Been thinking about trying to get help for a long time but that is only ever when i do not have any money left after gambling. Been playing fruit machines since i was 4 years old and by the time i was 15 i was gambling at least every other day. Then when i was 18 i got to join online sites and the last 12 years has been a downward spiral into addiction and debt. I was a avid CD collector and have sold probably 3000 cds to sites like music magpie for 30p a cd and gambled the lot. Am currently between 5-10 grand in debt (not sure of exact amount as so many of them i do not pay as virtually every penny of my wages goes on debts every month and literally cannot afford any more). The other week i won £1000 off a £10 deposit, i was so happy that christmas was sorted. Then i thought ill just try £50 of it and take out £950, then the slope started and in my head was working out that £800 is plenty then £700, £600 etc until a few days later i had nothing and ended up depositing my last £100 afterwards thinking ill get back to at least £300 after losing £1000. I have now had to take out another £250 loan this week to pay for a trip i have arranged next week as skint again.
All i think about is gambling, on way to work ill play on phone and then during breaks, way home and then on pc when i get home. Ive lost jobs, friends, physical items and had to move back in with my mother 9 years ago and still here.
Not really sure what i expect from joining this forum but typing this has helped as first time i have said it out loud (out loud in typing, but you know what i mean)
This has been my life for my entire adult life and unless you are addicted its an addiction the average person i find does not understand, that might just be me, i dunno but thats how i feel and i certainly feel alone in this battle, i have had a long talk with my mother and she tries to help but still feel alone in this. Only been a couple of days without a gamble and i am going nuts so hoping talking about it will help.
If anyone does read this then thanks, i get there are probably alot of people posting so everything does not get read and i get that but thanks in advance
Hi Wetfish123 - I'm new here, but I just want to say that taking the step to doing something about your habit is the only way forward. I've spent a few days reading through forum posts and recovery diaries - and it's pretty clear that there's a lot of people here who will provide a huge amount of support and inspiration. Suddenly that feeling of being alone with the problem doesn't seem as strong.
My feeling is that it's not going to be easy to break such embedded gambling habits, but it is certainly possible. I've found that when I read other people's posts, it's always clear that gambling is such a terrible destructive thing - but when it comes to me, it's as if somehow it could be different. Which of course can't be true - that's what this site has done for me in the short time I've been here - it's made me realise that I'm fooling myself. And causing a lot of unecessary pain in the process.
Glad you've found this site - and I really hope that, day by day, things get better for you. I'm sure there'll be no shortage of people to offer much better advice that my novice comments.
Take care.
You are right i was the same . The annoying thing is the companies try and tempt to carry on gambling but you have to ignore it. This my 6th gambling free day and everytime i feel like gambling i read this site it is amazing the strength you get. Keep going .
thanks both, i feel good about this. Just hope this is it for me. Wish i could be one of those people that could "just do a tenner" payday but never happens
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