Hello I’ve been coming on here to read others stories but it’s now time to share mine.
I have only started gambling during lockdown around June but not sure why. It started with slots small 20p spins and never really won anything big - by the time I checked my account after a week or so, I was shocked to see I’ve spent £200. How I wish I would have just stopped then. I’m a very frugal person and really save when I can so the thought of that £200 gone really messed with my head. So it eventually started to turn into £5 £10 even £20 spins and after 3 weeks 7k of my savings was gone. I self excluded straight away and decided that this was enough. I was broken and in despair so I self excluded for 5 years from the site I was playing.
Over the course of a few days, the 7k loss really played on my mind. I had a few hundred left and decided to try roulette with another site. How I wish I never really did. On the first go, I won £300 instantly betting on 0. So I thought wow this is easy, I’ll make that £7k back in no time. I decided to take a £5k loan as capital per say on my new found system. So at first I was really careful, betting only on 0 and walking away once there’s a profit no matter how small and from October to January, there wasn’t a day I didn’t stop without a profit- every day I made a profit ranging from £50-£260. I even had a spreadsheet on my phone to see the daily profit. By January, I had made £3800. You would think I would have stopped then. I wish I did. But it wasn’t quite the £7k target I had set in mind and 28th of December came. Lost £3800 in one session, all my months roulette work. I couldn’t believe it.
I was broken, I’ve noticed my mental health has been really affected by now, all I can think is roulette and making back the loss. I was talking to myself, not sleeping, or eating.
But that £3800 loss again didn’t stop me. After all, if I have made that in 2 months, I can do it again.
Only this time in January, I was starting my system again leaving as soon as there’s a profit, but this time the small wins weren’t enough so I was staking a little larger than normal but still feeling like I was in control, this time I was walking away with profits everyday ranging from £250/£500. By the end of January-in just a month I had made £5800 back. I couldn’t believe £5800 in just 1 month? That’s double my salary. How I managed that I really don’t know. I said to myself, wow I really did it. Everything was brand new, I started to feel normal again and thinking my system worked. I even started calculating profits I would make in a year, 5 years, how delusional was I.
To this day I wish I had just took the £5800 and stopped. Coz it doesn’t end there. The only good thing that came out of that win is I had 0% credit cards which I paid off a total of £2k off. Happy days you would think.
At the end of January , I took a loan of £13k but this wasn’t for gambling- this money was for a car and also to pay off the other loan to consolidate. It made sense as the bank offered me good rate than finance as I had very good credit score.
I don’t know what got into me but the money sat on my account for just a day. I had plans to go online and pay for this car over the next week or so but when I went to do my normal system on roulette the day after I got that money,I lost £300, was really outraged, fed another £1000, lost, fed another £2k, another £2k, another £2k. Basically all sense left me I was out of control betting £275 each spin on 0 waiting for it to come which it never did. You guessed it, £13k was lost in a space of an hour or less. This was the worst day of my life, I started shaking, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. I have my partner who works very hard who even noticed I was off- but there’s just no way I could tell him. We really don’t share finances, what’s his is is and mine is mine. I felt like telling him, but I’m certain he will leave me and I can’t live without him and I can’t let him see me like this.
Anyway, I still had some money in profit from the last time which I kept in a savings account because I even had a separate account frommy roulette wins - how stupid and really addicted I am. You would think £13k was enough to really say this is enough.
But again my delusional mind was saying, okay you made £5800 in less than a month- you can do this again. 2 months and you’ll get it all back and that will be it.
So my last £3k as capital- spin and spin I did and I was placing large bets again but I was really lucky, From Feb 1 and in just 9 days, I made back £11k. Just £2k short of my £13k loss now. Wow I said to myself. Im just £2k s short, I will still finally get my car. I transferred £10k straight away to my savings.
So again I was back to normal until last night.I’ve just lost £5400. Almost half of what I’ve just made back in 9 days. I couldn’t sleep again or eat.
I realised I just can’t go on like this anymore but every few seconds my mind is telling me, okay just £25 a day and you’ll make this back in a year, or it’s just one £250 bet on 0, the money is there for capital. Just one more try, your system works, it works in the past. Then I’m telling myself too, no this is it. You’re defeated, walk away now while you still can.
