New member. Relapsed again last night...

Hi mate, 

Thank you, how are you?

Yea re doing a lot better thank you!  Came back here today just for a refresh and catch up.

Was meant to go away next week with my family but my partners worried about me being away on my own which is fair enough. 113 days in now so thats a huge milestone for me and longest time I've been before without gambling since I started.

My day to day job is heavily involved with horse racing and football but it's not causing me much grief. I've not been tempted at all but I know exactly what triggers me so one of the things I've learnt to do once I've had a drink is just leave all electronics in the room with my partner and sleep in spare room that night if I want to mess about / stay up / etc. It's a working compromise but not exactly a solution. 

Now I want to go away on my own she's worried again so a bit unsure as to what to do. Feel ready for it. Counselling has been going well and think I need to put myself to the test a little at this point.

Interested to see how I get on over the next few weeks as the start of the football season was when I took my eye of the ball last year. Conscious of that this time round...

Hope everyone is doing well... X

Quick update ... 134 days for me now... surprising myself but I keep coming back here to keep myself grounded.

i went away in the end. As a comprise I went with my partners mum. We had a great time and I didn’t think to gamble once even though I was drinking pretty much every night whilst there. 

I was worried about the start of the football season as this was a trigger for my relapse last year but it’s just not even been an issue at all so far for me this year which is refreshing.

Still very early days and I’m still sat with a five figure reminder of a loan that I’m paying back from my last slip up. I may be doing well at the moment but I can never forget where I came from and why I’m here.

Posted by: Fifthteenthousand

Quick update ... 134 days for me now... surprising myself but I keep coming back here to keep myself grounded.

i went away in the end. As a comprise I went with my partners mum. We had a great time and I didn’t think to gamble once even though I was drinking pretty much every night whilst there. 

I was worried about the start of the football season as this was a trigger for my relapse last year but it’s just not even been an issue at all so far for me this year which is refreshing.

Still very early days and I’m still sat with a five figure reminder of a loan that I’m paying back from my last slip up. I may be doing well at the moment but I can never forget where I came from and why I’m here.

Hey,

I'm new to the forum but just wanted to say this diary is really inspiring, my problem is trading (Forex / Anything) and not sports gambling but it is manifesting itself in the same way.

I lost weeks of works and thousands (tens of) trading.. Most of that trying to make back what I had already lost and digging myself deeper into a hole.

I was free for a bit but slipped up this month and it's prompted me to come onto the forum to see if I can start my own diary to hold myself to account. This month is going to be tough as I've basically P****d all my money away (including money for bills) so need to figure out how I'll live as well as getting arrangements to pay in place with some people.

I'm already with StepChange for the debt (one of the people I can't pay) but I'm fairly sure they will be okay.

The dream is a year free and debt free 🙂

Anyway just wanted to say your diary is great, I hope you manage to stay gambling free for the rest of your life.

Inspirational to read, well done. 

Good luck on your journey 

Thank you, 

Just a quick check in this morning. Me and my partner have booked some flights to Brazil. 

We went to watch Joker last night. No urges to gamble but still not cured. Doubt I ever will be so always come back here and read other stories etc.

Approaching the 6 month mark but I've stopped counting the days.

Hope everyone is doing well x 

Massive well done to you!

I'm 49 days gf now, the first week was horrendous, just didn't think I could crawl out of the hole I dug

Each day is better and I feel so proud and so well already

Just wish I could give this feeling to others that are at the very beginning of their journey, you really can feel so good about life where as at the beginning I just didn't think there was such thing as a normal life without gambling and feeling stressed, anxious, living off of fresh air and no sleep

Well done ?

Thank you Tracey and congratulations on passing the 50 day mark!!

It's 180 days for me tomorrow and I've spent the weekend celebrating my anniversary with my partner. Very close to this day never happening considering what happened earlier in the year.

This is by far the longest time I've abstained from betting and my life changed significantly for the better. I can go out with my friends, I can enjoy myself but I don't wake up with a feeling of dread 'what have I done this time', 'how much did I lose', 'How can I get out of this'....

That shame was running my life and the consequences were ruining the lives of others around me.

Although I feel I have no triggers, intentions of gambling of any sort. I still come back here often. If I'm not posting it's reading and contributing - I've decided to make this a lifelong mantra as the addiction is also life long. If I don't remind myself of this thread and where I came from, I worry I could slip back and forget. I've found most addicts try and convince themselves or 'forget' how bad things actually were at the worst times when they seem to have found some element of recovery - a constant reminder of the opposite keeps you grounded in my opinion.

Thanks for reading all X

Hi and well done on your recovery. I Relapsed again yesterday afternoon. I’ve been back and forward with gambling for the last 15 years or so. I’ve won well and I’ve lost huge. More than I can ever imagine. So yesterday after all week saying to myself I was gonna bet after two weeks GF I did bet lost everything again. All I’ve work for thr last few months just gone in 90 minuets. 

Now im back to square one. Acting like everything is normal to my partner knowing how much I lost yesterday and thinking how long I’m gonna have to work to get that money back I’ve lost. I’m so depressed with myself and can’t find any motivation to do anything now. So bloody annoyed with myself how I’ve lost all this money. And to top it of I’m getting married in December all I’m thinking about is what I could of used that money for. So disappointed in myself gambling has literally ruined me.