First time ever posting something like this and I feel so ashamed to be in this situation but i feel i need to discuss it and hopefully i can look back on this post in years to come with pride of overcoming such an aggressive addiction.
It all started 6 years ago when i was 18, a friend introduced me to slot machines at service stations. At the time they were all harmless small bets from pocket change. This soon spiralled out of control when i start winning.... I'm sure others will understand what i mean when i say that. I remember walking out of a services, with a wad full of money in my hand thinking "This is great, i can't believe how easy it is". What a stupid naive thought that was.
I took my new found thrill online, initially losing a lot of money. That should have been the end to this silly addiction, i felt sick but yet still determined to win it back. Remarkably, i did.. and in fact even more! That would have been great if it had actually got to the stage of being in my bank rather than being greedy and losing the lot once again. That sickening feeling stopped me in my tracks from gambling, vouching to never do it again. I managed to stay clear of betting for 6 months, until i received an email promoting a casino with a welcome bonus... back down that slippery slope i went.
By complete luck, over the last 5 years i have been up and down with my gambling losses. When i say luck, i've never been in profit but with every huge loss came a win that just about recovered my bank balance so that i could pay my bills.
I've been living on the edge with my finances for the past few years. With 3/4 of my pay per month going straight online to gambling sites.
Everything changed this month, i lost my whole pay-check in one day. Starting to panic about paying bills, i turned to payday loans. One small loan to cover my bills i thought to myself. One hour later that was gone to gambling... One loan became two, two became three etc.
I now stand at eight loans with the amount above a five figure sum. How did this happen?! I can't afford these, i knew the monthly repayments were higher than my salary when i got to the sixth loan but all i could think about was winning it all back.
I have kept this addiction quiet from my family and girlfriend, and i wish to keep it that way. I don't want to keep secrets from them, i just don't want to hurt them.
Tonight, i've self excluded myself from every site that i have an account with. I'm happy that i've done this, it feels like my first step towards the right direction to cease this addiction.
Apologies for the long post!
James.
Hi James & welcome.
I like you started on slot machines for harmless fun! But almost 25 years later it has lead to a serious addiction.
You're young & you can overcome this be open & honest with you girlfriend & family, explain your compulsion & level of addiction.
It's a good idea to keep a diary to remind yourself of rock bottom & your path to recovery.
Good luck mate.
Hi James
Welcome to the forum and you have made an important step by joining.
With your honesty and all the help and advice you can get, you will beat this addiction.
I think you are at the start of the right path to recovery. However you need to be fully aware that willpower alone is not enough.
Two things strike me from your post. The first is that gambling always thrives on secrecy and we all generally advise that you must tell your loved ones. They can be a great help. This is no longer about your sense of pride that you can handle it. This is about saving your quality of life and if you are a healthy minded person they benefit from this also. I dont believe you should hide this from them
The second point is that you need financial advice and it all needs to come out into the open. As you know payday loans are the rocky road and you can only pay back what you can afford. The CAB are very helpful and I have to say that part of your recovery is that you really need to be monitored and have no access to borrowing. Obviously you cant struggle as it will just make you miserable and ill. I dont know the full details but with family support you can have discussions with these companies and perhaps the bank.
There is ultimately no shame in reaching out for help and no shame in admitting that gambling got to you
This is an addiction that needs strong measures like living on a sandwich allowance and telling people close what you will now do to prove yourself once again. It will need full blocks like you are doing but extended to everywhere you may even think of using. Your gadgets will need blocking or even handing over....yes it is that serious Im afraid
This may be hard news to hear at this stage but I promise you that involving people close is your best option. Yes they may be shocked and saddened at first but thats nothing compared to the stress of dealing with it alone and nothing compared to what gambling has lined up if you relapse.
Please ring gamcare as many times as you like
Keep reading the forum and posting your thoughts
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi James and welcome to the forum.
I can see from your post you have taken positive actions to help yourself with closing your gambling accounts there are also other safeguards you can use for online gambling sites please see here for information on blocking software
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VBwD8fldXww
Deciding to tackle your finances is going to improve your life and help you regain some control, it may seem scary but this is the first step to getting out of debt. If you are not sure how to do this or are feeling overwhelmed, you might find it helpful to contact the National Debtline - 0808 808 4000, www.nationaldebtline.org and read the advice on their website.
There is other support available as mentioned by Joydivider. There is free counselling available and you can have up to 12 sessions of counselling. If you would like to know more about this support you can call the helpline on 0808 8020 133 and helpline advisors will be happy to help you find your nearest counselling service. You can also contact advisors through the net line http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline#.VEEdJvldXww
Keep posting you will find lots of support here on the forum.
Best wishes
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