This is every few minutes constantly battling with myself , sometimes I feel I’m going mad. Please help
Now, I have £12k left, I need £10k for the car, but I also need to pay off the other loan of £5k and I can’t do both. If I had just stopped when I won the £11k back, I would have been able to do both. So I’m trying to stop myself and use the last £12k as capital and hope to win atleast £5k back so I can still get my car and pay off the other £5k loan so I only have one repayment every month. Loan 1 is £175 and Loan 2 is £260- but then I keep telling myself I can afford both payments every month with my salary, I earn £2000, mortgage is £500 and outgoings with food probably £700 so is still have £365 after the 2 loan payments.
I hate myself
Hi.
I felt exactly the same last mon morning. I hated myself. I signed up to gamstop but I could easily sign up to a casino and use my credit card which was a huge mistake. I’ve been a gambler on and off for 20 years and the feeling you get when you loose is not nice. Feel so low. Reading others stories just wants you to help and say ya not the only one. I’ve not been online all week but the money I least will take sometime to re coup. Stay strong and try beat what I call this the devil.
Hi RGM, it never ceases to horrify me how quickly we can get hooked on these games, it's so sad. I'm over 8months without gambling but I use that memory of the feelings you describe as a healthy reminder of what relapsing would do to me and my family. I'm afraid my advice is going to be what you don't want to hear tell your partner he will be angry at first my husband was...very angry, but we are working through it and by doing all the right things ie signing up to gamstop for 5 years, handing full transparency of finances to my husband I'm regaining trust. Some people block their cards to gambling transactions , the more ways you block your access to gambling the better it's only space and time from gambling that will heal your mind. Gambling is a powerful addiction and is NEVER a get rich quick scheme whatever you win will never be good enough chase losses chase wins. Phone the Gamcare advisors get some support and help, I did the counselling they offered and it was really helpful and now I attend GA meetings via zoom until they are able to start face to face again. There is a way through this, your life will get better again, mind is I'm much happier calmer more stable. Do I still have urges ...yes but infrequently now am I able to deal with them....yes with my trusted barriers firmly in place. Take care
A good read and keep up the good work Charlie boy. It’s good to hear peoples stories
Roulette was my game too. Trust me it only ever gets worse chasing money and taking on more loans ect. Sign up to Gamstop. Tell your partner, as hard as it will be they will be there to help and support you. Take the advice you won't regret it. I've been playing Roulette since I was 18, I'm now 31. I recently told my wife everything and she's now in control of all the finances and helping me. It can get out of control so fast you don't even realise it. Talk to everyone on here and call the support team, they are brilliant. I'm on 11 days clean today and feeling alot better. I wasn't feeling so great a couple of weeks ago. Everyone is in the same boat here, we've all been through it. It just takes time. Take care, all the best ?
Chasing the losses in the long run doesn’t work. I am sad proof of this. Im very early in my journey but my advice to you would be stop now. Accept the losses if you can and start your recovery
@roulettegotme This has two ways of ending, your choice.
You can lose everything you have or you can stop now, just like you wish you had done a few times over the last few months. You've shown through example that if only you stopped earlier it wouldn't be as bad, so now is your chance. If you have a problem, and it sounds a little like you do, no win is big enough, no loss is small enough. The only time this ends is when there is nothing left. So....
You should tell your partner and transfer your money out of your account so you cannot access it. You should install Gamstop and contct your bank or use the app if it has one to put a ban on gambling transactions.
You should pick up the phone and talk to the Gamcare advisers. Writing it down is great but being able to talk to someone without judgement is a life saver.
These are things you should do to help yourself.
Whether or not you do is up to you.
I cannot tell you what to do, I can however tell you the outcome of carrying on the way you have been carrying on.
Good luck making your decision.
Chris.
Thank you so much for your replies. I didn’t gamble today, but partly because I am still feeling down of the £5400 lost last night. I have urges all day and end up just looking at the wheel spinning counting how many numbers come before 0 comes... it’s almost like I’m planning my next move but haven’t deposited and staying strong. I want to accept that I have lost £10k in total since I started gambling but it’s so hard. I keep devising plans in my head applying just martingale and forget the 0 even at just a £1 start and just start again from the beginning of setting a win of £25 a day and set a loss budget too like I have always done which since October proves it works? The only reason why it didn’t work because I lost control. 25x 365 days in a year is £9125 and I would get my loss back which is all I ever want and I can honestly say I will stop surely I can do this if I have done so in the past- so this is what I am thinking and all I can ever think about but thanks to coming on here I haven’t acted on my urges but it helps writing them down.
You can do this. Keep counting the days. I’m new on here and find looking at stories helps me.
