 days. I really hope it doesn’t as that’s so far from what I am trying to convey. More a case of me trying to get across, simply, if I can do it from where I was, then I honestly believe so can anyone It will happen, keep plugging away, keep believing.

I think the relapses actually serve a purpose as well, in that, weirdly, we almost HAVE to go through them in order to come out the other side. It would be nice to think we lose a little money then say to ourselves ‘hang on, this is a mug’s game’ and stop, never to gamble again. But alas, it simply isn’t like that to us CGs. We have to go through the mire, lose a fortune and get on the relapse rollercoaster before we can think about getting off. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here on this forum now.

The key really is acceptance. Accept your losses are gone. Accept gambling is not going to be a part of your life EVER again. Once you’ve got that, honestly, you’re already over half way to beating this life destroying illness.

Keep strong and good luck

|Thank you so much Bryan and Ukds69 for taking the time to reply.

I know you guys have been writing here before and supporting me and it means all the more now when you still take time out to do this even after Ive really f****d up with these replapses. I think you are right Ukds69 in that it is unfortunate that the replapses seem to be part of the gambling addiction and recovery process...alomost as if you HAVE to go through that stage to come out the other side. I quit smoking after 25 years...cold turkey and 11 days later still doing ok. A few reasons for this...apart from it being so damaging to my health...and not being able to afford the huge cost of a pack a day now. I really beleive its all part of my bigger issue of addiction...and mindless stagger though life existance at the moment. The gambling is the thing that has brought me to my knees...but because it has the biggest instant impact...with huge financial loss. But I know and I know and I know...that the gambling is just a mask for a much deeper issue of lack of control..lack of confidence...lack of self worth etc. I am hoping that the councelling can somehow help me to rewire my damaged brain and start thinking and living differently. Thanks again for your contiuned support....it really does mean alot that you would come on here to help me again even after all the d**n replapses.