Step 1 - Admittance - Any Advice?

Hey mate. Well done on admitting you need help and taking positive action. You’ve done everything right so far. Your story touched a nerve as I was in exactly your situation 131 days ago. I spent time in the spare room whilst the wife came to terms with things. My story didn’t pan out the way I’d hoped and I’m now a single man, but that doesn’t mean to say that will happen with you. Honesty is the key. You have to admit complete defeat to your wife. Make a plan for recovery. How to address debts, how to tackle the addiction and most importantly how to rebuild the trust. Honesty is the key to that. Hand everything over to her. You will essentially have to be a child who gets pocket money until you can show you are trustworthy. Talk daily about your thoughts and urges, attend meetings, show your wife you mean this. There is also lots of help for family members impacted by this so get her some help too.

For you, you have to face the fact that this has ruined your life, and things could get worse. The key thing is to remember what brought you to this point. No matter how bad your personal life gets, returning to gambling won’t help. If the worst happens, you still have to beat this. No going back. I can honestly say that even though I’ve lost everything, I’ve never been happier mentally. I feel like a real person now. I have regrets, obviously, not about money, not about gambling, but for what I put my ex through. Gamblers do horrible things, but we are not horrible people. That’s my regret. It wasn’t me, it was my addiction. Sounds like an excuse, but it’s true. The things we do are not us. The thought of doing those things now makes me feel sick. 

Good luck in the coming days/weeks. Keep sharing your feelings in here. It really does help. 

Stay strong 💪 

Hey, 

This was me, just over a year ago! I came clean to my husband and told him about the debt I took out in his name without him knowing (tens of thousands of pounds!)

All you can do now is be completely transparent. Don’t lie about anything, however small. Make sure you wife takes over financial control. It will take time for her to process it all, it’s even harder for someone who has never gone through it, so the understanding isn’t always there. But, you’re dealing with an illness here, and a very nasty one, so please be kind to yourself. It will be hard but don’t hold on to the guilt, it will only take you back to gambling. The evil demons want you to feel worthless and unimportant.

I am now 377 days GF, I promise you, it can be done. Just take one day at time! 

Claire x

@c0a2qf5pdi well done mate.

You have gone through the worst and the rest won't be easy but you are on the right path.

Your other half will have to process this in their own way.  

I told my wife and she was very supportive given what I did.  But it wasn't an easy time.  Lots of guilt, emotion and disappointment.

I encouraged my wife to talk to anyone she wanted about what I had done and she resisted at first as she was embarrassed and humiliated by what I had done in wasting so much of our money.  Then she agreed to talk to her sister and it helped us alot.

Listen to the guys posting here as we have been through your experience and come out the other side.

Be kind to yourself.  You didn't ask for this.  You have a mental health issue that you are bravely dealing with.  Reward your non gambling behaviour.

Your wife will have to make her own decision.  Be as open as you possibly can with her.  My wife didn't care about the money, she cared about the lack of trust.

Be as open as you possibly can with her and yourself.  Gambling loves to hide in dark places.  As for her decision what will be will be, just be honest and then you will be true to yourself and give her what she deserves.

Hi mate,

I'm also relatively new here and was in your position myself. I gambled for 7 years, hiding everything from my wife and getting myself into huge debt by maxing out my credit cards and taking out loans. I finally had to come clean when my debt and very poor credit score affecting us getting a remortgage on our house.

After coming clean I did GAMSTOP, GAMBAN and put gambling blocks on my account and cards and then I literally gave her control of everything. She has my banking app on her phone so she can keep track of my finances. All the bills have gone into her name and when I get paid, all my wages go to her to pay them and I get an 'allowance' so I can buy things I need and I give her a receipt for every single thing I buy. I've had to come off both the mortgage and the deeds to the house. I have literally nothing but I was happy to do it because I knew I needed to stop gambling, and show my wife I was serious about doing so.

Things are thankfully improving between us after she threatened me with divorce after it came out but we're not 100% yet. It will take time but you can come out of this ok. Stay strong. 💪🏾