Well, I didn't put enough into stopping - I could have tried harder, that is the bottom line.
I was organzing and saving/paying for a family party; no-one said I could do it, everyone said that I couldn't be trusted - I wanted to show them, I wanted to prove it, but I have blown it, I have lost all the savings I had put away with less than a week to go.
I will have to turn to the people who distrusted me, and i'm forcing them in all honesty - they don't have a choice because there will many, many people that will be let down, especially elderly relatives who may not be around for the next one. I can't tell you how bad that feels - they hate me, they will be worried sick about the amount of money, knowing that I have very poor record of paying people back.
Something has snapped inside me - I don't know what it is, but I can't imagine ever gambling again, I can't imagine ever spending another penny on it - I have two bets in running, I really couldn't give a d**n whether they win or lose. Suddenly, I feel like gambling, and the culture of gambling, is a million miles away from me - I feel that I would react with horror if someone asked me about putting a bet on.
I have gambled for 30 years and have never felt this way, ever. Maybe this is how rock bottom makes you feel, maybe this is the turning point that people talk about.
Hi,
It certainly sounds like rock bottom that you have hit and alough it doesn't feel it at the moment it's not a bad place to be because the only way from here is up!! This addiction CAN be beaten!! The trust from family and friends is a hard one to build back up but is doable!! Good luck!!
Hi Graham - Sometimes it takes something really awful such as your predicament to make the scales fall from our eyes and see clearly that gambling will always be a no-win exercise.
You win - you lose - you win - you lose and so on until you lose everything, and I don't just mean money. You have made a wise decision to come to this site and seek help. Here you will find lots of support and understanding, and sometimes a kick up the *** if need be!
Best wishes for your journey.
Joanna
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