Need to do more

Oh and on top of that I also have a spending problem I use paypal but really should close it down, but I cant as i have paypal credit and a lot of my gambling transactions are used by paypal I have no money in my bank yet paypal allows  you to deposit hundreds with no questions, Is there anyone going through the same thing with using paypal for gambling?  The problem is i sometime sell stuff on ebay so i use paypal. I am at a lost in what to do 🙁

Hi thanks for sharing your story - I'm very similar in a lot of regards. My issue is also with slots and I was able to lose HUGE amounts in a short space of time using PayPal.. 

Are you making more from selling on Ebay than what you are losing through PayPal? If you're not, maybe the answer is to shut down or at least get all the funds out of PayPal the moment they hit the account. I've personally gave all the access to my finances to my partner and have very limited funds in my current account. I removed the business account from my online banking etc etc and have continued to look for ways to create a fortified defence between me and gambling.

You are here. It will be ok..

Here's my diary of the past week - hope it helps in some way!   https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/new-members-intros-forum/new-member-relapsed-again-last-night/

Thank you so much for your reply, after ebay fees and paypal i'm not making anything I think i'ts more something I enjoy doing plus selling on all the stuff I don't really need which i keep buying on ebay, I was going to contact paypal to try and stop all transactions but after reading up on it don't look like I will get anywhere, last night was just awful i went into a zombie like state and kept going and going pleading for a win and again this morning I feel so numb i cant concentrate i been here before but last night was the most I lost and it only took less then an hour, I just can not get my head round it, all i keep thinking is i need that money back, i wish i could fast forward a few weeks and be gamble free. I have looked at gamstop again and will send off my documents but in the meantime what do i do about this need to win my lost money the urges to do so is terrible, my head is in such a state and my partner is so fed up with me, i just feel like i have let everyone down. Sorry for going on just writing it down and other people going though the same thing makes me feel not alone. Thank you for your link i will read that now 

Hi Sha

I am another online slots addict, I have the same feelings keep chasing the loss, then if up just think I will win bigger till none left. Can you put a timeout on the site you use for a few weeks till gamstop is sorted?. I signed up to gamstop yesterday after losing my last few hundred pounds, then got tax rebate today and devil on my shoulder wanted to go straight back online. I think like you I need to find something to replace the buzz, when you do sign up for gamstop be strong and press the 5 year option, I pressed 1 year then felt weak, I think it will help, can you talk to family about it?.

OK, I will tell you one advice, but please listen to me!

Whatever GAMSTOP is asking you to provide, give it to them and I will tell you why!

I was online gambler, never to go to bookies or casinos. I had a problem with online gambling, a huge one, I gambled a lot of money, then I thought I am going to a self-exclude using GAMSTOP, I registered, they asked me for proof of address, picture with passport....Initially I was very skeptical for the whole process, but I did it, I have sent them everything and in few days they exclude me for everywhere.

I am not an everyday gambler, I gamble once in two-three weeks, but when I gamble I was wasting a lot of money. I registered for GAMSTOP, few emails came and gone, few more from gambling sites...in few weeks I had like 10-ish emails telling me I unregistered. After that I tried to log in to any of the gambling sites I was using and I could not. My first salary after the exclusion came, I had money to gamble, but no decent site would registered me, so I did not gamble. The time was passing, I stop gambling and start organizing my finance and life creating spreadsheet with expenditure and income...

Today I had few pints in the pub with my friends, I came home and if I could gamble - I would have, but I can't! Why? GAMSTOP is preventing it! Instead I came to this site to read few stories. 

If you are an online gambler I would highly recommend you to register for GAMSTOP, long term it is going to work. 

I am over a month gambling free, around 35 days. 

Please listen to this advice. 

Thank you so much for your reply, yes i have now done that to all sites, my family don't understand all they say is the usual your never win, the house always win etc and your do it again just wish gamstop would of verified me ages ago but if's and maybe is not going to help, i even played demo games but that is just as bad because if it pays out i stupidly think it pay out on me but never do, when i first played them awful slots it seemed they paid out better but now nothing i think my luck cant be that bad it got to pay at some point but as we all know even if it did i would want more and lose the lot, which i have done in the past same as pending withdrawals i done that too and lost the lot, but it is  the need to win back what i lost i need to try and stop thinking about it it's gone now,but i cant help it 🙁

Just register to GAMSTOP, give them picture with your driving licence or passport, give them everything they want. I was doing selfies at 1:00 in the morning.

Month later I can see it it was not for nothing. I had two salaries in my account and I did not gamble thank to GAMSTOP.

Just do it! You will be very grateful in a month or 2 

 I do the same sha , have won thousands withdrawn half lost other half then reversed withdrawal saying to myself I will just get back up to same amount then withdrawal, hour later all gone?. You must try and be strong and like you say admit it is gone. Just try and replace the buzz.

