I feel like s**t tonight, and alone, I know how sad this is gonna sound but gambling became my friend, my friend who took my mind away from all the s**t, gave me a escape, I know so too speak it was a toxic relationship. However in times like this its hard too care. Its just so hard too escape from your mind and too find something that did made me feel good until it didn't...... Im trying too reason with myself and remind my self of all the negative impacts it gave me. Sometimes It shocks me that I can be 110 or 111 days free and still struggle with thoughts and compulsions too gamble. Im not saying I thought everything would be easy but sometimes the intensity of it coming on suddenly can shock me. I,just don't know what to do with myself. Im just feeling lost and down in the dumps. It sucks. Just wanna scream. I get angry at myself for putting blocks on in these hard moments. And it drives me mad..
Yes, gambling is designed that way, to take you away from yourself. I find its almost like relaxation, taking just enough concentration not to have to think or feel anything real. You switch off from life. I do anyway and whilst in the zone, nothing else really matters...... that is until you run out of money and you enter a world of panick and self-loathing.
Its an addiction and unfortunately its got you, just like its got me and we have to keep working at recovery like you might work at a business. Ya gotta keep working at it, cos as soon as you stop you may drift back to old ways. Its easilly done as ive found out myself over the years.
manage the madness as best you can 🙂
All the best
It is a toxic friend. It is a friend that enables you to close the door to the outside and handle the loneliness but it is not real. It is fake and it is there to rob you. If you are here to seek progress you will know that disassociation from reality is not the way to go. Interaction with others is the way to go and facing your daemons to see what you can change in yourself is the way to go. The other stuff is like snorting another line, drinking another bottle stuffing yourself with another burger, or pulling a slot. It is compensation for something else. Yes it is repeated and yes it can bring anticipation and excitement but it does not bring anything else. Pavlov ( a scientist) managed to get 2 alsations to salivate by reinforcing their behavior by giving them food and ringing a bell. Later they would later salivate every time the bell rang, food served or not. We have an enforced behavior as well by pulling slots or placing a bet. You may see it as a friend but it is fake and you can make better ones if you give yourself half a chance to do so.
Best
C
Thanks for posting , sorry to hear that you were feeling bad last night .You are never alone in the way gambling can occupy daily lives for people. There is plenty of support available to you.
Like you and people have said gambling is a toxic friend that promises false hope. You can find positive outlets and things that can be a real friend to you.
Calming your thoughts helps . Anything you can do to calm them . Gambling is never being in the now as you are either thinking in the future about the next bet which causes anxiety or you are dwelling on the losses which can cause some depression.
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.
Stay positive , you can do this.
All the best
Kirk
Forum Admin
Hi walks.
Its a drug, an escape and a stress reliever. However its a extremely dangerous and highly addictive drug.
It is certainly not your friend but I understand why you say that. In life I have always latched onto friends who are not friends because I have a low self esteem and an empty soul.
Ive spent time with human friends who I finally realised are not my friends after many years. This is a failing of mine and part of my complex nature. Im working on it and things are getting better because Im facing myself and not hiding by gambling which was my drug of choice.
Im complex perhaps still a mess but I reach out for substitutes for what I really want
You have to learn about gambling as just like a class A addiction. Some people use drugs to escape life and bad news. Only the "high" becomes the hook and they are slaves to an ever decreasing feeling.
The price is far too great for the reward. Gambling is in certain ways the most dangerous addiction because it empties bank accounts in seconds never mind hours.
Who have you told thats close to you? You cant do this alone
This addiction can come back out of the blue at any time unless you have healed properly. Even then you can never be complacent again for the rest of your life.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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