Hey Everyone,
I've been reading a lot on this site over the last few days and decided enough was enough. I had a live chat with a Gamcare representitive and they directed me here. Yesterday was the last time I gambled so I suppose today is day 1, the beginning of a long road to recovery.
I've been gambling for a while now, it started off as daft little bets that never hurt anyone. A little accumulator at the weekend etc, this soon escalated into a full blown problem. I realised I had a problem last year and self excluded myself from the usual sites that I used. Over the last few months myself and my wife have had a rough patch which for whatever reasons has driven me into the gambling world again (maybe some release), I found a site I had forgot to block myself from and the rest is history...months later and thousands of £'s down I realised that it's time to stop. It has driven me into a world of debt, some I already had but when I stopped gambling last year my finances where managable although still quite bad but now they are far worse. Looking back now I'm kicking myself that I didn't block this site I've been using over recent months a that would have saved me the heartache.
My wife knows nothing about it which kills me the most as I am married to the most amazing woman in the world who has given me 2 amazing children, to think I have done this to the person I love is destroying me. I have hit extremely low points during my time as a gambler and won't deny I've thought about easy ways out of the debts, an old friend commited suicide last year and I attended his funeral, seeing how his 1 decision had affected his wife and children put a quick end to that. Before anyone makes quick comments about being cowardly, until you know how low someone feels in this position please think before commenting, after all I am here for help and not abuse. I feel lost and alone, I'm scared to tell my wife especially as we aren't doing to great as it is...if I'm honest her and the children are the one thing keeping me going, without them I'd be lost.
I am here to be helped and appreciate any advise you have but please make it constructive, I've enquired about the conselling sessions that Gamcare provide and will be looking into them when I return from work as I work away on a 3 week rotaional basis. I'm looking forward to hopefully never gambling again but what worries me is the finances.
Thanks for your reading what I have to say.
Dannyp
Hi Danny and welcome to the forum. Have you thought about any debt management companies? There's the likes of stepchange, payplan these are really good if your debt is squeezing you a bit. You basically pay a set amount each month until its paid. And most case's interest is frozen.
If you read around the forum many people have found telling there partner was the best move they could do. But that's completely up to you how you go about it..
I know you work away but have you thought about group's like gamblers anonymous? I'm sure they would be able to accommodate your working pattern. The forum is a great place to start your recovery especially if you get involved with challenges etc. There's also a nightly chat tonights chat are at 7 and again at 9.
Will look forward to sharing your journey..
All the best for now
Deano
Hi Danny and welcome to the forum :)).
It touched a nerve with me when you mentioned suicide being cowardly , to be honest I think you have to be in such a bad place to consider that option and that's exactly where I was 14 months ago when I came here , totaly screwed up by gambling in a fair bit of debt and really didn't know which way to turn , I'd even googled painless ways to die .
I read apost on here from Duncan and he spoke of " Suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem " and that really hit home for me , I came clean with all my family got my head around what I needed to do and I haven't gambled since that day :)).
I'd alway's agree with telling your loved ones what's going on , gambling does thrive on secrecy and if it's out in the open it really has no place to hide , if it's just you and gambling you'll always find away to justify going back to it .
Obviuosly from your post your aware of the blocks and self exclusions , there's blocking software avilable or you could ask your BB supplier to put parental control on so you can't access over 18s sites , access to funds is worth looking at as well , hand controll over to a loved one or report your card lost and when the new one arrives scratch the 3 digits off ( without writing them down of course ) , so no funds = no bets ?.
All of these things help in as much as they afford you a littkle time to reflect before going on a binge again but that being said they as you well know can all be got around , so then there's you my friend ? , It's mainly about changing your mindset if I'm honest , thinking differently about life and your future , your wife and your kids and what life will be like if you carry on this path of destructiion .
The biggest thing I found that helped is acceptance , that you can no longer gamble , admit that gamblings beaten you and knocked you sensless , but instead of going after it chasing losses or getting revenge let it all go , accept the moneys gone once and for all and that your not going to chase it anymore , that way of thinking then allows you to get on with life without wanting to return as if you truly accept it then there's no point in going back is there ? .
You shouldn't recieve any judgement on here as were all the same , all joined because we cant control our gambling " We cannot win because we cannot stop " is a favourite saying on here ? .
It takes a while to get through the fog and early stages of recovery and you will get the odd urges which you will have to fight along the way , but if you really want a better future for you and your wonderfull family then go for it , all that's holding you back is you :)).
Wish you well my friend and speak with you soon .
Alan
Ps You could also start adiary on the recoveries page , you tend to get more back and forth with people on there and its also a great place to get things off your chest and have a good old rant :))
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