So it’s currently 5.40am on the 18th April. Iv just gambled through my months wages which entered my account at 2am.
This is not a first. I’ve known for a long time that I suffer from gambling addiction. A few years back I even attended my local GA for one session. Although looking back I’d say the purpose of that visit was to please my parents. After attending that meeting I explained my way out of attending regularly and vowed that I needed to tackle this on my own and that I wasn’t faced with the same issues with those who I’d meet that night at GA.
Leading upto that visit to GA I had build up payday loan debts. Credit card debts and resorted to selling anything I owned of value (phones, laptops, PlayStation). I confessed my situation to my parents and thankfully they where willing to support me in getting back on my feet. So i no longer got my wages paid into my own bank account and over time successfully got back on track.
Fast forward 3 or 4 years and Im saving for a deposit for my own place. In order to build up a credit score so I could be acceptable for a mortgage application I have had my wages paid into my own bank again and took out a credit builder credit card. For the most part it seems I have been doing well. Every month on my pay day I will transfer money to my mums account. This includes my rent owed and also money to safely put away for a deposit where I can’t reach it.
Thing is, Iv never really stopped gambling. At every opportunity I’m on the online casinos. Iv been lucky enough the last few months that after hours gambling Iv won back enough to pay my bills and keep everyone happy and the problem under the rug.
Although Iv just lost this months wages in a few hours and feel numb, I know that this is not the end of the world for me.
But there’s nowhere to hide. What pains me the most is having to tell my parents tomorrow what Iv done and watch their face as I try to explain how gutted I am and how I’m going to make a renewed effort AGAIN. They’ve heard it all far too often.
I don’t feel that GA is for me and I believe that I can overcome this. I’m hoping that joining this site and even reading this out as I type it, hopefully will cause the penny to drop.
Going forward I’m going to suggest about getting the wages paid into their account again. Also software to block gambling on phone/laptop.
Here goes nothing.
Hello Tommydun18,
It is good that you've joined the forum. Well done for sharing your story here. If you like, you can also start a diary in the 'Recovery diaries' section of the forum, or join one of the 'Challenge' threads in the 'Overcoming' section.
It is encouraging that you are planning to open up to your parents, and to allow them to have oversight or control over your finances, and to use blocking software.
You mentioned that at the moment you don't feel that GA is right for you, so if you'd like information on other options like GamCare's free1-2-1 therapy sessions, you're welcome to call us on 0808 8020 133 for details of local and online services.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Cheers for the reply.
I feel like if been in this position far too often and it’s sort of become the norm for me.
This time I’m hoping to have the strength to stop lying to myself.
Il definitely have a look that these other sections on the forum you recommend.
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