Hi Sha,

I am a fellow online slots "J****E" and hear loud and clear the struggles you're facing. 

I used to do demo games also and then immediately (or a day after) my brain would tell me that I'm safe to go live because...hey - looks like it does pay out... but we both know the reality, it never does or, in other words - we put it all back in plus more.

We cant win because we cant stop. Stakes are increasing when desperation to chase goes over the roof. 

It's progressive addiction. It can strip us down in no time, take away everything we hold dear to us and I'm not only talking about finances. It takes massive chunk of us away too. 

I am registered with Gamstop also. It truly does it's job so please speak to them and provide necessary documentation. I found advisers on there very helpful and they respond quite quickly. 

Save yourself,....you're worth so much more in life and as we both know - gambling will not provide you peace of mind, happiness and promising future. Only you can do it, You have a choice, make the right one!

Rooting for you & please keep us updated!

You got this! ?

Hi love...

Thanks for posting on my diary.....I'm sorry to read you're still struggling with you're addiction. ......and that the registration system with gamstop is so difficult .....but like others have said.....it's worth it in the end....I wish I could bottle and pass on the feeling of total freedom I enjoy now.....the peace in my head is magical.....the life I lead is all I ever wanted.....the type of life I thought an online slot win would give me.....but in actual fact ....those online slots were stopping me from living how I do now.......every pound they took off me lead me further away from what I wanted.....every hour I spent spinning those reels....took me further away from those who matter......a totally one sided relationship......with an online slot machine.....crazy.....I can see it all now. ....that perfect storm brewing up....right from the very first spin......wallop ! Suddenly I was an active addict.....didn't see that coming....close all those last doors love......do whatever you got to do to make returning to slots difficult.....ideally impossible......as long as you're addiction thinks it can drag you back to the slots....I reckon it will keep on and on at you...you said ....you wished you had my willpower......and yes I suppose i must have had some......if that's the right word for fighting with everything I had .....just to stay away from slots. ....to finally realize I was not being taken for a complete mug anymore.....I remember in my early days I would imagine the staff on the site I played on watching me...."look at her....here's that idiot loxxie again.....deposting yet again...how can she be so gulable to think she'll win....doesn't she realise the site always wins.....ohhh look another deposit....don't worry...if she's gets a win....she'll never withdraw it....or if she does....she'll reverse it while it's pending....she's a mug....she's an addict. ....the best type of customer our site likes.....we even made her a vip player....so she'll deposit more and more.....but....let's not worry about her....she's paying our wages "

Bit of a long old waffle sha ....but......addiction can be fought.....and for me now....respected and kept in check.....

Soooooo .....if your fight hasn't been working love.....time to change some things.....get some bigger gloves ......and try again.....

Sending you hugs and strength xx

Thank you so much for your advice 

Hi, Loxxie thank you so much for your reply means a lot, it made me giggle the part about the casino staff watching you but at the same time i thought oooh i bet that is what they do, and that thought is enough to make me think your not getting anything more from me not even a penny. I have not gambled since but early days i am at the why did i do it again stage, the money has gone i need to keep reminding myself. 

 I am so pleased your rid of this terrible addiction it really is such a horrible thing, i really want that for myself too, i have sent off documents i hope this gamstop works for me. Take care Sharon xx

Hi

Sadly as I become more self destructive in my addictions and obsessions I got in to the unhealthy habit of burying and suppressing my pains even more.

In time I would start to understand when I was emotionally vulnerable and was able to articulate my feelings in a healthy way and interact with other like minded people.

I did not feel responsible for my actions when I went to prison and I did not feel responsible for my actions when I walked in to the recovery program.

In time I would understand I was not stupid dumb or evil I was jusr emotionally vulnerable and would hide the fact very easily.

I put on a facade and pretense to protect my hurt inner child from being hurt.

By putting walls of fear around me to to protect my hurt inner child the walls of fear I built were stopping me from having healthy interactions with other people.

Walking in to the recovery program was the beginning of me starting to value myself.

Yet abstaining was only restricting me from hurting myself more, in time I would open up and deal with the emotional scars of my past.

Just for today I will not gamble is a boundary I set up for myself, it is a selfish decision to not long hurt myself.

Making a decision and acting up on it is the beginning of me starting to value myself.

The money is just the fuel for the addiction, the money gambled is gone, once I accept that fact and move on with my life the better I was going to be.

The money was never going to buy me happiness, the money was never going to heal my pains, the money was never going to repair adversely affected relationships.

Is going to meetings worth while, yes very much so, in time by sticking with recovery you will start to value your self more and more.

Guilt shame regret low self worth will be replaced with an internal pride a healthy self esteem and very healthy confidence in your self.

Thank you for sharing.

Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham