I have been gambling consistently for almost 4 years now...I first gambled in a casino over a decade ago when I had solar allergy and found it for me was a place of refuge..somewhere to sit in the dark and be entertained and win money. That was until I started to realise I was losing in more ways than one. I got away from it but returned 4 years ago and have been gambling on and off ever since.
I have tried G.A. and still attend meetings there....one to one counselling...books...confiding in friends and close family members for support etc.
Every time I feel I am breaking free of the chains of this horrendous addiction, boom! I am then back gambling again. I know it is only me who can break those chains for good.
I am stuck on something though and can't seem to get past it.
I know the saying 'I cannot win because I cannot stop'..I have told myself over and over there is no winning and there is no debating on this as I am a compulsive gambler, end of.
I have told myself that just like an alcoholic often cannot stop after a couple of glasses of alcohol so it is for gamblers most times...we cannot stop after a few bets
My problem is I cannot get it through my brain that I cannot win...because every time I go I seem to win, then I put it all back in..which not only makes me feel bad that I gambled but also that I was thick enough (that's how I talk to myself) for not walking away.
It's like I have a deep seated belief that I will overcome the part of putting the money back in the machines and that I will finally learn to walk away winning.
How can I get it through my head that I just have to stop, end of!
Instead I keep having flashbacks of constantly winning and the 'If only' starts again...how can I get myself to accept AND believe that there is no if only because I am a compulsive gambler and cannot stop.
Help please someone because this is wrecking my head and stopping me from putting an end to my gambling days once and for all.
I keep going back believeing this time I will win and walk away with the money.
I know there is more to the downside of gambling than just losing back what I win. But it's like I am trying to defeat the odds even on that. Graaa so fed up with myself.
Winning is poison.
You have recognized that, in the long run, nobody ever wins. You have correctly reasoned it out with all its variations. The only thing that defeats your reasoning is, as it were, a short-acting hallucinogenic drug called "winning". It takes away your consciousness. It makes you sleepwalk into harm.
Imagine if you walked into a casino and quickly lost the first ten times you played. You'd say "this is boring", and leave.
Winning is the temporary drug that puts you in a state to lose everything.
Winning is poison.
You wrote: -- I keep having flashbacks of constantly winning --
Yes. You have flashbacks from a poisonous drug.
You wrote: -- I keep going back believeing this time I will win --
Is it easier to stay away if you rephrase that? .. as follows:
-- I keep going back believing I will receive deadly poison --
Winning is poison.
Yes, I agree. Winning feeds the addiction, feeds the delusion. Winning only results in bigger stakes and bigger losses.
Hi Alannah,
I read your post and completely resonated with it as I have had such similar issues. I started today to go through the 12 steps of GA. By really dissecting step 1 and certain things became really clear to me.
I am powerless over gambling:
- I cannot stop when I win.
-Can't stop when I loose.
-Can't stop thinking about gambling.
-Keep believing a good win will solve all my problems .
-Even when I really want to stop, I can't.
-The only time I do not gamble is when I physically do not have access to money.
My life has become unmanageable:
-Debt is off the charts.
-Spare money is always for gambling so do not enjoy the normal things in life.
-I am unhealthy and do not look after myself because any spare moment is spent gambling.
-Self harm when I loose because I hate the fact that my life has become so unmanageable, even become suicidal.
I have read step 1 so many times and agreed with it but never really understood it. Just like you I have known I am a compulsive gambler for a while and been through counselling and GA and anything and everything to try and stop. It was only recently that I was able to be completely honest with myself and actually realized the only time I can actually not gamble is by reducing my access to money. I have heard it so many times, but only now fully understand I have to remove access to money as this will be my only saving grace.
Sure everyone is different but at the end of it all no means to gamble means no gambling. We all reason with ourselves and even give ourselves excuses to gamble and I have had the most original. But to actually say that I am powerless over this addiction makes me realises I have no control and have to accept that before I can move on and begin to live life positively.
Hope this helps.
hi Alannah,
You were not born a Gambler it was introduced to you through advertising , through a friend , or you may of just walked in their !
The point is why do you do it the buzz of winning a lot of money not for just 5 pound but a lot of money .
You must be content in what you have then the urge to win more or Gamble will go .
You don't need to Gamble as you have enough
ps I have done roulette and machines in Casino s in the past 2006 with my girlfriend she was worse than me ! its very addictive i know !
You can beat it
Dave
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