Feeling so low but I'm alive

Hi Gary, thanks for your posts, glad yo thinking about your girls (how old are they?) . Have you thought about counselling, I dismissed the idea until i nearly lost it all on 27/10/14, having met my counsellor twice, if definatley helps. Its somewhere besides here where you can discuss your life and why gambling has played such a big part. Wish i had stuck at it in 2013. catch u tomorrow.

Well done to you both, you seem to be helping each other alot, gary in response to some of your messages and thoughts, you still have 24k, no debt, that is a massive positive, theres guys on here your age 50k in the red who would do anything to turn the clock back and be in your shoes, your position is a fresh start for alot of people, you have the girls who you clearly think the world of, you have your health, you have everything in life that young guys aspire to have when they are older, minus a few insignifiant things that money can bring, but at the end of the day you still have a long road ahead of you, and i hope both you and paul get through it and look back and its just a blip, everyone has them in one way or another. Enjoy seeing your girls grow up, walk them down the aisle, treat them on a weekend, and if your girlfriend makes you happy, make her happy. Do not hand the people who you mean something to's happiness over to a gambling company who you mean nothing to.

All the best to you both.

Thankyou for your post. Helps to put things into perspective for me. Some kind words and yes I think you've hit the nail on the head for me. But it will be a long road and a bit bumpy I think.

It really helps taking each day at a time and it's really doing good for me being on here and talking with Paul.

thanks

gary

Paul,

Hi mate. I'm looking forward to the weekend, gonna have to watch my spending this month but spending time with my girls. They are 15,14 and 8 so they keep me busy when they stay lol.

Regrding councelling I'm glad this is positive for you. I've done it before and it definately helps, the experience helps me now and gives you more for your toolbox to fight this illness. So far I'm doing okay with my daily postings on here.

Have a good weekend pal and try and relax where you can.

Gary

Hi Gary, thanks for the good wishes for the week-end. Girlfriend is over for the week-end, i will also be watching the spending too. Xmas is coming and the pressies will have to be bought (gone are the days when I thought the roulette wheel will pay for xmas). Have to stay very positive on that thought, no gambling to allow spending. You should be occupied with those three girls this week-end hopefully. At least when i wake up tomorrow the real bad feeling of loss and desperation will be tempered by cuddling my girlfriend (there are some positive's still left for me). Anyway take it easy mate, enjoy de footie scotland or england on Friday/Saturday (if you follow it) if not - stay gamble free. Post on Sunday night prob's, catch u soon. - Paul

Hi all,

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http://igg.me/P/1018584/x/9151769

Thanks

Callie

Hi Gary, quick update before Monday and the working week. As usual the week-end with my girlfriend was very good, she is completely un-demanding (especially on money issues) which for the forseeable future is what I need. Enjoyed the scottish match friday fast and frantic, england were adequate but predictable. Still waking up early with panicky feelings about the future. I used to be a guy who liked to plan things in advance, now i'm finding i need to take one day at a time, can't seem to think further ahead. How were the girls friday, bet they keep your mind occupied, what did you do over the week-end. I have no urges to gamble I now know after five years of losses it can get no better, i'd like my funds back but it is impossible to recoup, as many on here say, we can't win because when we start we can't stop. 21 days to-day since I gambled can't say i feel better, if anything pretty c**P, but one day at a time, small steps small steps, catch u soon gary.

Hi Paul

Glad u had a good weekend with your g/friend. It's nice to have a break from the every day. She sounds good for you mate. well done on the 21 days.

Ive had a weekend with my girls. Been good and loved there company. We had some fun, but the money loss is still eatin away at me. Found myself looking at horse racing cards on both days. Only for a short time but I managed to abstain. (Not good though).

Still struggling with the money. I know I'm a lot better than some on here but it's just thinking about what could of been. You beat yourself up over it. This is part of the withdraw though right? Think u said this is what the addiction is like? Hope it gets easier. Got to keep looking forward and not dwell on the past.

well get through it as you say one day at a time.....

cheers paul

Hi Gary, great post in this section of the forum by brawbuddha, (inspirational) we just have to let go of those losses and move forward day by day, catch u later - Paul

Hi Gary, how are you, is the hurt from the loss of funds getting any easier?. If i was completely truthful I would say during the day at work I feel a liitle better, its the waking early in the dark lonely mornings that gets to me, the sheer blind panic of what the future holds without properly planned financial security, then I have to get up, 4/5 o'clock. How were the girls over the week-end full of xmas planning,?. Hang in there 22 days for me, we can beat this addication if we really commit to it. Counselling again for me tomorrow, who knows where this will take me, post soon mate.

Hi Paul,

I'm feeling s**t for the most part and struggling with the money loss. Lost alot of my confidence and just on a bit of a downer. But on the plus side having the odd moment where it gets easier. I did sleep amazingly well last nite the first time for a long time.

yes the girls were on form the weekend. We did a bit of Xmas shopping. It's hard when I'm out with them as when I had the winnings in the summer I was spoiling them. They wanted a nice meal out in a restaurant but I couldn't afford that so took them to McDonald's instead. So ok it wasn't the same but it was a treat for them.

im feeling the pressure of the future but need to focus each day I think.

Let me know how your councelling is going and well done on the 22 days!! It's 13 for me now.

Speak tomorrow

gary

Hi Gary, i am sorry you are feeling bad, what we both need to re-alise is that we are not alone in feeling terrible about funds lost and what ifs with our lost funds ................................... we are not the only one's out there. As you know i had my second proper counselling session to-day, the lady is very good. She has picked up on my marriage breakdown as my trigger for my depression and unhappiness that may or may not have led to the start of my gambling. We talked about replacing funds to a level I was happy with by saving, I said at the earliest that could be 'Dec 2016. So she quite correctly said, thats two and a bit years to be at ease with yourself, BUT if you gamble at the rate of the last eighteen months, all your savings will be gone and you will lose your house. The anxiety i feel now would be triplefold and the rest if that was to happen, so draw a line under it, grieve the losses, in time your mental 'head' state will recover, it may take till next spring/summer, but you will recover. I rate her, she is understanding just wish the session was two hours and not one. She makes me want to continue to abstain. I need to re-alise if I gamble I will lose in the end. Sorry for the spiel but ............ it may help you too. - Paul

Hi Gary / Paul - would you might sending me your email addresses. I have a few questions I want to ask offline. I have recovered some of my losses from the casino I gambled on, because I could proof that they were negligent. Maybe I can help you as well? Only if you want......

Hi

Sorry to hear you feel low Gary but this really the turning of the page. This is the time in your life where the new chapter beings. It’s kind of an "and then.." moment in your life. You're the author though here mate NOT the gambling industry. Admitting you lost is far more powerful a thing than admitting that you're losing. The war is over. Its time to patch up the wounds and move forward.

You can only move forward by going through the pain of not gambling, as undesirable as the feeling can be.

Its only positives from here on in. No more lies. No more losses. No more time wasted. Focus on that, not the pain. Its all good news from here in!

x

Thankyou Brawbudda that's a good post for me. Like the anellergy there.

Thats helped me today so cheers.

Gary