what have i done?

hi aberdeen

don,t be so hard on yourself , the gambling bug has many victims , once your in the zone its so hard to pull out especially if your loosing as your brain tricks you into one more spin and it could be jackpot or big win , i know its a silly saying but its only money it comes and goes , most people have some sort of vice and you did 30 days so you have got character and will power , i think you have to ask for help in respect to re lapses , when you get them you need to ring someone or gamecare or post and block the slots

chin up mate

Hi you really need to speak to someone if you are feeling suicidal whether its a friend/relative or Gamcare or your GP or the Samaritans. Please think about it.

Hello aberdeen,

It is good that you've joined the forum; the peer support here can often be a comfort when you're feeling shame after a relapse. Perhaps the silver lining to your recent slip is that it has prompted you to post on the forum. If you'd like to make regular use of the forum, you could start a Recovery diary, so using the peer support here becomes a routine part of your recovery.

You're welcome to call us on 0808 8020 133 if you feel like talking. You can talk with us immediately anytime from 8am and midnight. GamCare also offers free face-to-face therapy if you'd like to sit down 1-2-1 with a counsellor who will be keen to provide emotional support and understanding. A weekly appointment can help to keep recovery on your agenda, nurturing your motivation to make practical changes while also giving you time to reflect and to deepen your understanding and to improve your experience. You can call us to find out more about free therapy near you.

Take care,

Adam.

Thank you for your thoughts-sorry I havnt come back but i can only write posts on the computer and am overlooked most of the time and as you can probably imagine my family are not aware of the extent of my problem. I would appreciate anybody else who can relate to me and how they are coping- I ve reset my gambling date to 0 and now hope that I continue going upwards.

Hi Aberdeen I can totally relate to you and I have justed started posting this weekend onsite this after another bad relapse on Friday. I have gamblock on my computer but was playing on my kindle. I was so disgusted with myself on Friday I smashed my Kindle and feel a weight has been lifted as cannot get access to anything to gamble on. I thought I was strong enough to resist but I'm not and I have to accept that. I think the way forward is to get rid of anything that allows you to gamble and also get the support from this site. Sounds like you are not alone in relapsing and because you really want to go upwards...you will.

30 days was a long time and it does get easier I promise. I haven't kept a tally of days gamble free as I think it puts me under too much pressure but do whatever works for u. U will probably have a few relapses in your journey to recovery. The trick is to limit the damage and not beat yourself up to much when it happens. Dust yourself down and get back on with it without looking back. 14 year a gambler and although I recently had a lapse of gambling, I didn't spend every penny I had. I didn't steal or borrow. I pulled myself out of the haze and started again. I can honestly say that after only a few months gambling no longer controls me. It's not my first thought when I get paid. I have pride in myself and am seeing the value of money in the things I can now afford to buy. I promise u that to beat this addiction u need to beat the "habit" change all your behaviour and find something a hobby anything to keep u busy. Breaking the cycle is half the battle. I promise u can do this X

What I dont understand is how you can feel so bad and yet go back time and time again. I keep promising myself I dont want to feel this bad again in my life and them low and behold two days later im gambling loads of money- ive now self excluded all my accounts and im having counselling and now I am hoping that i can stay away from the sites and more importantly stop wanting to ******* gamble

i thought Id just check in and give an update of how things are going- i have now ticked off 7 days gamble free (seems longer than that) I can say that the thoughts of gambling still cross my mind most days - but are just finding other things to think about/do. Reading the forums and finding out about other people feeling the same as you (especially the regambling even though we know its the worst decision ever but doing it anyway posts) I feel alot better in myself but still struggling with the fallout and the realisation of how much money Ive lost (and won and lost). But even though I only owe money the the family pot (which is bad enough) i vowed to repay it all and now realise that trying to gamble it back isnt going to work but if I work hard I WiLL pay it back but it will take some time. Wishing every one well with all the challenges that being a CG causes.

You've made a great start Aberdeen. I'm also having counselling (I'm a few weeks in) and its proving a great help. Stay strong and keep posting

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well done, and i hope you are still doing well. i agree its madness how quickly we forget the feeling of losing and so quickly do it again. i honstly think this is part of our nature and personality as well as the addiction. im just as stupid when it comes to a bad relationship i moved heaven and earth to get out of, yet still go back for more. we are soft and forgiving in nature. we are optimists although most of us suffer depression at same time. we are complex!. we CAN do this though. keep us posted and good luck hun x

​hi Aberdeen, hope all ok with you. Perhaps you could give us an update?

Well heres an update - I had managed to stay gamble free but again Ive got sucked in and found myself signing up to a new site (which I have now been informed is a linked site to one ive excluded from which ok they have now excluded me but not before taking my money and stopping my account mid win - so im now complaining) I suppose thats taught me something, Ive had all my counselling now and trying to get into the gamcare group sessions as im not sure that GA is right for me and im clearly not coping on my own, I hate that Ive replapsed again and I know Ive only got myself to blame but ive been ill recently after Id been trying to go on a health kick -joining gym eating healthy then got ill (flu) and just been so depressed about not being able to move on with my 'NEW ME' I will try again again again....