Blockers & Barriers

I'm not stalking you honest :)) .

Until youtr stronger I'd put everything you can in the way of gambling and you ! .

The debit card's a good idea as you can't then deposit online , the self exclutions can become further afield if you use the national exclution helpline 08002942060 and they do the work there's aslo one for Casino's called SENSE if you google it .

If your struggling with having any money with you then why not offer a reciept to your partned for everything you spend , it's a little drastic but has worked for many on here and when " Needs must " ? .

However many blocks we put in place , they can still be Got around if our complusion to gamble is that great and a lot of what you do is still down to good old fashioned willpower , I had all my blocks in place for the first 12 months but haven't renewed anything as I feel in a better place now but they were critical in not stopping me but affording me the time to think before placing another bet , thankfully which I didn't do :))

Back off to work now so it's safe to post again and I promise I won't reply , LOL !

Ps , Regard's to the online stuff have you put any online blocking software on such as Gamblock or Netnanny ? It's another option that will stop you accessing sites :))

Don't be silly Alan, it's great you are taking the time to reply to my first few posts! If anything, it's exicting.. LOL! I know it sounds a little sad but you feel warm that people have gone through the same and are willing to share their time/stories.

I actually used the national self-exclusion line with the betting shops I mentioned about, but the more I think of it I don't know why I didn't do a bigger radius? Some others are only about 2 miles away which is nothing on a bus or in a taxi and if I'm that desperate I'd end up doing it. I'll get right onto it straight away..

It's great that you feel comfortable enough to relax your blocks after the initial 12 months.. if (or should I say WHEN!) I get that far I guess I'll have to decide but can't help thinking that although it makes daily life a little more inconvenient the rewards of not being able to self-destruct are priceless.

Hi mrhonest

My husband is the recovering CG in the house and I can give you some idea of what we have in place. He has a basic no frills bank account for receipt of his salary. I hold the card to it and transfer the money to my account on receipt. There are passwords on PC's and laptops and I have installed K9 blocker to them. He does have unrestricted internet access on his work devices which makes me a bit itchy but as they can be monitored by work I have to hope that's enough incentive. That said the only bank account is he can access is one I monitor and operate daily. For a very long time I kept the available balance at nil so I could see at a glance if anything untoward was going on.

I have access to his credit reports from all three agencies and have email alerts set up to tell me if anything changes in between updates. All savings and assets are in my sole name and any major purchases go through my sole bank account.

He has notices of correction registered with every agency saying he does not wish to be offered or extended credit even if he applies for it and/or appears to qualify. I see receipts for spending and he doesn't routinely carry even small change.

He attended counselling from Gamcare which he found useful and he goes to GA weekly. Alongside barriers it's important to identify and address whatever it is that's driving the compulsion. Neither of us plan to change any of the measures we have in place. He is relieved he can't access money unscrutinised and he's relieved not to have to think about managing the finances.

Has your partner got any support for herself? All of this will have been a massive shock to her.and it's important she gets help and support in her own right.

Hi MH, being treated like a child was a necessity for me although it's hard work on the person dishing out the pennies & I occasionally went without rather than ask.

I was fortunate in as much that like your friendly stalker, my damage was done in the shops & so it was safe for me to carry a credit card for emergencies because they weren't accepted (I don't know if this is the same these days). Barclays do one where you can have the cash withdrawal facility removed. This may be a consideration for you but I would recommend the CVV number be scratched off before you have the chance to see (remember) it. If your partner has the log in details she can check whenever she wants/needs to, that you're not using this routinely because addiction is shaking you down for your pocket money. There was a time when I needed big money to even consider stepping foot in a shop, when I first quit, I considered it with just a few coins.

As mentioned, barriers are only a very small part of our recovery journey (my favourite ever quote on this subject was having more block than a Lego factory - Oldhamktf)...You really must use all the tools you need to rewire your thinking. Stopping is the easy part, staying stopped is the challenge. Wanting to stop never happened to me (I only actually wanted to stop losing) but I needed to & recovery has turned that need into something I simply accept now - ODAAT

Lethe you have just confirmed what I'm imaging my life will be like moving forward if I decide to stay with my husband.

i only found out about his addtiction on Tuesday and the volume of debt and the amount of lies he's told. I'm sure there's a few more shocks still to come.

