I've been off gambling for around 3-4 weeks now (i don't like to count days - puts pressure on), and tonight i know for sure i'm down to zero again. I don't know why but i've come home from a bad day at work and had decided to have a drink. This has lead to me gambling - i think more than half of my problem here is drinking - i can't gamble when i'm sober as i KNOW the house is against me, yet when i drink i couldn't give less of a f***. So here i am, gambling online again. I'm not down, i'm up (substantially) but i know there is no point in taking this money as i am destined to put it back into the house's pocket. Im so disappointed in myself, i feel totally worthless. I mean i work bloody hard monday to friday doing 9 hour days (not including overtime that i do) and it is paying off - My credit card was paid off but still have 2 outstanding payday loans (flexi) that i'm paying out for. However i have used my card to gamble tonight and the thoughts have all come back, most importantly the personality. I have instantly become depressed, i have clicked and realised that what i'm doing is everything i didn't want to in this new year. 8 days into a new year and ive failed. I feel so weak and worthless. I have betfilter on my laptop but it seems paying £40+ for this software is pointless as i have managed to use a betting website that isn't recognised by the software. Happy new year everyone....
Get off that Jimmy now. Everyone has weak moments you can start again you are in a dangerous spot winning can be a disaster as you sometimes feel you can go back as you have done no financial damage. Get off the site use the money you won to pay down your loans and get back posting. Drinking is dodgy lowers you inhibitions and you prob are a little depressed today also. Come on Jimmy you can do this.
Michael
Thanks michael for replying. I am not after sympathy etc before anyone gets me wrong, i just can't put one and two together as to why i do what i do. Thinking about it now, it is probably 90% the drinking. I still haven't took the money and i'm up even more. How dangerous is this? Though i will take your advice now michael and withdraw it and put it to good use. Hopefully it doesn't make a mark in my brain that says "gambling pays debts" as that is the big lie that we all experience. I will try to pick myself up dust myself off and carry on. It just seems that as long as i am in debt, i can't forget about what i've done in the past and move on, i hate this beyond words! 🙁
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