All,
I'm new to this site - but have found the forums useful to read in my quest to make 2014 the year I kick the gambling addiction. 2013 was an awful year, where I estimate I lost a ridiculous amount, despite having admitted my problem to my girlfriend early in the year.
I have made lots of progress in 2013 in understanding the why I gamble etc, but not yet managed to turn this into stopping, I'm not sure I wanted to. But 2014 is a new year, new start, with lots to look forward to.
My gambling has been entirely sports betting (football, b'ball, tennis and cricket), and I've fortunately never succumbed to the "games" part of the multiple sites I've had accounts with. I thank my lucky stars for that. But that shows the oddity of the addiction I guess.
I have had some absolutely ridiculous bets this year - the fact that I consider myself something of an expert in Ukranian and Czech youth football, Brazilian basketball etc despite never having been to any of those countries says a lot.
For me I would be really keen to interact with other sports gamblers to share advice (was going to say tips!) on kicking this, experience, insight laugh at our stupid decisions in the past etc. If anyone is interested in this please do let me know.
Hi 2014newstart, welcome to the Forum,
Those bets are ridiculous as you say my friend, because they feed off of compulsive behavior - in the end, you don't care what you are betting on because you crave the euphoria of winning, and not the money itself.
I gambled for twenty years before stopping around six years ago and often placed large amounts of the outcome of sporting events. I still watch sport now but, instead, I feel relief instead of regret if a team or player wins that I quite liked - I fear winning, because I know it would have led me back onto things such as virtual racing, or backing obscure leagues as you have experienced.
There is no other way forward than stopping completely my friend, zero tolerance - if you don't, then you will be repeating 2013 all over again. Accept that you are affectlvely mentally allergic to winning (at least with losing, you might actually stop at some point) and that this will always be a lose-lose scenario for you.
It is positive you have made progress, but real, genuine. positive progress is time spent without gambling in any capacity. If you feel you don't want to on occasion, as you said, then you have to question what it is that you get out of it - gambling only ever take your time and your money, as well as the love and self-respect of everyone around you. The high points are hollow - there is no sense of achievement, no respect from your peers, and you can rarely spend it because you will always be thinking about more.
It is your choice my friend - if you are here at this point next year, talking about 2015, then you may have serious debt, and your partner may not be around to experience it. You are clearly an intelligent man, don't let that fool you into thinking that something hasn't gripped you more than you thought it has - trying stopping for the whole of 2014, test yourself, see how much of a hold this truly has on you.
JamesP
James
Thanks for replying - your words make a lot of sense, and there's some really good phrases in there which I will hang on to. The lose-lose scenario is correct, and in effect you're correct about the allergic to winning.
I find it interesting you touch on the "self-respect" part - that is the biggest thing that gambling has done to me. Taken that away, I no longer respect myself. To put it really selfishly, I no longer feel "better" than anyone. Because I know that I may have lots of things they'd envy, but they don't gamble, and I envy that. Right now I'd take a mundane life in a dull town with 2.4 kids and no gambling habit.
My determination to not be here in 2015, or at least if I am, being here talking about a year free and offering guidance/advice etc is strong. I no longer even think about doing it for my partner, this is me doing it for myself and my sanity now.
Thanks again for taking time to post. And I have so much respect for you for being 6 years "clean".
You're very welcome 2014newstart,
I felt the same - I felt I was living my life on the edge while everyone else plodded on around me.
Gambling makes everything else seem mundane, but that is based on a lie, that you can win and walk away - the "buzz" is based on false hope; once you can come to terms with that, then you can start living again; I take a lot of pleasure in the simple things now, which would have been nothing more than killing time previously.
Like most gamblers, I shared stories of winning and revelled in it - people always gave me the same reaction, the "you will only go and lose it again" reaction; at the time, you are wallowing in self-delusion, relentlessly convincing yourself that this time will be different, when it is only hooking you in deeper.
Like you said, you would take that 2.4 children and a mundane life, but it doesn't have to be that way. Since stopping, I found that I needed something to plug the gaps, so now I write, sing, do charity work, go hiking and much more; these things give me genuine happiness and fulfilment that can last for days.
Maybe you need to plug these gaps too my friend. Someone on here was struggling and then was introduced to competitive swimming, completely by chance - she has been five years clean last time I heard. As I said before, test yourself, see how you feel, see what you need mentally and emotionally.
I sincerely hope you will be here in 2015 after a gamble-free year my friend, and there will be few happier than me if you can get there.
JamesP
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