Hey guys, it is 1 day after my lowest point ever and i am still holding on,
The facts are these i have had a on and off issue with gambling over the years, then i had the most amazing girlfriend,her family loved me and recently my anxiousness caused me to do something that messed everything up,it wasnt anything bad like cheating or gambling or anything voilent, because i thought that it was over i self destructed and blew all my wages in the bookies rent aswell. Yesterday i spoke to her family to make amense which they accepted and hugged me etc,then i spent the time talking with her,if she is gonna forgive me for what happened it will obviously take time, but then the reality of gambling all that money hit me and i kept thinking iam going to need money to support us,and then thought i have ruined everything i am not going to tell her that i have no money because that will just destroy any chance of redemption, so i went for a walk on my own, and could not stop crying i felt so guilty about all i had done and just wanted to run away from it all, eventually after 1hour of crying i spoke to my mother who agreed to help me with a bit of money,
I have never felt so at the bottom of the barrell and been so close to loseing everything , i love her and her so much,and i cant believe how badly i messed up,i have faced up to them and appoligised and am doing what is nessecary to put things right,but now its if my girlfriend will forgive me and i am going to do anything to fight for us.
As for the gambling have self excluded from online and getting photos done for betting shop exclusion, i cant even think about the word bet without feeling sick,how low and selfish and destructive i was ,without dealing with things and facing them i would go to the betting shop so i wouldnt have to try and face things.
So there it is i was so low i never thought i would be able to recover,i came so close to total destruction and held on by a wisker,i still might loose her and i still cant imagine being without her, but what i have done is faced her family,faced up to my actions,know what i need to change and i am willing to change, aranged to talk to someone about my anxiousness and gambling as a escape.
I hope i dont loose her,i know i will change,i wont gamble.
Please if anyone is reading this dont let this addiction ruin someones love for you that is the worse lose you can ever have.
Even as iam typing this i am actually crying,because of the guilt how much hurt i have caused,and thinking about how much i made my girlfriend cry.
I just need to try and get through each day as it comes.
Hi rob27,
I've read carefully what you've posted. Well done for coming here. It shows that you may be ready to get your life in some sort of order now.
One of the things you mention is your anxiousness. I'm glad that you appear to have taken steps to discuss this with someone. You sound quite depressed and it maybe that talking to your doctor may help if this is the case.
You seem to really love your girlfriend and I feel you need to prove to her that you are taking steps to seek help.
It may be beneficial to entrust your girlfriend with your finances for the immediate future. That will at least give her some confidence in your determination to quit. As well as ensuring that you do not have access to gambling ammunition..
Talking to Gamcare and or going to GA meetings may help as well.
It is possible to beat this addiction. Take it one day at a time. I've gone over 201 days without gambling. I mention this to give you encouragement. If I can get this far then you can too.
Keep coming to this forum.
Others may post advice for you as well.
Best Wishes.
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