Trying to stop

Hi Sarah

I'm good thanks, iv only been on here a couple of times the last few days but iv not been talking and mainly just reading people's threads. Yes I'm still gamble free and not been tempted at all which has really surprised me but like you I'm not taking anything for granted. 

Yeah I had a good weekend with the boys and layla had a nice time at respite. 

That's great that you got through pay day and have still not been tempted, its pay day for me tomorrow, it was my last pay last month that I last gambled and blew about 500 quid in minutes, I know I won't this month but I'm spending the day with my mum just as another barrier for me to not do anything, 

That's wise that your trying to keep busy of an evening and not logging onto anything, is your dad OK after his bad day on saturday

Hi lee

dad has had a quiet week bless him.  Glad Layla had a good weekend.  I think great idea to spend time with your mum.  Maybe treat yourself to something so no money to spend.  As you have been clever enough to not get in to debt enjoy your abstainance.  

What can you get.  Mmmmm what about a good box set?

sarah x

Hi Sarah

Payday has been with no problems, I do have some debts I have 3 payday loans but today I have paid £150 off one of them and that one is nearly paid off now,paying that much in one go is something I never would have done while I was gambling, even when I had a big win I still wouldn't pay anything extra off my debts cos I'd always want as much gambling money available as possible, I used to always think when can I get a top up on my loans but now I'm pretty confident that I will be able to get rid of them completely in the next year or so. 

Hope you've had a good day

Hi lee

how are you doing?

sarah x

Hi

I am glad that I am free of all loans it is a very expensive way to live.

Sticking with my recovery reduced the stresses I put on myself.

I am glad also that I pay my credit cards in full each month, that was also costly.

Regards Dave L

hi Smartie

it's not quite 45 days last Friday I had a bit of a slip. It's the fobts I play and for over a month I hadn't had any urges at all but I was out shopping and I don't know why but I went into the bookies.

I put £10 in and quickly lost that and with me when I lose any amount even a couple of pound I won't stop until I at least get it back or lose everything. I ended up putting £60 in but luckily got up to £90 So was able to walk out but I felt really horrible even betting again so I gave the £30 winnings to my sister because I just didn't want it so hopefully that was a good sign that I can stay away and iv had no urges at all since then so just have to take it 1 day at a time.

I just seen on your thread you've gone over 6 years,that's brilliant mate well done.

Yeah the fobts are very much my kryptonite, iv never had a problem online and never bet on horses or anything its just when I'm in front of them machines something takes over and I did not know what I'm doing. 

Even this new £2 limit they have found a way round by letting you bet up to £30 on the roulette board but having to win a £2 gamble first so they hook you in by in theory being able to win £500 off a £2 bet but you can still and I have done  lose hundreds on them in minutes, so even though its sad that people are losing their jobs I'm glad to hear about these bookies closures and hopefully there's many more to come. 

I have self excluded myself from a few close by and am looking into a nationwide one. 

What was it that you used to bet on

Hi

The gambling was a form of escape when I was feeling emotionally vulnerable.

Today I am healthier, today I do not want or need to escape to unhealthy habits.

At one time I use to abstain from my gambling and would escape in other ways.

Each unhealthy habit I decided to replace with a healthy habit. 

I started to write down my needs my wants my goals and my finances. 

There was a good saying I found useful measure twice cut once.

I use to want to rush at things, I was a very impatient intolerant person.

This was an indication that I was very hard on myself.

As my fears reduced my trust grew, by sharing my deep seated therapies I would reveal more about myself.

The recovery program was initially about abstaining then became about healing my hurt inner child.

Procrastination was an unhealthy habit, it was due to fear, lack of confidence,  lack of faith and hope in myself, it indicated how inadequate and insecure I felt with in myself, it also indicated how unworthy I felt about myself.

I even use to fear emotional intimacy and fear the opposite s*x.

Today I am not into beating myself up, I am more patient and tolerant with myself.

I was a victim as a child, then I became a perpetrator, and then in recovery I tried to become a rescuer.

To stop being a victim I needed to have a voice and speak up for myself in peacful healthy ways.

To stop being a perpetrator I needed to be honest and accountable to myself so that I became more caring towards myself, to be more respectful towards others and to no longer have an adverse effect on myself and other people.

Only when people ask for help am I willing to talk on one to one.

When people ask for help I help them help them self.

One to one can be very helpful and beneficial to both parties recovery, just as friends or in sponsor way.

A healthy sponsor will not bully or manipulate people.

A healthy sponsor will not take any credit for a any person success and growth.

A healthy sponsor will help people over come fear of emotional intimacy.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham