I am fairly new to these forums and have not gambled since I joined 10 days ago. Reading the various posts and more importantly to me, receiving responses to mine have really helped me. I believe the tone of the comments when giving advice should be considered before posting. I understand that many who regularly offer advice have far more experience than I in what has worked when trying to stop gambling, but one post I received, I took too personally and over-reacted, however it did get me thinking. Some, perhaps the majority are encouraging, whilst some are more plain speaking, matter of fact as it were, with advice on what you must do, rather than what you could try. In my work, my staff are given bonuses from time to time if they have performed well. I make the point of speaking to them on a one-to-one basis and congratulating them on work well done. Some of my staff are not particularly interested in the praise, just the bonus, however others feel that the praise is of as much value as the bonus. Whilst I am certainly no pchycologist,i can relate this to how members, particularly new members may react to how advice is given to them, particularly when they are new to the site and taking those first delicate steps to recovery. Those not interested in the praise, just the bonus, may benefit from the hard facts, but those who are as grateful for the praise as much as the bonus, may need a softer and more encouraging approach. I just thought i would throw it out there to see whether it is worthy of debate.
To forum administrator. If you feel this is irrelevant or more importantly not a productive post to the group as a whole, I will certainly not be upset if you delete it.
Hi Babapapa
Your topic is not irrelevant. It's a valid point you're making, a point which does get raised from time to time on the forum. People are individuals and have their different approaches to both recovery and this forum. It's fine to discuss the different approaches on the forum, as long as forum users remain respectful of each other's views.
Best wishes
Forum Admin
Hard to judge who wants which type of approach but as tiptoeing around the issue IRL ended with a doubling of the debt behind my back I favour the matter of fact approach.
Fair comment Lethe. Your particular experience, if I have read your posts correctly, relate to your other half. You know him better than anyone and know what approach works best with your particular situation. I was just offering up the fact that everyone is an individual and people react differently to the stick and the carrot. It would be interesting to know how many new members post once or twice and are never heard from again.
Hi,
Everyone has an opinion and what they think is best for there personal recovery. And that is the crux really - its your own personal recovery.
I agree with what you are saying however there has been times on here in the past I have been argumentative and antagonistic as people are not saying it my way or what i think i need to hear.
I learned quickly that a step back is best. Someone has taken the time and effort to make a post and sometimes that means so much especially at a difficult time.
There are all sorts on here. Some with years gamble free, some just starting, partners of gamblers, some with serious oponions and some with silly notions.
Personally i now read and respect every post in the way the writer delivers. Whether i respond is a different matter!!!.
Best wishes
I think there is a problem with the written word; we do not hear the intonation, we do not see the body language...maybe we just have to try and believe the best about the writer.
That is a very good point Rhoda. You can read a sentence and interpret its meaning one way, re-read it later and intepret it completely differently.
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