Hi, 5 days ago my partner told me that he had a gambling addiction...we've been together for 15 years... however, it gets worse, he has been stealing money from his employer for the past 3 years. He works in the finance department, so was able to transfer amounts into his account and cover it up, he thinks it amounts to around £60k. He has been suspended, he took himself off to the police and has moved away to stay with family and has started getting help, counselling, medication, GA meetings. All the gambling he did was on line, mainly horses and football. I am devastated and although can come to terms with the addiction, the theft and fraud is what I am really struggling with. I don't know how to tell my family, I am ashamed and embarrassed... why didn't I notice anything? but then why would I, I wasn't being showered with gifts or holidays, but at the same time, there was no money going missing from accounts... I've experienced so many different emotions over the past few days that I am mentally exhausted, sounds a bit dramatic, but I don't know how else to put it.. I am really scared for the outcome for him with regards to the criminal side... any words of advice, encouragement or anything really would be really appreciated...
Thanks xx
Hi Clair
I'm sorry to see this. It's not uncommon for CG's to steal wherever they can as the addiction tightens its grip and they run out of 'legitimate' sources of funds but it doesn't make it any better for us when we discover what's been going on. You didn't notice anything because your partner didn't intend for you to notice anything so don't blame yourself in any way. CG's are adept at lying, manipulating,covering up and that can go on until the whole house of cards comes crashing down around them.
There is nothing for you to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about so please don't hold back from getting support wherever you feel you need it whether that's family or outside groups such as Gamanon. It would be a good idea to establish whether he's run up debt by looking at the credit reports from all three agencies. While he's waiting for the outcome of the police enquiry he can start getting arrangements in hand for how he's going to repay anything he's run up. Please bear in mind it's not advisable for him to be bailed out by any well meaning relatives.
I can't advise on the criminal proceedings other than they will run their course regardless of how much you worry so please try to look after yourself and try not to let it become all consuming. Gamcare offer counselling to family and friends so maybe you could look into that too?
Take care
Hi Clair it's scary stuff. The debt itself is always a shock but you now have to deal with the outcome of theft too. It's not really an everyday occurrence so why would you notice. As Lethe says it's not your fault, we are powerless. I have no idea either what happens, has he got himself a solicitor? You must be very worried. Try get some help, talk to gamcare and get to a gamanon meeting, if nothing else you will be able to talk and get support. There must be debt helpline to call with a legal department. Do you have joint finances, house, mortgage? Try and find out where you stand if you have. I would tell your family you need support, he's gone off so you need help, don't be alone with this it's an emotional rollercoaster. As Lethe said find out if there's more debt. Look after yourself, ask questions , get support x
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