Hi everyone....I have been managing to stay gambling free, just about!
I am working the programme but I am struggling.
The thing that is bringing me down most at the moment is actually the guilt and regret over money losses. When I sit with myself and think about how much money has gone through my hands this year alone, I not only cringe but I feel so so ashamed and sad.
I am on Invalidity benefit and so I can't afford to gamble much money. My problem is I would always seem to win and then I would stake higher bets and win big...BUT the money would always go back, because having a gambling compulsion I wouldn't stop. The only way to deal with it was to tell myself that I could never gamble again because it didn't matter if I won, I wouldn't stop....that and also the fact that it wrecked my head and changed my mood etc.
So anyway what I am struggling with now is thinking about all that could have been done with the money I had. There was also a time I came into money...several thousand, and a lot of that went into the slots aswell.
Here I am today and many other days recently thinking what a stupid irresponsible fool I am, and the shame of what could have been done with that money is eating away at me.
I know I have a disease and so I have to allow for that when I am beating myself with the proverbial big stick...can I ask though has anyone else gone through these feelings and was there a way you could come to terms with it to STOP you going back gamble again chasing the losses....
I wonder if it's the addict part of my brain trying to get me to gamble again, if that makes sense.
For someone like me who's experience was mostly to win, I found it hard not to succumb to going back thinking this time I would leave with my winnings! What a crock of you know what, I know!
Any advice would be really welcome as I am struggling hard here. Thank you in advance.
makes sense to me
this addiction is indeed tough to stop
if it was easy gamcare and other organisations wouldn't need to exist would they?
have you got a program? if so care to share what it is?
Tri
What you've written basically sums me up to a tee. I frequently feel utterly ashamed of not just the money spent on gambling but on fact I can't share with or treat friends and family because I'm always skint and in debt. Then when I spend money myself I feel even more guilty thinking I should be paying off the debts rather than spending it......so I gamble again win a bit then lose and chase. It's a vicious circle I'm desperate to break.
Hi Allanah! I hope you are doing well. Going back to what you were saying about regrets at All the money which has gone thro your hands..... that is exactly the way I feel! I have spent thousands and thousands of pounds on slots. It's disgusting. Am full of self loathing. I am telling myself (tho so very hard) to forget about that and concentrate on the future and being better off without gbling.... I'm not there yet but with the help of this site and encouragement of others (I always thought I was the only one with this sickness) I hope to succeed. Good luck. Don't give into the urge to get ur money back. It's gone. Don't throw any more away! You will NEVER win only LOSE more! Let me know how it goes and stay in touch.
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