My husband of 25 years passed away in Febraury 2019, my head was all over the place. All I could think about was wanting to join him and be with him. I dont drink and dont socialize. my husband was my world. With him gone I was more alone than ever. I turned to gambling online.
This meant that I was effected mentally, not eating or sleeping. No focus or care. I missed my husband so much all I could think about was wanting to be with him. This caused me to gamble as to way to shut out the black thoughts, I wasnt even paying attention to the way I played. I was basically playing to forget. something else for my eyes to stare at when I couldnt close them.
As I said my husband of 25 years died in febraury 2019 he was laid to rest in March 2019. During this very dark period I did as the above, not focusing or acknowledging what I was doing, just simply pressing buttons and staring at the screen. During this time I gambled excessively £xx according to my online bank account with company A and company B £xx. It was on 10th March 2019 that company A customer care i think phoned me with regards to this unusual level of play. They asked if i was free to talk. I explained not really, and then explained about my husband passing away and being 2 days away from laying him to rest. He said Im sorry to hear this, as you are in such difficult times and you agree your heads a mess, would it be wise for you to be excluded from your account? I agreed with him, I was in no place to be doing erratic things whilst not having much control. Decision made for my account with company A to be excluded from 10th March. In all my stupidness, and being honest I wasnt absorbing much of what was being said to me except, you are not excluded. I believed I was excluded right across the board. I was able to log into Company B this is where I lost £xx of that amount £xx was last night alone (all the money I had). I was dismayed and contact help and explain to them. They immediately close my account. They advise me to send them proof of exclusion. I show them, they say no this should be from GAM STOP. Oh dear, here we go, I says to myself. I finally get it sorted and am now registered with GAM STOP as of today and not 10th March when Company A excluded me which is in their list. Im now going back and forth between the 2 companies and hoping they will offer some restitution, so far they are not budging even with the proof I have sent them. Bonus is Im registered with GAM STOP for 5 years!! Long time I know, but figured that would be the best option considering where my head is at.
Sorry to hear about your husband passing away.
Call gamcare, talk to them. Judging by the post you are not in a very nice place, talk to someone, call gamecare, they will understand you and give you advise.
Thank you for your reply. I am on Gam Care chat services. Your right Im not in a very nice place. I hide it well around my adult children, privately I just cry buckets into my pillow, i knew it would be hard, just not this hard x
You will be fine. I am not an expert in such a complex situation like yours, but there is help.
What I've read from other members about gamecare is that they have solution for every problem.
every problem have a solution, every single one, if there is not solution, there will be explanation which eventually leads to solution.
Chin up, accept the situation and call them, they will help you.
I hope so, I have no strength left. I have done all I can with regards to GAM STOP and cancelling my bank card that was registered. I dont know if they are going refund/reimburse me. They arent budging. Go knows what Im going to do for food etc...so many things piling in
Of course you have strength left. You are on the right path registering to GAM STOP.
Regarding this month, about food, bills, call gamecare, I am sure they will come up with some good advice.
I have spoken to Gam Care, lovely lady took the time to hear me and listen to me and talk to me. She has given me a few options to take. Im going to follow that advice and send the emails tomorrow 🙂 It was a blessing to be able to speak when you need it most 🙂 and to know that someone is listening to what you have to say 🙂
Did you gamble before your husbands passing?
Thank you for sharing your story.
It sounds like if the companies are separate then there is very little you can do to get your money back. I hope you can get over the loss, it is an important step to let go and move on.
All the best.
Being honest, Yea i did gamble. Its all began back in 2004. Its just a little game of bingo I would say. I would have a few wins and with draw, play again putting it back. Then the online slots would begin. My biggest win was £7k from playing £1 a spin. Greed took over, thinking I could probably win so much more than that. The more I played and lost the more I determined to make it a winner again. When I did win, in stead of cashing out, I carried on playing it until it was all gone. My husband bless him, he hated it. He tried so hard being patient with me into getting it sorted. Life took over, lots of life things got in the way making it even harder for me to stop it, playing became a distraction, a way to forget, something else to stare at, as long as it wasnt reality. I struggled when my husband was dying. I didnt let him know I was struggling. He was dying after all that was so much more than to how i was feeling. I pushed me and how I feeling way down list, made sure his needs were met and he was looked after. When he slept, I stared at the online slots, playing what little money until it was all gone. Lying to him, saying I had paid blah blah when I hadnt. I think he knew but didnt have the strength to push me. When he died, the over whelming guilt, pent up emotions I had all came spewing out. I cried and cried, begged him not to leave me. The days were passed in blur, the nights were passed into staring at the online slots playing more excessively than I would normally play. Company A picked up on this and made the phone call to check things was ok. I told about my husbands passing that when the exclusion came in. I didnt absorb all he was saying I just got you are now excluded. By then Company A had got £... and Company B £... Company B never picked up on my excessive gambling and never questioned it. It was until I told them I had been excluded and they then closed my account. When I explained everything, I think they thought I was trying to pull a fast one. I sent them emails even enclosed a copy of the death cert to show how much of bad way I was in and that I hadnt made it up just to try and fleece them. Im now registered with GAM STOP decided to go for a 5 year ban. I need to sort out my life one day at a time.
