Hi everyone, I'm James and I'm a CG. I've been gambling on and off for much of my adult life. It used to be a bit of fun; a form of escapism; an occasional trip to the casino with friends to round off a night out or a day at the races.
I don't know what triggered the change in me but since December I was gambling every day in online casinos. Blackjack exclusively. I told myself I didn't have a problem and the bets were only small (back then they were anyway) but even then I was physically incapable of walking away with a loss. I rode my luck until February when I lost thousands. I told myself that I was done at that point but went back less than a week later. Low controlled bets again and actually recouped my losses. But of course I didnt stop and it came to a head last week when I lost big, deposited even bigger amounts on credit card, and lost even bigger.
So here I am, almost a week free from gambling and determined to change this time. It'll take me years to clear my credit card but for the first time I've confided in my wife who has been nothing short of amazing with her support. It'll be a long journey, and it's far from easy (how I wish I could go back a week and slap myself!) but I'm taking it one day at a time.
Thanks for reading.
Hi mate and welcome to the forums.
I too have gambled all my adult life on and off. I'm 30 now. I used to gamble everyday but past few years started binge gambling.
I rode my luck for the whole of last year. I would win a bit lose a bit but had control (now I realise that this wasn't really the case but I was just more cautious on losing big amounts).
Stress at work last February caused me to go on a binge and lost a decent chunk of change. It was about 3 months salary.
I realise now I was just riding my luck for the past 15 months and this was inevitable.
I was so depressed with rage at myself but this has somewhat subsided. My advice to you would be to put strong blocks in place.
Is there someone you trust who you can transfer your money to? I only have the minimum in my account to pay direct debits and food at work. If I have all my salary paid in I start stressing and the fantasies come back in to my head about how this time I can control it etc
We can't control it, like you I start off small but then go mad even if I've chased myself out of the hole.
I really see it as self harm personally. We have an illness and money is like a poison. We think we want the money but for me at least it's the thrill of the action and being in the moment, also chasing is the thrill. For me not having money sat in my bank account just means I don't tempt myself. Like a person who wants to stop drinking wouldn't have a bottle in the fridge in case he has to have a few people over. I now realise that this illness which has been with me for 15 years will be with me for life. I will always have to bear in mind that there will be weak days or random events which will make me feel like this time I can control it and I deserve to win and even today I can't lose.
That is why I won't put myself in a position where I can wreck my finances or my mental well being.
Read some posts and you'll see other blocks that work for other people.
I just wanted to share that I'm in the same boat as you. Blocks are the answer but we just need to forget the gambling fantasy we were spun by the media the industry all the sham and drudgery. Gambling is not for us. Good luck but blocks blocks blocks has to be the motto. You deserve better than giving your life and happiness, time and devotion to an offshore shady betting corporation.
Hi Mr M. Thanks for responding and I can relate to a lot of what you said there. Depending on the time of day and how strong I'm feeling at the time my feelings have yoyo'd between self hate, rage, anger, depression, money worries, nervous energy, distraction, guilt, shame and everything in between. Despite what my urges are telling me, I'm not going to see that money again but I'm determined not to feel like this again over gambling.
I've relinquished control of the finances to my better half, I currently have no savings to speak of and I have blocks in place. So while I may never have it fully under control, I have everything in place to stop me mucking it all up again.
It's been a week since I last gambled so I'm just continuing to take it one day at a time, one step at a time.
Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you too.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
