Hello all
Been an avid reader of these forums since discovering the gamcare site a couple of weeks ago and how glad I am that I did! Into my 11th day of being gamble free and am feeling better for it already. I genuinely hope to become a mainstay on here, whether it be to boost my own esteem or indeed to offer a friendly, understanding voice to others in need. 1st things 1st though... I'm nervous coming on here for a number of reasons. I'm nervous of contributing as I'm not at all a big user of social media so not used to corresponding in this way. I'm nervous because I'm 'coming down' as it were from 25+ years of a viscous circle of self induced turmoil and I feel anxiety coming out of every pore as the reality hits home. I also feel nervous as, having read some of the friends and family forums, I know that I haven't even scratched the surface of the upset I have caused my wife and I know within myself, that to give myself every opportunity to recover, I need to also understand that by doing what I've done, its moulded our relationship into something that she certainly didn't sign up for and the self pity has to be left behind. Forever.
My story will be similar to many I suspect. Traced back to early years of Blackpool holidays and arcades, through to puggy machines in the snooker hall (the number of times I walked the 3 miles home in order to have 2 more spins for a chance of the £4 all tokens 'jackpot') onto the bookies (couldn't believe they held greyhound races everyday!) And of course the big daddy of them all...fobt's.
Condensing my story somewhat, and having had a few days to reflect, certain things leap out at me and I can only shake my head in disbelief. Until the advent of fobt's, I would study the form (didn't help like) but post fobt, a glance at the screen, meeting, number, stake and simply listen to the commentary as the button gets pressed again n again. The commentary listening was fine unless I had a cartoon race on, then I had to take the time to watch the thing. Obviously that wouldn't do, I mean, what if I missed something on my machine!!
I'm aware that peoples experiences although similar often draw different reactions, we have all been standing next to the local head case punching the machine and giving the death stare to everyone. No? Even worse when you went on a bit of a 'winning' streak and you can feel his eyes boring into the side of your face! See for me, I was never like that. I never once lost the rag. To be honest, I think that made me feel even less of myself as a person when it all went wrong. No, I have always been the happy go lucky, play the fool to get a laugh type of person in life. What the world didn't see was the cold sweats, jumping bolt upright through the night, the lies, damned lies. I was a liar a thief and an all round let down. My family have suffered. I've shunned friendships. My kids have missed out on things. I'm on medication for anxiety, have been for years. But 11 days ago, another big loss, I decided no more. No more lies.
My wife has been brilliant. She has stood by me and I will be forever grateful to her for that. As I said previously, the self pity must go and I'm sure I can beat this and repay the faith she has shown in me.
Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read my opening post and more importantly, thanks to everyone who has opened up and laid bare their struggles on these pages. It helps to know there are good people, intelligent people out there who have the courage to say...
I am a compulsive gambler and I need and want the help to overcome this.
Cheers all
Samsaw
aHi, great first post Samsaw, I like you decided a very short time ago, (8 days) enough was enough. I can resonate with so much in your thread, the early years of life in amusement arcades to the quiet person beside the FOTB. I'm sure the FOTB machine will be responsible for so much debt in this country eventually the stake will fall to £2 a spin, but that is too late for us. You say you are a cg, have you put all the steps in place to stop the gambling, when you do you may feel worse to start with, I certainly have, the knowledge that the loss of funds hits home really hard, they are not coming back, not even £20, it really is like the films show doing 'cold turkey' - catch u tomorrow mate - so tired now no more words will come - keep posting
Hi Samsaw74.
Welcome to the forum and thats a key point I want to pick up on
You will feel better for it! I hope everybody is reading this because being gamble free restores a sense of calmness, wellbeing and control.
I realise that gambling was never a pleasant environment. Ive mentioned the false atmosphere before and there was always a shady sense that everybody would pounce on any money thrown in the room...Awful and I never want to experience that again. Ive also cut out pubs with machines in...well all pubs because I dont drink now and I never liked the atmosphere in most pubs anyway.
I feel serene and in control.Ive lost all that stress related to gambling.