Hello Ladidi.
I'm so sorry to have read what's happened to you and how it's affecting you.
I kind of speak from experience. I lost my Husband to illness and 4months later I began gambling because I couldn't deal with the overwhelming pain and grief. Just a bit of bingo online which progressed to slots. All to block out the pain from my loss. But it didn't work and I'll still end up having counselling in the end. But I can understand how we get to this point.
Have you thought of joining a bereavement online community as well as this? I belong to the Sue Ryder online community. It's a "gentle" online community where you may gain a bit of support. I ended up joining that forum and this one too because not only have I "complicated" grief as it's called, I also ended up with this addiction.
I hope the battles you are having get resolved, you sound a person of fortitude to be taking this on as well as everything else because it's so early days with the grieving.
Sending you sincere and utmost compassion. x
Thank you for your reply and kind words. I do have a few battles in my hands. I often feel no one is listening and when they are is it because they care or because they need someone else's story to share. I wish life was different and I didn't do all the things I did. But I did and I have to own that. I'm kind of thankful that I have finally took the step to ban myself completely. One day at a time is what I'm going to give myself. Today is day one x
Hi ladidi hope you're getting on ok x
Hi Tracey.
I'm doing ok atm. During the day not to bad. Things to do people coming and going. It's the night time. When your alone and cant sleep. Your mind races through memories and thoughts. Yours eye see but your not focused on what your seeing. That's when online comes into play. Yours eyes are transfixed, your brain doesnt absorb what your doing except it's not memories the the rolling of the screen. Yours transfixed, whatever you do, you dont want to stop hitting the button. Your running from reality. Doing this is no fix but it's better than reality. I was devastated when my balance was zero. I was like w*f am I doing. I was supposed to be excluded. I am now though. My first day without. Spent it in my Jammies. Ashamed, but know I have finally done the right thing. No more for me for 5 years. Hopefully by the time the end of the 5 years come i will be able to say. I have a healthy bank balance instead of a zero when I started off.
You're sounding so much more positive today, each day hopefully will become easier, that's what I'm hoping
I've done exactly the same, there was no stop button for me either, then could kick myself and feel sick, ashamed, broke til next pay day (you know the score)
It will take me years to be debt free, but each day thing's are looking clearer
I managed 14 days gf then decided to have 20, I ended up blowing my whole weeks wages plus 100 I had in savings from the previous 2 weeks, so everything is in place now not to even have £1
Good luck you're a very strong lady xx
Thank you for your kind comment. My emotions are up and down. Each day is different. As I said days not so bad, when people come and go. Nights when you go to bed and you alone and the love of life is not there to talk to 🙁 memories come flooding in, good and bad. You try to switch off. Too late the DVD is on full play in your mind, its racing through everything, all the good the bad and the ugly. You want it to stop. To pull out your phone or iPad. Before you know it your logged in and the screen is just spinning random sequences that's is costing you. You don't recognise all that's happening, your mind is finally shut down. Reality is no longer there until you have ran out of cash. The guilt, the tears, the sickly feelings. The what have done? Emotions you had shut down become a horror story, your back on the ride of hell and reality only this time what funds you had are gone. It all starts again. That phone call I thought had stopped everything. Turns out hadn't 🙁 finally I am now where I thought I was in March. I'm now day 2. The sun is shining and I'm hiding in my home. Not ready to face the world. One day at a time is what I tell myself. 1 battle at a time. As long as I go forward, even if it is snails place. I'm going forward. That's got to count right?
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