Compulsive gambler. Need help

Well done on giving control of your money to your mum, this will really help unless you get paid in cash at all? I also have 2 young daughters and I now really want to give them a good future and a daddy who can provide for them and be mentally strong. They didn't ask to have me as a dad so its unfair on them if a dont take my responsibilities seriously.

I would also say you dont solve money problems with money. Your mum could pay off all your debt but unless you treat the reasons why you gamble then it will just eventually continue. Also I found having the pain of constantly paying large sums to my debt helpful as a reminder of how bad gambling is and why I will never go back. It is also motivating seeing the debt reduce and taking responsibilty for my gambling actions.

I wish you all the best with beating your gambling addiction and doing the most important job in the world...being a great dad.

Thanks chaser, I do not get paid in cash. It goes straight into my bank. Also i still have debt even after my family help so will see that coming down. Then have to start paying family back. But I appreciate your comments. It's still a bit of a mess ATM just looking at ways forward that's best to help not just me but family going forward. Anyway a week today is a good start for me. How long have you been gambling free? Hope things are going well and thanks again for the advice

Clarkey, well done you on sitting and down and looking to work stuff out. I can imagine that your really struggling with the amount you have gambled. I know I did, and mine was a relatively small amount. Family dynamics around money, and finances can be a very hot topic for conversation. Maybe your family feel that they haven't gambled away this money, so why should your Mum be helping you out of something you caused. I do not mean in anyways to sound harsh, I really understand the addiction that is gambling. If you do accept your Mum's help, maybe it would be best to document exactly what she is paying and how your going to pay her back. That is for everyone's benefit, including your's. At this stage, you do need someone to take over your finance's. If your Mum is paying money off these debts (and I know you said your paying some too), but you will have money available to potentially gamble. We all have lots of will power. I am three weeks GF today, and don't think I will return to it. However, there is always a chance that I will. I have this week and last week, treated myself to things that I would have normally gambled with. Make up, clothes, trainers, that I normally would not have had or feel guilty about buying. Be honest with your family, money can cause resentment and people can get very divided over what they perceive is theirs. Best of luck to you. x

Thanks ji, yeah your totally right. It has caused family difficulties. I offered to neglect any help and was happy to look at other possible options. Bankruptcy etc. By my Mam insists I do not do this to protect the family home and my 2 children. So I have accepted her help although do fee guilty. I will not have any access to money as will only get pocket money for food st work and petrol etc. ( have to produce receipts) which is fine by me. Once I have paid rest of my cards and loans. She is going to take money to pay her back out my bank each month. Going to take a long time but it's a start.

Hi Clarkey41.

Welcome to the forum

My best advice is make this a moment of pride in recovery and ensure that you have handed all control over while taking steps to build a healthy mind again.

If you are open and honest other family members will learn about the addiction and that its not just you being silly and using your mum. They will see that you are living on an allowance with a payment plan

There was no shame in admitting it and you are taking the right steps to get back the self respect that gambling took from you.

You will find it a great relief for someone to have control and you must both never be complacent. Yes it may take a long while but you will learn whats important in life. You will actually learn that happiness is not all about money

Its a born again moment but I would advise that you and your mum can learn about the addiction and its possible root causes in stress and depression.

My parents stand in the bank with me when anything is being dealt with and transfered. I want it that way and I need it that way. I insist its that way because I let them down when I was a gambler. They dont hand me any cash without seeing where its going.

Along with my blocks it ensures that parental money is not available to gamble with

Im not fighting any urges but it just ensures everything is nice and stable.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks for that joydivider, yeah I am trying my best to ensure I follow all the right steps and try to rebuild the trust. I no it's going to be a long hard road. Had no real feelings to gamble just can't see any light at end of tunnel yet due to debt

Debt is debt...we are all in debt....people who own houses are in debt to a mortage, credit cards cause debt, overdrafts cause debt.. I owe the Avon Lady at work £20 which I have been so distracted I forgot to pay her for my new trousers....try not to focus on the debt, it makes it easier to cease thinking about an easier way to pay it off quicker....Since I stopped pouring money into a FOBT...I have found that I have money for treats for myself, I work 60 plus hours some weeks, and was working too hard and had nowt to show for it....You will get your life back on track..Your Mum has done what most Mum's do for their kids, they support them in hard times. For your siblings and family, they may not understand that so well. But we all have issues in our life....your mum would do exactly the same for them. Put down the big stick that your beating yourself with, and know your doing your best...Keep the faith.

Well done on a week gambling free, thats a great start. I am currently around 2 months gf but I am really determined not to relapse as previously have done 5-6 months gf then replapsed quite dramatically. I haven't had any real urges to gamble since starting over but I know that this can change at anytime. Sounds like you have a solid plan and getting it all out in the open is always a good weight off your shoulders. Keep in touch and hopefully we can all beat this addiction.

Thanks chaser, appreciate that. Iv been in touch with stepchange today to try get some payments under control. Difficult when you have all your debt literally lay out infront of you. It's like wow how the f**k did I manage that. But just hope banks etc accept reduced payment for now.

And also thanks ji 35 thanks for support

Hi Clarkey,

Just read your thread and can totally relate to a lot of things you are going through.

I am a mid 40's man, married with 2 boys, aged 6 and 9 and am almost 60k in debt all on credit cards, all caused by gambling. I am now 83 days gamble free, attend GA and had my first counselling appointment last night. It was only an assessment but the main thing I remember and that the counseller made a point of is to forget the money. It's done and I can't do anything to change that. I now have to address the root causes of the gambling so that we can make sure I never gamble again. That hit a nerve as I guess it's something I'm a bit unsure of facing.

Anyway, I see you have addressed your debts by contacting Stepchange. I went to citizens advice and I am in the final steps of organising my debt repayment plan. I have debt on 7 different credit cards and every single one has been absolutely brilliant to deal with. Just call them and be honest and you will speak to the financial difficulties department. I told every one that I had a gambling problem and they were all understanding. 2 of them even offered to arrange counselling for me.

So don't worry about calling them and asking for help, I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Hope you're well and enjoying being gamble free. I'm 83 days now and I promise it gets easier.

PA

Hi Proud, your situation sounds almost identical to mine. I'm 36 have two kids 2 and 5. Have a bit more debt but same issues. Credit cards and loans etc. My Mam is helping but don't want to use all her spare money if I can help it. So I contacted step change, they are sorting a debt repayment plan for me with all my creditors. So fingers crossed they can arrange payment at massively reduced amounts as basically I am paying out more than I earn. Am not blaming anybody but my self but it's crazy to think I have a Morgage with Barclays, credit card with Barclays 15k and three land with them. 15k, 7k and 2k. As I say not blaming banks but crazy how easy it is to get all this money. But anyway I'm 11 days today and going strong so for. Thanks for the advice and positive words. Keep up the good work. 83 days seems so long away for me ATM but I'm determined to get there and well past. I do get a bit worried at times when I hear people fall off the wagon. But by handing all my finances over I can only hope I never have a chance to gamble again.

Hi Clarkey,

One day at a time mate. Don;t worry about hearing people falling off the wagon. The only person you need to worry about falling off the wagon is yourself, and if you do the right things then there is less chance of that.

How is the counselling going and have you thought about GA? 83 days may seem a long way away but its amazing how quickly it creeps up on you. And I promise, it gets easier and better the more days that go by. Once the debt repayment plan is in place then you can move on.

Whatever happens.... life is so much better without gambling!

PA

Hi Clarkey,

Hows are you getting on?

PA