Back to square one - Relapsed

Hello there,

I've spent most of today reading through this forum.. Something I haven't done for around 18 months. I've not been here for that time as I FINALLY quit gambling.. Or at least I thought I had...

I'm 24 years old and I have my own business. Been trading for 7 months and each month I've been able to take a comfortable wage, the shop has been making a profit and all has been going so well.

I had been gambling since I was 16. Started with FOBTs and Poker and I gambled on and off (off was usually because I had nothing left to gamble). This then led to include sports betting, fruit machines, literally anything.

Just before I was 23 I confessed to my mother. She knew I gambled bits but didn't realise how much of a problem it was. She encouraged me to see a counsellor. I only attended one session with intentions to make appointments regularly but because of work commitments I didn't see it through. After that session however, my Mum took me round all of the local bookmakers where I self excluded. I felt embarrassed and hated doing it, especially as I have friends that worked there and had become friendly with other staff. From this moment however for over a year I didn't gamble.

In the small town where my shop is, there's a bookmakers. 4/5 months ago, I decided to place a small football bet to make following and watching the games a little more exciting. I did this for 3/4 weeks.

I then mistakenly put £20 in to a FOBT. I thought to myself at the time, I won't ever become addicted again. It's just £20. Just a one off. How stupid and wrong I was to have even entered the book makers to do those football bets in the first place.

I've recently been finding myself now going to the bookmakers that is a 2 minute walk across the street almost every day. I've become this compulsive gambling addict again. Instead of looking forward to taking money home each week and paying my rent, shopping, going out I'm instead gambling everything I earn... But I'm also gambling company money that I have worked so hard towards.

Yesterday £40 turned in to £500/£600. I cashed out. Full of joy, happiness and promised myself I wouldn't go back in. 30 minutes later I was back in, and within 15 minutes empty. I've been going in regularly now every day as soon as I close my shop for the past few months. Whether I win, or lose I gamble. I gamble until I have nothing left.

I need to fight through the temptation. Tonight I WILL NOT go in to that bookmakers and tomorrow I will post to confirm I didn't go in.

Forgive me for being weak and I really do want to help myself through this.. What can I do to move on from here?

I cannot self exclude. Staff are regular customers at my shop who I have built a relationship with. I don't want them to know of my problem and not having the willpower like most people to not go in. Staff are also friends of family and my girlfriend. My girlfriend stood by me once and one time only. I made a promise I would stop. I couldn't put her through the stress and misery again neither could my Mum who has other problems in her life.

I have banned myself from all online sites. I just need to keep myself out of this particular bookies as a start.

I would love to see my counsellor again, but I work Monday-Saturday from morning until night and I don't have the time.

By starting and making this post I'm hoping that with the support from others I can *** this addiction. I too will listen to experiences and one day would hope I can be the person here to support others having overcome gambling.

Appreciate your time in reading my post. Sorry that it's a long one