Thank you so much for your replies. I didn’t gamble today, but partly because I am still feeling down of the £5400 lost last night. I have urges all day and end up just looking at the wheel spinning counting how many numbers come before 0 comes... it’s almost like I’m planning my next move but haven’t deposited and staying strong. I want to accept that I have lost £10k in total since I started gambling but it’s so hard. I keep devising plans in my head applying just martingale and forget the 0 even at just a £1 start and just start again from the beginning of setting a win of £25 a day and set a loss budget too like I have always done which since October proves it works? The only reason why it didn’t work because I lost control. 25x 365 days in a year is £9125 and I would get my loss back which is all I ever want and I can honestly say I will stop surely I can do this if I have done so in the past- so this is what I am thinking and all I can ever think about but thanks to coming on here I haven’t acted on my urges but it helps writing them down.
"The only reason it why it didn't work because I lost control" In over thirty years of going to GA, I must have heard that thousands of times. The whole basis of a problem gambler is that we/I do not have control. If I did, I wouldn't end up where I end up, i.e, Homeless, familyless, jobless, broke, in debt, friendless, in prison(freedomless!).
The sooner you accept that you do not have control over gambling the better.
It took me a long time but I have come around to the way of thinking that the only thing I have control of is to not place that first bet. I choose not to, because if i do, I am not in control of the second bet and so on. Maybe think about that?
Chris.
I couldn't agree more with Chris. We have done it over and over again, unfortunately it just doesn't work. I wouldn't waste your time watching that ball spin around, it just leads to more temptation, get blocks in place so you can't log in and make that fatal deposit. Your also relying on that fact your going to win everyday for a whole year, I had that thought to before, thought I had it all worked out like you to beat the system, there's only one way to win and that's to stop what your doing. Its hard to accept it but the sooner you do the better off you will be. Stay strong and positive, that money has gone now, its time to move on before you lose anymore. Keep posting and let us know how your feeling and getting on. All the best
Thank you, yes somehow I feel like I have come to an end and ready to give up. The only thing I can’t shake is thinking about it all day, battling with myself and talking to myself. I hate this feeling. I wish I was back to my normal happy self before this all started. I know I’m ready to stop because I have that money now away and it’s for a car I’m going to buy, the fact that I should have paid off the £5k loan with the loss last night is what’s bothering me. I should have only one loan payment to pay - the reason why I took that loan was to consolidate the other loan and for my car. This is hard for me to come to terms with why did I even bother doing it last night. I should have just stopped yesterday. It pains me to think I’ve just done it one day too late
Hello RouletteGotMe
Thank you for your posts and your honesty on the forum. It sounds like you are in a challenging position. Loses can be difficult to come to terms with, though it is important that you are not hard on yourself about this. It sounds like you are becoming focused about what you want and I am pleased to hear that you feel it is your time to stop the gambling. I am sure with some effort from you and some help and support you will be back to your happy self again. You do not have to do this alone and we are here on the Helpline or Net line 24/7.
You can call the helpline number tel:08088020133 anytime and we can discuss options of help and support for you.
Wishing you all the best
Darren
Forum Admin
Good morning everyone. First thing I thought about when waking up is how stupid why did I not walk stop while I was somewhat ahead and had that £5k. Why did I lose control? I don’t have any urges to gamble because I’m using this feeling of dread and dissapointment in myself to remind me of what can happen and I could possibly lose my last £10k for my car. I know better now and learn from it. However I really enjoy the game the thought of self excluding from the site saddens me. I haven’t done it yet because I do enjoy it and I want to get to a stage where I can just go for fun and not be a compulsive gambler.... is this at all possible? I believe i can have control as proven in the past.... and play smaller bets for fun. But I can’t bring myself to do it just now I’m Still hurt and in despair from what I’ve done on Friday
Good morning!
From personal experience I was exactly the same, and it didn't go well at all. You think you have control but no offence I highly doubt it, I've been there multiple times unfortunately ? Keep your money for the car because its so easy to lose control and within a few days, it could even be hours you may well not have the money for that car and that wouldn't be good. I thought I could do the same with smaller bets and have some kind of control and do it for fun, but if your an addict these do not go hand in hand. You will soon be doing more bets, spending more time and then slowly getting sucked back in and losing everything, remember the horrible feeling of losing everything? You don't want to be in that position again. You can only read this but its down to you and the people around you to put the the actions in place. Keep posting, staying positive and let us know how your getting on. Take care ?
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