Back again

Hello, I posted on here a few years back and had a very nice period of my life where gambling ceased, the reality of the past few years, losing people (won’t go into the details) has pushed me back to that place, I have been on GAMBAN for 4 years but managed to sign up to some random foreign site, and that was it hooked again, the shame I feel is deep, I fear that if I tell my wife then the disappointment would be the end for is, ironically and through very hard work money is not an issue, but if I don’t cease money will become and issue, I have always worked hard and am paid very well, but this is not about the money, it’s the highs and lows that for some reason have pulled me back in, I write this as I put my 2 year old to bed, and I think to myself how ashamed he would be of me, how have others changed there behaviours, attitudes and focuses to rid themselves of this disease. I know it sounds a bit deep but I’m all honesty how you feel after a big loss or even a big win is similar to the effects of illness, some days your up both financially and mood wise and some days your down, writing this helps me to recognise the issues I have, I know it’s down to me and I know I have bought all this on myself, I look back over the last 20 years or so, I remember my first bet as most people do and then I think back the last bet I placed, even if I walk away with nothing I feel the same if I walk away with thousands…… it would be great to talk with people wanting to get out of this circle and understand some coping methods that others have used to move forward with their lives. ATB