Hi guys!
I'm completely new to this forum and completely new to admitting openly that I have a problem with gambling. I've known it myself for a long time now but I've never expressed it outside of my own frustrations in my head, so I'm going to delv into my story if only to get it off my chest and start my road to recovery. If the thread is too long for people to read then that's fine, at least I'm getting it out there! lol
So I'm 27 now and I first started gambling when I was 18. It all started when I went to play bingo and got told about their online site when I was at their bingo halls. So I tried it and it slowly turned into getting myself a takeaway and putting £10 on this bingo site every friday and for a while I was quite happy and content with this. Then it started to become a little slow for me, the wins were too far apart and pretty much non existent, the fun had gone. So I had a little look around the site and stumbled on some slots that looked interesting and decided that I was use the last bit of money on some of them and won £10! After that I decided to up my bet to £1 per spin and see where I could get. My dad started speaking to me and I pressed spin without looking at what I was doing and when he left I looked down to see £200 from a spin! I couldn't believe it, I'd never won that much before on anything and ran around the house like an idiot (especially being a student at the time lol) and my lucky didnt end there! I carried on with the slots for some time into the early hours and come away with about £400 in the end, I couldn't sleep that night I was that happy and excited!
Well that was it! I found myself instantly hooked, it still remained £10 a week for a while, some nights I would withdraw £30 some nights i would lose it all. That was until I hit big again.. I won about £600 over the course of 2 days, just kept winning! with that I managed to pay off the rest of my student overdraft with the £300 I had from before! I was over the moon. But then that's where the vile mistress of gambling dug her teeth in, £10 a week turned into £10 a day and some days £40, 50, 60. Before I knew it not only was I all the way back into my overdraft but I was maxed! Over the course of about 3 months I had gone from being a happy well off student to spending about £1500 of money I didnt have! I was broke, scared and depressed from gambling so I quit! I self excluded and spent a good year not gambling.
I paid off all of my debts and had a bit left over in my savings account, but that's when a leaflet come through the post about another site, I agree'd to myself that I would just put £20 on and have some fun. I spent £100 that night.
This is where I am now, about 6 years on. I spent between £100-300 a month out of my wages on slots and the stupid thing is, even if I win I only ever manage to keep a tiny amount of it, if anything at all! Mainly because of the cancel withdrawal option that every site has and it gives you about 3 days to change your mind and cancel it! I must have opened and closed about 30-40 accounts with different sites now trying to quit and its just no good! I'm sick of the guilty feeling and sick of having to find excuses because I can't do things with friends or family because I've spent all my money gambling. I bought a house last year and spent ages planning and getting excited about the things I would buy for it and do to it and a year down the line I still havent done anything! I'm not in debt which is the only good thing I can take from it, I just have no money now! 🙁 but this is where it turns around!
The time when i decided I wanted to quit for good was about a month ago when I won massive, more than I'd ever won in all the time gambling. I had about £700 in my account. I come away with £80 🙁 I've slipped up since then but I haven't gambled since last Saturday! it's been a week!! I'm really happy and really proud of myself but I've come home from work today and every part of my body is itching with the excitment to play those d**n slots! DOES THE ITCH EVER GO AWAY?!?!
Thanks for anyone who took the time to read this, I really appreciate it and look forward to being part of the community, not only for myself getting better but for helping others 🙂
Hi Phoenix01, welcome to recovery & congratulations on your 1st week 🙂
Good news, the itch does go away but the danger remains lurking in the shadows of recovery waiting to pounce the minute complacency looks like it is setting in! Have you installed blocking software (I understand K9 is free)? This will break your Time-Money-Location triangle & you only need to remove 1 to make gambling impossible 🙂
Maybe have a think about starting a recovery diary...Lots of people use a reward system, maybe you could use this to start getting those things for your home!
Recovery is possible - ODAAT
Thanks ODAAT 🙂
What do you use for a diary? I was thinkin of opening a new savings account and everytime I get a real itch, not just a thought for gambling but a real itch like I did today then I would put £20 into the savings account. I would generally blow £20-50 on a real itch, especially after a difficult day at work. So if I start to put £20 in this new savings account then I can see what I would have spent and then at the end of the month I can potentially buy something for the house depending on how much I saved..
What you think?
My 1st thought was 'genius' but on reflection, I wonder if this is actually a 'reward'? My tiny little pea brain would probably start encouraging urges so that I could 'save' more & anything that encourages urges is BAD! A new savings account sounds perfect though...One that you can squirrel money into but cannot withdraw in a fit of madness!
I am a little old fashioned & started a diary in pen & ink (not a quaver or anything really old but something that you youngsters probably wouldn't dream of nonetheless)...I have transferred it all across to the recovery diary section & maintain it on here now! I am not a shining example of how to best make use of a diary but everyone has their own way of recovering (some post every day, some come here when the urges hit etc) & you can find what suits you best!
Being part of this community is fantastic for everyone concerned & there is a 2015 Challenge (run by Bornagain) if you think being accountable may help (only sign up if you can commit to checking in though)!
Onwards & upwards - ODAAT
That sounds good, I'll have a little look into the challenge. I do find that not just in this but in life I can overcome things easier and quicker if I'm helping people with the same problem. Sort of like leading by example so that may be quite beneficial.
I'll also have a look at the diary, I think seeing progress would be good! THanks 🙂
Hi Phoenix01,
ODAAT dispenses excellent advice.
That's the thing with gambling. Before you know where you are you're suckin in deep.
At least you seem to have realised quite quickly and put a high barrier across the "road to ruin".
Take it from me there is no pot of gold at the end of the gambling rainbow.
For the odd person that really hits the jackpot. There are millions of others funding it bigstyle and lving lives of financial misery. I gambled for years and yes I've had the occasional biggish win but it all goes back and buckets more besides. The compulsive gambler is never satisfied no matter how big the win and so the vicious circle is perpetuated. That's the way it is until you break it.
Take control of your life and move on as far away from the grip of gambling as you can.
For me the 2015 Challenge has been a big help in keeping my demons at bay. I like to see the gambling free days mounting up for me and others. As opposed to watching my financial losses mounting up as used to be.
Best Wishes.
Thanks MrStop 🙂
That's the only good thing I can take from this. Yes I've spent my savings and I've spent what I could've put into my house but then I've managed to stop before I've got into any debt. Believe me this month if I had of done 1 or 2 more bets then I would have had to take an overdraft out in order to keep my head above the water, but luckily I've just managed to skim through the month.
Also that's so true. Even when I've hit my biggest win on the slots and spent 10 minutes excited and thinkin about all the things I could buy I still wasn't satisfied. The 10 minutes passed and then I have the "what ifs" - "What if that happened again? what if I doubled my bet and hit it again?"
It's stupid! And then even when I withdraw I cancel the withdrawal just because I get greedy and think I can hit it once more and end up having nothing.
This is it! Over a week has gone now! the longest I have gone in about 6 years 😀
It's not just you...We cannot win because we cannot stop! Luckily for us that every day we are stopped, we are winners 🙂
I completely get what you are saying about helping others & although I entered recovery for me, in my head now, it's vital I stay here not just for me but for others that read my story! We have to know that recovery is possible & by proving it, it gives others hope!
This 1st week is a great start to the rest of your life! Keep winning - ODAAT
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