Needing a fresh start

Hi Matt , First question , Are you ready to stop ?. and secondly do you want to stop ? I think thats been answered by you being on this site , so well done for for coming on and admiting you have a gambling problem . I don't think that partner's or family members really understand our addiction , they can give you the emotional support and also help you put barriers in place to prevent you gambling ,but the addiction of compulsive gamblers like you and I is difficult to begin to understand unless youv'e been though this hell !! And thats what makes this site a good recovery tool for all of us . You talk to other about your problems , you share youre experiences and you also read about others like you and I who also thought they couldn't break the gambling habit . Some of the recovery diary's are truly inspirational, read them when you can ,take from them what you need for your recovery and dont look back !! I'm 54 now gambled on and off for the past 35 years or so and have wasted so much of my life , my time and my money ! Money's replaceable , the rest Isn't . I will not gamble again Matt , I have had enough of the constant high's and low's ,the sick feeling we all know deep in your gut when wev'e once again blown all our money !! Don't look back Matt , dont beat yourself up over whats gone ! Your young , tommorows another day but a day that only you can make different from the last . !!!! All the best for now Buddy , Stay strong and take one day at a time , Little steps my friend , Little steps !! Alan who will not gamble today !!

Maybe Well done Matt on this first step, at least you are wanting to stop. Firstly I know it is hard to talk to those close to you about your gambling problem, but please remember also that they just want to help you and may be just as worried about saying the wrong thing to you. I have a son with a gambling problem and know that it worried me silly when I found out, I wanted so badly to do and say the right thing, anything that would have helped him I would have done. My children are my life and nothing would make me turn my back on them. Perhaps they are saying these things because they do not know the right thing to say. Maybe the first step could be to sit down and say whatever it is that you are feeling at the moment, and say to them "I do not want to be judged but I do need your help and support." As a mum I can only tell you that people react in different and strange ways, but usually it is only because they love you and want to make it better. We as parents need to understand that we can not always do that, at least not without you wanting to do that also. Show them that you really want a fresh start by trusting them with your feelings and then they can open up to you as well, even if it ends in lots of tears it will be honest and a start to moving on with the recovery from gambling. Good luck and stay strong, you can get a fresh start and live the rest of your life as you want to.

Hi Matt I forgot to say, before you speak to your family and partner think about what your life was like before you started gambling, were you happy? If the answer is yes, keep that as your goal to get back to, remember how good it felt. And remember it won't happen overnight and it won't be easy, but one day at a time and with some hard honest commitment you can do it.

One of my friends sons told me about his gambling, he went mad at them and was never going to speak to them again! But after lots of hard honest conversations, he realised the only reason his friend came to me was because he loved him and was scared what would happen to my son if he carried on. I think you may have people in your life that care in the same way for you, so make sure if you do that you do not push these people away or blame them as they will help you to get the fresh start that you want.

Thank you to you both Amelia and Alan for your responses, really grateful that you both took the time to read and then respond to my post.

I do really want to stop, gambling ruined my university experience and has left me with no savings despite having a really decent job and earnings over the past 4 years. Stopping now is an absolutely must - Alan you are right, i am still young and if i make this better now i can have the rest of my life ahead of me. I need to find a way to forgive myself and move on from the sick feeling of what i have done for the past 7/8 years.

Other than keeping diaries and being involved in the forum/chats on this website has anyone had any other tools/methods they have used to move on?

Matt

I think you need to find what's right for you Matt to move on , everybodys different , some feell that talking everyday with others is enough , others need one to one counciling and some find the GA meetings are the answer , Initially just put everything in place to make your access to gambling as difficult as possible , self exclusion ,blocking websites ect! , Bank cards and credit cards to someone you can trust so you limit your access to funds . Ultimately though mate the desicion to gamble lies with you alone , Just forgive yourself right now !! we all make mistakes in life , and we learn from those mistakes and thats all it's about Matt , Whats done is done, take little steps to get better each day that comes . take care Buddy !! Alan who will not gamble today .

Hi Matt , looking back at your first post , you said you have already tried CBT and self exclusion ? perhaps your not making it difficult enough for yourself to bet or get access to money ?. I think you really have to shut down as many gambling opportunities as you can mate , make sure you break the time ., money ,location triangle because take one out of the equation and you can't bet ! The rest is about your willpower Matt and used properly it's the strongest tool in the box !! Speak to you soon Buddy . Alan

Hi Matt,

I'm roughly the same age as you, the only thing I can say with any certainty is that talking to the people that care about you is a better feeling than any bet, just for the relief of not lying anymore. Do you know how 'the rush' comes about? Dopamine is released in our brains and it is the chief neuromediator of incentive motivation. It happens when we win but not when we lose...you drug yourself but only when you win. If that had been created in a lab or something it would surely have been created to work the other way round!

What do you bet on regularly? Is it online or in the bookies? I've never had a problem walking out of a bookies but online is my demon. What works for one night not for the other.

Tell us about yourself. What do you enjoy doing outside of gambling?

Take it easy.

E x