Hello again
it's been a little over half a year since my problems with online sports gambling were present but over the last month or so they're back. I started with some small bets via a friends account then opened my own and from there I've been gambling everyday for a month. I was up about 5 k and felt great, some money in my bank and I was withdrawing anything I won daily. Averaging a few hundred a day. Then the losing streak came and bigger bets to get back what I lost. I am down about £7/800 which is a lot I know but not the worst loss I've had by a long shot. I still have money in my bank but I feel so drained once again. Not slept properly for a week and still have a stupid bet in play which I just want to finish so I can either cash out or just lose either way I have the self exclude page open. This one seems to have hit me hard because I was doing so well. I have some money in the bank, not a lot, but when you've gambled as much as many on here have a small amount in credit is huge. I have let myself down and feel back to square one with it all. I gambled last night and even when I was ready to bet I didn't want to do it, I was just chasing the losses. I am struggling with this one as much as the biggest losses I had, i have lost over 5k but luckily only 7/800 was actually my own. I guess I am just trying to find a positive amongst the negative here. How do we deal with losses, I have spent 3 days feeling so angry and agitated by the losses and it drives me to feel so depressed and angry. What I could have done with the money, how I have car insurance to pay next month, how my girlfriend wants a holiday but I say I'm too skint. When you realise the reality of it all it makes you feel worthless and evil or something, it's hard to explain but I don't understand what is wrong with me that I would keep doing this. It must be 10th time at least I have got to this point. At least it's a smaller loss financially to the other times but the feelings still the same.
We can't win because we can't stop. Unfortunately starting gambling again only had one inevitable outcome. We know it feels great...you're winning! You're a success and all of life's problems fade away. But As compulsive gamblers we cant stop...we start to lose...then we chase...then it's all gone. It's the same time and time again. Gambling = losing time, money and energy for people with this disease. There is no "oh I'll have a little gamble today"...the illness is progressive and what starts out small ends up snowballing every single time without fail. It was only a matter of time. I feel for you but let this be a lesson. Be glad you didn't win more or for a longer period of weeks...This would have made it even harder for you to take.
You're right MrM and it's exactly what I would be saying. It's a curse. I've been trying to remember how I got so into it but it's the usual story of fruit machines, scratch cards the when i discovered online gambling it took over. It's not real money until you check your bank. It's too easy especially for people with weaknesses for it. Anyhow cheers for the words. Spent the day trying to rationalise things, try and see the good things in life rather than just the money aspect which can take over. I always say I don't want to be a slave to money and end up being when I slip up like this. At least the idea of trying to win my money back fills me with dread right now rather than optimism I can do it which is usually the downfall. I am trying to look forward to a life with no gambling again.
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