Feeling so low but I'm alive

Hi Gary, read your post, know exactly where you are at , looking forward its tough, i guess as the gamcare advisor says 'baby steps baby steps' . How are you today ?

Thanks for your reply. Feeling a bit empty today. But had a better nights sleep.

Haven't gambled. I still keep thinking should I try and win some back. But am staying strong and trying to accept where I'm at. Yes I've lost money but it could be a whole lot worse. It's just hard when it's goin round in your head. But I don't want to be that person anymore. Hate the lies, emotions, not sleeping, night sweats etc.

Hi Gary, maybe we can help each other a bit here, i guess from your thread you have been gambling thousands away like me, and i maybe right or maybe wrong but it sounds like you have no debt (like me - doesn't make it easier though does it). Maybe if we are both in a similar boat we can encourage each other on a regular basis, its not easy when you can't confide in someone on a regular basis, because the will not understand or are just not there.

Yes we sound in a similar position Got no debt and yes been gambling big.Im definately up for that it would be good to get something going. My last bet was Sunday.

Gary

Hi Gary, i have been posting a little here and there on here, if you click on 'lost my life' you will be able to read a good part of my story. My last bet was 8 days ago, I have been chasing my losses for around five years - only playing roulette. I have decided to stop now for a variety of reasons, mainly the fear of drifting into debt, also the after effects of major losses are un-bearable as you describe. I will try to post at least once a day on your thread Monday - Friday ( I can't do weekends, I spend them with my girlfriend and she can never know about my last lapse). Thanks for replying Paul

Ok Paul that's good mate. Weekdays will work. Will have a read of your posts when I get home later.

Thanks for your support

Gary

Feeling angry and P****d off tonite.

Its gonna be hard to accept my latest big loss, feeling torn.

Gary

Hi Gary, I can fully agree with your feelings last nite, my final and i say final (in hope and necessity) loss of £K12 on Monday 27th October is too much to bear. It has completely ........... up the rest of my financial life. But i know deep down really deep down, this cannot carry on, I can survive as I am (although my take home pay is particularly poor - did this lead me to gambling in the first place ?) I am seeing a counsellor today through Gamcare (called Beacon) I am placing a lot of faith in her ability to get me through this emotional mess I am in. I am unable to confide in anyone else now as having done this before and made promises not to gamble again, I will completely lose the relationship I have with my partner and my son's. Obviously my story is a lot longer than this but I need to work for a while now; I know the days don't seem the same anymore Gary, but what choice do we have but to soldier on.

Thanks for your reply Paul. I wish you all the best for today and hope it goes well.

Its really tough and I feel your pain mate. We have to be thankful for what we have, that's keeping me going at the moment. My children are so important to me.

I lost £5.6k on Sunday evening which completely f****d me up. So like you been killing me but I am determined not to gamble again.

im trying to just take one day at a time and not look back. So hard.

Have a good day

Gary

Do you know what I am absolutely done. I almost feel relieved.

I had bets today and lost more money in the hope of winning money back.

How stupid of me I lost £3.5k. That's done it for me. I thought I couldn't lose. How I was wrong. There is no such thing as a sure bet!!!!!!!!!!!

i am sick of it and my gambling stops now.

i am going to tough this out and start living my life.

Day 1 starts tomorrow. Please anyone who is struggling do not bet it's a waste of time and your life.

Look forward to any comments / help.

i can't tell anyone what I've done so this Forum is important to me.

Gary

I've just re-read my last post.

Do you know what I would of been crushed before but now I just feel I've had enough, I will beat this.

Just want to start living again......

Hi Gary - your last line in your last comment - "Just want to start living again" - really struck a chord with me. Thats just how I felt a couple of months back. I had hit rock bottom, a slave to online slots. Money troubles galore due to the evil hold it gets on you. That gnawing feeling you get when you think "thats it, Im not playing any more", but you just think "oh but if I DO just play one more time, this could be the lucky spin". And before you know it you've deposited again and again til bank account is empty, and no win.That was me two months ago, rock bottom, and I just thought ENOUGH, I wanted to feel like the old me BEFORE I was a slave to gambling, I didnt like what I had become, and you summed it up: I just wanted to start living again. Its been tough mate, but every day when I get up I purposely say to myself, God I feel good today, no money spent on gambling, I AM living again. Broke! But actually living without that heart sinking feeling every morning before when the thud of realisation hit that I had lost everything the night before, and the cycle of self hatred, lying and sleepless nights began again - it feels bloody good mate! You can do it - just tell yourself every morning when you havent gambled "I AM starting living again". Good luck to you. I am in no way feeling smug, I am so aware of how easy it would be to relapse! But just wanted to tell you how much better it feels every single day, I promise you that even if to some people it sounds such a stupid thing to be proud of, when youve been where we have, its a massive feeling of achievement to get thru another non gambling day!

Thankyou Russ I want the strength from others to help me. Well done on what you have achieved so far,

It is an illness and I just want to move forward. Last nite was my rock bottom. Had many bad ones over the years but that's it. I want to hold onto this and never gamble again.

Didnt sleep well only a couple of hours last nite : ( but woke up this morning and my profile is haven't gambled for 1 day. Have to move forward now.

I could easily stay in bed all day and shut out the world. But need my job and cannot afford to jeopardise this.

Gary

Feeling incredibly low tonite. Got my daughters over to stay the night and it feel so guilty as I've squandered there money. Also my gf texted me to say she's looking forward to the weekend.

i feel like I have to spend money and like there's no return and Feeling the pressure of Xmas coming up as well.

sorry just feeling sorry for myself. But one things for sure I'm gonna do this. The thought of another bet makes me feel sick.

Gary