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Addiction is progressive. You haven't been desperate enough to gamble more than you can afford, to beg, steal, and lose everything - yet. Keep going, and you'll get there, sooner or later. My husband did.

You're addicted to the process of gambling and you can't stop yourself, even though you'd prefer to? That's why you are indeed a compulsive gambler (the clue is in the name) and that is why you are just like the other compulsive gamblers on this forum. And at GA.

GA is not a cult, it's a room of compulsive gamblers, just like you, who have no hierarchy, don't judge and do understand. There's a common interest in overcoming a common problem. They may along the way tell you what you don't want to hear, they may give you unwelcome reality checks, but their help is there. If you chose to accept it.

CW

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Yep, don't kid yourself, the minute we start spending more time & money than we would like we have a problem. Thing is, all the stuff that's out there for people who have 'damaged their lives significantly' is the stuff that you need to be embracing in order to prevent the progression. Don't be fooled either into believing that reducing the days you do it means you are 'getting better' because from your description of 'silly money' being lost when you do gamble is tantamount to an anorexia nervosa sufferer switching to bulimia!

Handing over finances needs to be done properly, not just 'spare' money. If your wife had all the money you didn't need, you wouldn't have anything to gamble with. Self exclusion does work but I know what you mean because my problem was land based & I ended up driving out to less salubrious areas to get my fix when I first started trying to help myself. Thing is, the online poison can be abated with blocking software, a card with the security number scratched off or a downgraded bank account.

There is no miracle cure for this, it takes acceptance, hard work & determination. If you really want recovery, you will use all and any tools you need to to get it, discounting the stuff you don't really fancy is ludicrous! Whilst I may not be a regular attendee (I have been to a meeting) & have 'heard' talk that the higher power makes them too religious, people on here in recovery, people actually walking the walk, confirm time & time again that this is not the case!

Come on midlife crisis, no more half hearted attempts or expecting this to just go away. Put your hands up & admit gambling has you beat & take proper action - ODAAT

Sorry, I was slowly posting as you were. For years, I kidded myself I didn't have a problem...I did borrow but no-one else knew of my problem except my CG mother who really didn't care & I wasn't in a relationship. I had (still do) a good job, buy-to-let properties, pension, who was I hurting...I even went to a hypnotherapist to get them to stop me having urges coz that's all it was in my mind. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't want to gamble & then I wouldn't lose time & money on a regular basis. I came here, still thinking I was different & for me gambling was only about the money, I still don't know why I did it but for me, @ this stage of my recovery, I'm ok with that!

Olives are weird & for 40 years I squeamishly refused to touch them, now I chomp them like sweeties. Go to GA & then make up your mind, there are 2 sides to every story, don't just listen to bits you want to hear.

What my husband did after ten plus years, he hadn't been minded to do at three years but as I said, unchecked, the addiction is progressive.

When he took the children's money, he was driven by the same urge - compulsion - as you describe.

Echo ODDAT's advice.

CW

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Not sure how you intend to prove me wrong but sincerely hope it is by finding the strength to move your life forwards, gamble free 🙂 You wouldn't be here if you didn't want help & you wouldn't want help if you didn't have a problem. It doesn't matter how big it is or isn't what matters is getting back in control of your life & renewing old hobbies is time well invested.

Sorry, MC, you won't like this next bit but it's intended to challenge thinking and NOT as an insult.

Addiction corrupts how you think, that is, how one thinks. You want to gamble because you're addicted to that process so increasingly, anything will justify it to you, other people stressing you, bad day at work, nagging family, loneliness, feeling unappreciated, anything but your own addict-driven choices. GA is dodgy, self exclusion is dangerous, your losses aren't that harmful...or is it that you want to gamble because you're addicted to it? The danger is that the addict thinking can move sideways if you don't address it, so you end up using something else. Not saying this applies to you now or will in the future but it's not unknown.

Definitely focus on hobbies and accept the help that's out there. Addiction can be overcome - once you admit you're licked.

CW

Hi

Sounds like the ego talking.

rather than try and distinguish yourself from others and seek some illusory 3rd way, try and learn a bit from people who are tackling their problem

The kind of meek self-justification you offer, I used to be very familiar with. I never begged, stole etc. As long I could keep a distinction between me and 'them' (the real addicts) then I could keep the denial show on the road.

The denial show's rubbish. It's hard work too, you don't realise how hard until you stop taking part in it. You know your an addict or you wouldn't be here.

It's hard accepting your struggling and that buttons are getting pressed without your say so.

It's not the end of the world. Having opened up about my addiction I'm finding most people have their secret hang ups.

if you are less affected than others then treat that as a blessing not a justification.

I believe gambling is linked to disconnect from life. A gap..where we want to be vs where we are.

Best

Louis

MC, what are you doing? Eradicating posts isn't fair! If you don't want to post anymore then fine but seriously, there's no going back from what you are doing & it completely ruins the flow of the site 🙁 Please re-think & stop now!

MC, you can run but you can't hide, certainly not from yourself.

Hope to hear some news of real progress from you in due course.

CW