Im glad you have close support from your wife. With the right blocks and support the addiction will be history.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thanks for your responses guys,
I fully intend to put the blocks up with self exclusion, at this time, we are literally scraping through until payday at end of month but will have all the necessary photos etc taken. I've just done a count of bookies i have been in over the last 6 months within the area i live.... 16! astonishing really.
Up to now, i haven't really had the urges, but I know that it can and will come so need to be always on guard.
What's everyones views on removing sport entirely from your life? For example, as long as i can remember, my Saturday's have revolved around Jeff Stelling! I love watching the Tennis, Golf, Snooker etc. but have found myself either switching the Euro's off midway through a game or not bothering to watch at all as to be honest, i'm not all that bothered whether Turkey beats Czech Republic etc. Can we, as compuslive Gamblers really go on to enjoy sport for the manner in which it what surely intended?
Be interesting to find out how people progress in their recovery.
Samsaw
Hey saw...welcome...don't be nervous...this is the best place to let it all out !
You won't be judged...you won't be shunned....what you will get is support...honest answers and advice from both sides of the fence...some youll like...some you won't...read it all...again and again....take from it what's relevant for you and yours...I don't think there's a right way or a wrong way to tackle this addiction...it's what works for you...however. ... I would say ...exclude immediately from all places you use..
Be open and honest to people that need to know ..
take one day at a time...good luck x
hi Sam, great advice from Joydivider, you ask can we enjoy sport ?, I think I can, I used to bet on the coupon (£1 a week) until I noticed the FOTB machines in the corner who I thought could pay for my £1 a week bet. From there my story is a long destructive story of FOTB roulette and on-line roulette, culminating in a house sale and blowing all the proceeds from that, complete self-destruction caused by wanting my savings back and a completely boring existence at work and having no-one to communicate with out of work Monday to Friday. However I can watch sport now without thinking about betting, can I enjoy life going forward ..................... that I have to find out. I think you need to stick around here, if you don't this addication has the knack of coming back and back and back. It's a tough one to beat, I didn't think it was, come on here, self-exclude a little, but there's always another on-line casino, always another town with a pills or a brokes, be careful, take care, it's a dangerous addication when it gets you. - Paul
Thanks again to everyone for your input.
Hi Loxxie, you are dead right, I think if i hadn't read the f&f section and the views from 'the other side' from Cynical Wife etc. that i'd still be immersed in the woe is me feelings. So yes, there are things that we don't want to hear. Yesterday for me was a prime example. Without going into too much detail, i was reminded that i had a thing to pay and it really hit me hard. i suppose i had subconsciously thought that now that everything was out in the open i can concentrate on just me, but the reality is that we have have hurt & took liberties with the people we love most and we NEED to hear their feelings and how it has affected them, maintain our own recovery and also deal with the fallout of what we have done.
LML i hope like you i can just watch and enjoy but i'm not so sure i can. maybe best to move away from it altogether, time will tell i suppose. I genuinely take comfort from reading other people stories and advice and i think i have got my head around the fact that this is for life, so i hope to keep going and will stick around!
Samsaw
Hi Samsaw
Well done for coming on here and it sounds like you have told your wife which is a massive step
With the self exclusion you might find the below thread helpful you don't need to get 16 photos you can do it all in one call with just a picture of your passport a selfie
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/self-excluding-bookies-over-phone
KTF
Yes while you are feeling super positive, get the photos done and make a day of self excluding from all the places you visited and any that may tempt. Make it a positive day and it will be the best thing you could have done
It closes the door so you can concentrate on regaining a healthy and focused mind. We are never complacent and there are things you will have to work through. Eventually your mind has a hard reset or re formatting. You will wonder why you ever did it and be too busy enjoying life to give it much thought.
I think you can enjoy sport. I have enjoyed watching all the Euro catch up highlights on red button. Perhaps you can buy your wife a meal out If England win...wash the dishes if they lose....this sort of thing. I think there are ways of enjoying it without gambling. Sport betting was never my thing. I enjoy sport in a may the best person/team win.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi ktf
That's superb, cheers for that. I have spared up time tomorrow on way to meeting so will tackle this head on!
Hi joydivider, great advice again, your input to me alone has been fantastic. One thing though.... I'll have to flip the meal out and dishes the other way round, I'm from a country that weren't invited to the party lol
Thanks guys
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