Do you feel all the blockers and checking up is very time consuming? How long did it take to rebuild the trust?

Thanks for all your great feedback guys, really appreciate it! Although it's pretty obvious that barriers are only a small percentage of my recovery I think there's some lots more useful ideas on here which I'll put to my partner.

Lethe - your final point is an excellent one and I do worry about her. This has completely exhausted her as you would expect. She's currently on summer break (school teacher) and works so hard in a very stressful job! I hope she's not too overwhelmed when she goes back to work and that a bad day doesn't trigger any unhappiness. I'll talk to her and make sure she has enough support or someone else she can talk to about all of this.

ODAAT - it's a really thought provoking point you make about do I want to stop or do I want to stop losing? I myself feel I want to stop altogether. I loathe the gambling industry, I currently feel sick even before I place the first bet (not just after losing every penny) and I know from experience how much I enjoy life if I just get out and do other things! It's making me do them which is my biggest hurdle.

Have a good night guys..

P.S. Day 2 - complete.

Hi Stalker here again :))

Youv'e had some great advice from both sides in the last couple of post's , one thing I'd just like to voice my opinion on regarding your last reply " I loathe the Gambling industry " , I think most on here do but I wouldn't get to hung up or focused on directing your hatred toward them , It's an industry that works on profit which we gladly supply ( nobody put's a gun to our head and say's gamble ) , so again just my opinion ( I'm sure someone will shoot me down ) but focus on your recovery for the moment as staying gamble free will deny the Gambling industry what it needs gto survive namely " Your money " .

JOB DONE :))

Have a good night my friend , day 3 awaits :))

Hi Alan,

I hear you.. and I know my comment sounds like a totally twisted / bitter fool who's lost all his money to gambling for the last 15 years BUT I do genuinely feel that they exploit addiction. Whether that be feeble attempts to help you maintain a self-exclusion, the pitiful amount of money they put back into the industry to help problem gamblers or even basic stuff like the ability to be able to 'reverse withdrawals'.

I hear it so often that gambling firms don't want the money of people suffering from addiction and that this only makes up 0.1% of their revenue etc. but this is complete garbage. Whenever I've been standing in the bookies I look around and see countless of people feeding machines until ever penny has gone the only difference is some are happy to live their lives this way and some decide enough is enough and try to stop. Plus stats like this are nonsense, the problem gambler who walks in normally loses more money in 5 minutes than the 50 regular punters who have been in the shop all morning.

Anyway! Forget them! It's a conversation for another day..

Hi LLT

Setting it all up can be daunting and running everything can be a steep learning curve but once it's all in place it's a lot quicker and becoames second nature. Blockers run themselves although you may want to change the password regularly. You will need to keep on top of the finances though. Mr L has always been OK with a bank card so he had the one to the joint back fairly quickly but it's the same bank as my sole account so I see it daily as I'm making adjustments to the account. I also kept the OD limit to a minimum and kept the available balance at nil. basically if it had a balance, it was spoken for.

re trust - it's fine for that to take as long as you like even if that means never. I have only just been able to bring myself to give Mr L potential access to a limited amount in savings (not sure he even knows as he never looks at the accounts). Everything else remains and will remain in my name. Should he relapse I have no intention of making it easy for potential future creditors. It would actually be very unwise for you to trust anything your partner says without seeing proof for yourself, certainly now and for a very long time to come. If he has an ounce of self awareness he will understand why.

Mrh - you could point your partner in the direction of Gamanon. Gamcare offer free counselling for those affected by gambling as well as gamblers. It would also be a very good idea for her to read up on the addiction and learn as much as she can for herself.

re the industry. There won't be many people from either side of the forum who don't agree it's a sewer pit in need of an extremely heavy dose of regulation at a minimum. Channel the anger into making your blocks watertight and making sure they don't get their slimy fingers on another penny of your hard earned cash.

I'm with you alan the gambling companies do nothing bout protecting people if you go on you tube there's a panorama from last year and they prove that