A two-way agreement

Hi Dave

I think what you have said is the reality of what has to happen to manage the problem.

For years I did not take responsibility and relapsed. Since my last stop I have taken responsibility and it seems now I may be able to take control. It can't just be reactive one needs to be proactive.

Keep posting these topics as this is the purpose of the forum and all should feel free to speak freely. I find your opinions useful.

All the best

The isn't "one way" to manage this problem, that is my argument. People have a wide range of different reasons why they do what the do and they need treating accordingly. No one has a "one size fits all" answer to it.

Yes people should be free to express their opinions but I hope they do it in a way that respects those who come here often in total despair.

This is a really interesting thread and I would say I tend to agree with Dave; however, I think that's because what he is saying works/ is working for me. I'm still early in my third attempt at stopping but this time has felt easier and as if it is being built on a better foundation.

At the end of the day some people seek help through pressure from a third party due to one isolated incident, but in reality that person doesn't think they have a problem or want to quit, even if that incident is typical of problem gambling. By posting on here and being critical of themselves displays the remorse and emotion the third party wants to hear- even if that third party is the persons conscience. Then they disappear until the next time!

These one time posters might come back if their situation gets worse. I was one of these post and run individuals, although I did ask specific questions, when I first tried to stop. I posted, had some release and then thought I could go it alone. Big mistake.

So yes beating this addiction is a two-sided task but the main responsibility has to fall on the gamblers side as they will only quit if they put 100% into it, and to enable this effort they have unconditional support from people on this site to maintain their motivation. The great thing about this site is that you have a wide range of people with different views and experiences supporting each other- this range gives a balanced view for people to read and takes what they need from accelerating their journey in finding what works for them. Everyone is different in how they deal with their gambling and it is an ongoing learning experience, even for the veterans on this site.

6 weeks free from a bet, this thread got me angry the last time I read it but I thought id add something.

Willpower isn't enough to stop gambling.

A gambler in the first stages of recovery needs to block any access to money. no cards, small amount of money to carry.

Ive done that and its helped.

I did have access to my bank card when I needed to pay the rent two weeks ago, even though I had spent a month going to ga and posting here I cant describe the urge I had to gamble,. it was almost hurting me.

but I didn't gamble, I didn't allow myself to gamble.

I handed the bank card over and a part of me was upset I couldn't gamble.

An addict needs time to retrain their brain,

I needed to be strong, I was strong. I didn't gamble.

and life doesn't get better, theres a mess to be cleared up. more importantly the brain is being unknotted and thought processes change which can be difficult.

Sorry for the ramble, Stay strong, Do the right things

Well done Stephen 6 weeks is excellent.

Thank you also for reinforcing what I said to start this particular thread about the need to put barriers in place for when the urges strike.

You have also reinforced the need for concerted willpower to be added to the mix.

Combining these things is working for you and it is a winning combination.

Keep up the good work and thanks again for helping to show why I started his thread.

Look forward to hearing about you continued success.

Dave

Bump

I love Daveuks posts filled with honesty & reality. Thought provoking & divisive in opinions surely exactly what this forum requires.

Hi to all.

I am a recovering CG.

I think Dave has posted some valid points, however he could have done so a bit more delicately. Might I suggest that because he is 8 years free of gambling that he may not truly remember how he felt when he was attempting his early recovery?

I first attended GA 6 years ago, had a big bust for 6 months about 3 years ago, but have been clean since. A suicide attempt led me to GA. That is how bad I felt. Today, I find that no matter how I try, I cannot remember how bad that feeling was. How much I loathed myself. I think we can forget how lost and alone the gambler seeking help feels. So I think we have to give posters a bit of leeway here. Treat each one differently, because we are all different, but also be supportive. Let them know that we are here for them.

The vast majority of 1st time members walking thru the doors of my GA group don't return. They obviously aren't really ready to stop, but we always give them support and advice in the hope that they remember we are there when they are ready to come back.

Best wishes to all

A few thoughts from me.

If only gambling addiction was logical... we could all then apply logical solutions to free ourselves of our gambling problems.

Unfortunately gambling addiction is not logical its an emotional problem and until we learn to deal with our emotions in a different way, we will always remain susceptible to relapse.

Dave is right in his thoughts, but applying logical steps to recovery and taking personal responsibility is a gradual process for most addicts I think, me included.

I don't feel that people come on here to sulk but they come here because they feel desparate and they don't know what else to do and its a means of getting whatever it is going on there head out in the open... which is always positive, however distorted or childlike or f****d up it maybe.

Anyway thats me. Must admit that this morning I am here writing this rather than dealing with my life issues... but its sure better to be doing this than gambling.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Cant disagree with either previous comments. But its good to get people discussing their views & i think thats what will help most in overcoming our compulsive behaviour. Dave no doubt likes to poke people with sticks to challenge them to think differently about this. Do i agree with all he says... no. But @ least its an honest view & not just writing what you think people want to hear.