Almost 3 weeks without gambilng - but have a question

I don't know how it works for others, but I've tried and failed every time eventually whenever I've tried "controlled betting". It just brings me back to the hell I know all too well now.

For me, it's has to be cold turkey. A win, and I must repeat it. A lost, and I must chase.

To the point, they are both now the same thing...because either way, I simply can't stop till I've lost all my money. Up, up, up, up, down, down, down, broke, borrow, debt, borrow, borrow, loan, sell stuff, borrow from people I'd never dreamed I'd ask money from. Up, up, down, down, down, beg, think of stealing/robbing banks/casinos, crime, suicidal thoughts.

It's a disgusting way of life. Why even try and control it, why not kill it off. Your wife can only watch over so many hours of the day.

Thanks for your advice judderman, the reason I was suggesting this is because this sort of betting is offline, it can only be one off as we leave next Monday and my intention is only to do it with my wife's agreement, and trust me, she's not so much in a rush to do so ...

Likewise, it's not going to be for a big amount ... now that I write all this I really don't know if I'm much interested in this sort of activity, let's see how things feel tomorrow ...

hi want

its entirely up to you whether you gamble or not but can you really say that if you had a decent win through the bookies that you wouldnt crave that feeling again and then they cycle would start again? Same applies to a loss, could you honestly say that you wouldnt chase the money?

I would say the gambling devil on your shoulder is trying his best to get you to agree to "one small bet"-"it wont do any harm"- only when your wife present"

These are all things that will convince you it is ok and then before you know it you are on the back of a big loss and feeling devastated with yourself.

My advice would be to carry on abstaining completely- you have done fantastic to get to 3 weeks and imagine how great you would feel if you make it to 3 months?

Like I said at the start its up to you but think carefully before you give in to that little voice because its a real slippery slope. I wont even do the line a week on the lotto now just in case a little win might drag me down to the depths again.

Anyway I hope whatever you do works for you and well done again!

Linda

Hi there,

Happy New Year!

I would suggest it's all or nothing - and nothing is a considerably better option!

Hardtimes is right. It may be a couple of 'physical' bets now but you'll get the same buzz and excitement from that, and it will inevitably lead to other things, even if you have self-excluded - a determined gambler can always find ways around the barriers to gambling.

The question I would ask, and I think you should ask yourself, is why would you even take the risk with it? The very fact you have the desire to get around any remaining roadblocks (including your wife's opinion on the matter) to make a bet, tells me that the desire to gamble is still looming large, that you have not said goodbye to gambling in your mind even though you have acknowledged it is a problem.

It is fantastic you have stopped for a few weeks and that you have been so open and honest with your wife, and I would continue that as the means to stop completely - but you have to try and say 'goodbye' to gambling in your head. That can be a gut-wrenching proposition - gambling feels like a 'friend' and 'ally' after all those years - a comfortable place to turn to. But it is the worst friend in the world as it is ripping you apart, every moment you spend with it.

The means of gambling is not really important for a GA, it is the fact that any means of gambling will inevitably lead to the one that gives you most pleasure / pain - for example, for me, casinos and online slots were my biggest downfall - on the other hand, I know I could bet on horse racing and scratch cards in a relatively 'controlled' manner. But if I were to buy a single scratch card today, I guarantee it would be a matter of weeks before I was down the casino, wracking up huge debts. That downward spiral may take different forms and take different amounts of time for each GA, but it will always happen, I'm certain of that.

So I would urge you to consider NOT making those physical bets and having a bet-free 2014 - one day at a time.

All the best,

Ross

Hi guys,

I eventually ended up betting with my wife, but I saw how nervous she was ... I ended up losing 550 GBP which is terrible but the good thing is that my wife finally KNOWS about it all and she was and is very supportive. I haven't bet since and it's still quite annoying to lose another 550 GBP but if that's the price I had to pay for her to know and admit it all that's the positive thing that came out of it.

I am trying to keep 2014 gambling free now, after lots of conversations with my wife and new book I'm reading I hope to get there to life without this monster.

I wish you good luck but you crossed a threshold line when you stole that money. In another thread you said you had the money but didn't want to pay it back because its for a house.

I think you need to pay this back immediately, imagine if your wife found out, even then, you are still keeping secrets from her, and this is a big one.

Sorry to sound harsh, I am just worried for you.

I'm paying it back in installments.

There is more to that story besides the $19,000 remaining to be paid ... the business owes me $10,000 and my partner would need to pay from his own pocket as well for that.

In addition, the work between me and my partner is not equally fair ... my wife knows about us, I'm in a bad mood lots of times including now, and not because I don't gamble (I don't need gambling), but because the profits are low and my business partner hasn't done much for the success of the business.

If he was a true partner I would have given him the money immediately, but in a way he's s******g me too, some of these losses and bad moods are my fault but he has contributed to that. He's having a good life where I work more than him ... I don't touch his money anymore and I'm glad I don't but we do need to settle down what is owed between us, that's for sure. I hope to continue paying in installments at least until $10,000 is left ($9,000 more), then I would talk to HIM directly about the debt.

Should I involve my wife with the $9,000 debt? I don't know, maybe you're right, I did mess up with that, that's for sure 🙁

I am going to sound pretty harsh, but even before your last post I didn't get the feeling you are at a stage where you are ready to stop. You have talked about controlling your betting, and now you are making excuses for stealing money from your business, which to my mind is someone isn't really facing up to their own actions. It really doesn't matter about your relatinoship with your business partner or the situation there. You still stole money and are rationalising it as acceptable.

Anyway, I really hope you can stop gambling.