Really need to stop :(

Wow you get to travel a lot 🙂

Had a bit of a relapse . . I played 200 on a site I realised I'm not blocked from, won 180 back but it's still reversible (hate it when they do that) soooo tempted to reverse it and have an other go 🙁

How you doing? X

Hi Jane, sorry to jump in from nowhere. Have read through your thread and can relate to much of it. I used to have a problem with online casino's (blackjack and roulette especially) and over 2007/2008 lost several thousands of pounds (800 being my biggest loss in one go). I went nearly 6 years gamble free and then started again with 'small and controlled' amounts on an infrequent basis, managing to mostly cash out small winnings.... until last night (I think we all know where this is going)... I felt a bit low and tense and ended up blowing a couple of hundred pounds (I could ill afford) in a matter of minutes.

By allowing myself to believe that I was 'in control' and could gamble sensibly I set myself up for a massive fall that subconsciously I always knew was likely to come.

I have a theory that long term gambling ceases to be about winning. We have all had repeated big losses that far outweigh any winnings we have/could ever make. We know that statistically we are much more likely to lose. In a way it's like gambling rather than being a way to 'win' becomes a way for us to validate our feelings of loss, of being a 'loser', of being 'unlucky' or someone that fate has decided to treat unfairly. That is why we chases losses, not to win (because we know we won't in the end) but to feel loss.

You are NOT a loser Jane. You come across as a strong person who has managed to stay afloat in some very challenging circumstances. This in itself makes you a winner.

That you have come to Gamcare for support says a lot about wanting to change the negativity that has crept into your life through gambling and I have utter faith in you that you can do it.

Don't let the online betting sites tell you that you are a loser, they lie and cheat and steal. They will try cheap tricks to entice you back just so that they can eventually insult you again.

Get your own back on them. Tell them that THEY are the losers by withdrawing all funds in all accounts (whether 'up' or 'down') and excluding yourself from the cycle of negativity.

It just isn't possible to win 'life changing' money from online gambling and the risk of losing 'living a managable life' money is too great.

Stay strong and keep on talking and being a real winner!

All the best.

Thanks 🙂

I'm just really gutted I gave in because I had been doing really well. Had the stupied thought that I could raise some money and list in the end as you always do. It was an account I'd missed when I was self excluding so have it done it now. I'm going to have to be a lot more careful and realise I can't bet at all because I can't stop when I do x

Trying to go for that 'one last win' to try and recoup a bit of cash, pride, dignity and walk away on what doesn't feel like defeat is something that many (if not all) of us have done so please don't be down on yourself because of it. Stopping is hard because there's a conflict of emotions, on one hand we feel positive, count the days and feel like we're reclaiming our lives (which we are!) but on the other hand there is initially a dose of reality in facing any possible consequences and mulling over endless 'what if's'. It is hard to walk away and not feel like a loser, but I can only stress again, you are not. You are doing really well just by recognising the problem and taking steps towards changing it.

Obviously I don't know you well enough to know excatly what your circumstances are and how many challenges you have to face when stopped. What I can say, from my own experience, is that no matter how tough things are right now they DO genuinely get better when no longer a slave to gambing and repeatedly losing both money and self esteem. There are no holes we dig ourselves into that don't eventually get shallower once we stop digging them deeper (sorry that sounds so cliched!). It may take time and there WILL be rough days (because, well, that's life) but overall the darkness does become lighter again, good things start happening and the appeciation of the small things in life returns.

It sounds like playing online slots has almost become a companion, by which I mean a way to fill time spent alone at home. It also sounds like a way to lose yourself in something away from every day life. Is there anything you could think of doing instead? If being online is in itself a big trigger for temptation then perhaps take a break for a few days other than perhaps logging in here if you need to. I know with 2 young children that you must be pushed for time but is there something with a semi-social connotation that you could get involved in to fill some space in your life that will be there once gambling stops? (voluntary work, social groups, community courses etc).

We are all different but i found a big help to stopping and staying stopped for as long as I initially did came from a number of things, these were;

1.) Admitting my problem to myself and to at least one other person.

Do you have anyone in your life you trust enough to talk to and openly admit the extent of things to? I know that it's embarrassing but a good friend/family member won't judge you because they already know that you are a good person.

2.) Letting someone else temporarily control my finances.

I set up an online version of my bank account and gave them the log in details so that they could see every transaction I made and gave them my cash card and details of all my payments so that when I had funds in my account they could ensure that things got paid. Is this something you could consider? If you have nobody that you trust with this CAB may be able to help and also help with debt management on a bigger scale (talking to creditors and buying time etc).

3.) Rediscoving things I enjoyed but no longer did.

It might be simple things like reading a book or watching a movie (I did end up *cough* 'dubiously' downloading a lot of films, but hey, I'd rather the movie industry lost a little bit of cash rather than me!), going for walks and catching up old friends, cooking new (low cost) meal ideas etc When gambling none of these things feel 'exciting' or fullfilling but they do take on a much more enjoyable role again when you can do them without the background stress that gambling creates.

4.) Doing something that wasn't just about me.

I went to my local volunteers service and did a few months of volunteering a few hours each week with a national charity (MIND). Doing something that has a social aspect to it and benefits others as well as ourselves is a great way to break the isolating feeling that gambling brings and gives a sense of reward that can be much more fulflling than any gambling 'win'. As I said, I know you must be busy with the kids but maybe, if you feel up to it, this could be an option?

5.) Knowing that I just cannot control gambling. Even if I lose the 'urge' if I go back to it, the 'urge' will return!!

I got this bit under control for 6 years and my slip up the other night has only served to prove it further. You seem to have come to the same conclusion yourself, which is brilliant because it's a big step to getting rid of this behaviour and getting happier again.

So, sorry if this has all sounded a bit 'preachy' I just wanted to re-enforce some ideas that you may have already had and throw in a few suggestions.

Don't give up on yourself. you are doing really well (even if it doesn't feel like it right now) and I know that things can and will get better for you. Hang on in there and keep on getting as much support as you feel you need/want, you deserve every last bit of it!

You CAN do this.

Ianx

Hey jane, sorry for the lapse but at least you have spotted it and done something about it. I reckon you are a strong un and will beat this issue.

It is difficult for me at times - especially when in the UK and at home but I am trying hard.

I liked what ian put - good advice imo

Keep strong kid

x