Hi I’m new to this never posted on a forum before so not sure how it works but here’s how my gambling story goes.
From been in school I was money orientated even at the age of 16 I looked older than I was and was going into the bookies on my dinner break on the roulette machine simple betting on black and red and making £10 and loving the thrill.
Things got worse and worse as time went on, I’ve always had well paid jobs but for 6 year in my last company I would get paid then couple of days later the money would be gone. I ended up with countless payday loans credit cards £10k worth off debt which all went into default and tortured my credit rating for 6 years but I still never stopped. I would bet on anything and everything roulette dogs horses football. About 3 years ago I lost my family through gambling as I lied constantly promised I’d never do it again and always did and always lost everything.
I went to GA meetings and one to one counselling but i found I just knew what they where going to say. Like it’s only you that can stop, when u feel the urge ring someone etc and I’ve always just thought I don’t need help (when I’m reality I know I do) but I just think if I don’t have money available to me then I can’t bet and then maybe for a couple of months I don’t have money available to me so I stop for a couple of months and think I’m fine and overcome it but then things just happen all over again.
So basically I stopped gambling last year after I met my new partner, things where going great all my defaults had comes off my credit rating my last 2 ccjs are due to come off this year my credit rating was back in the good saving up for a mortgage with my new partner of a year. I told her after about 6 months of been with her that I had a gambling problem and she knew that was the reason I split up with my ex and she said if I did it again I would lose her because she couldn’t trust me.
However Christmas Day for whatever reason I end up been on a gambling site (I work offshore and was offshore at the time over xmas) basically I ended up losing everything maxing out my credit cards losing 15k Christmas Day none of it my own money just on credit cards and 5k overdraft. (Obviously the worst xmas day of my life)
I ended up getting a 10k loan of a family member without my partner knowing and paid off my debts again. So then since Christmas I have been gamble free until 2 weeks ago, I came back to work had a couple of hours to kill in the airport sat down and deposited 50 pound into my 8*8 account (only one that I hadn’t barred myself off) I won 18k off that 50 pound literally in 20 minutes on the roulette live casino. I was buzzing shaking thinking of all the things I could do with that money. Then get back to work the same night I ended up logging back in blowing all of the 18k literally within an hour and then started to deposit my own money.
I blew 10 thousand on credit cards 5k overdraft got a 5k loan got 3 1k payday loans and I’m still even today searching for more payday loans as I don’t know what to do. I’ve ran up 30k debt with interest included within the last 2 weeks. Last night I went back up to 13k then lost it in 10 minutes and was seriously suicidal. I cried my eyes out pacing up and down shaking dropping to my knees in tears head in my hands for the past 2 weeks I’ve been in a total daze not with it at all not talking to anybody just head in my phone either gambling or searching for loans I am totally lost with emotion and stress and don’t know what to do because I really can not stop
I’ve got 3 weeks left before I go back home my partner is none the wiser we’ve just had a lovely holiday things where going great now I just think if I don’t get that money back I’m going to lose her because she will find out I’ll have to go bankrupt or Iva or something and that’s another 6 years when I’ve just got over this 6 years trying to fix my credit rating I just don’t know I know I need help I just can not stop thinking about it I don’t know what to do
Be honest to her thats Ll u can do
This breaks my heart reading.... Read Allen Carrs book right now! He takes away your desire to gamble through sheer knowledge and rationality! He has cured millions of people. He has an illusion in his book. Where you only see black blocks. If you close your eyes halfway and look through your eyelashes, you see the word STOP in the white spaces. This meaning that things are often the opposite of what we think. Imagine the black(which we see) as the cruel illusion of gambling, and the white "STOP" as what gambling really is!
Not good mate, definitely some demons there that need to be tamed. For online just use Gamstop. All your accounts automatically excluded and Unable to sign up anywhere. That would certainly help when your away working.
Been in your position myself before so know exactly how your feeling. You are probably going to need to tell your partner though
Hello matt888 welcome to the forum it sounds very difficult for you right now matt you can call and talk through your concerns with an adviser on Gamcare freephone helpline 0808 8020 133 or please contact us through Gamcare netline https://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline we are here to support you.
I am sorry to hear you have had suicidal thoughts It is concerning to hear this. Please consider contacting your GP and speak with them about how you have been feeling matt. You can also talk with the Samaritans when feeling very low please see here for contact details https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you
There are Debt advisers you can talk with they can help you organise a payment arrangment with your debts
Stepchange 0800 138 1111
National Debtline 0808 808 4000
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/finance-and-debt-management#.VBwEDvldXww
Keep posting we are here to support you
Kind Regards
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