I'd like to think that during someone's recovery and their attempt in getting the addiction under control is exactly where a site like this comes into action
No1 faces this battle alone if they post in here, and as much as I love my partner and worship the ground she walks on, I think advice taken from people in a similar situation when times get hard would stand you in a better position than trying to get someone who's never done it to understand what's going on,
Particularly as 99% of the time compulsive gamblers can't make head nor tail of what's going on....
Hi DP, I think the major problem with this place is that this site is an 'easy' first port of call for desperate people & many posts are from people early in their recovery who think they have it licked. We come here licking our wounds & lap them up & it's very easy to find stuff that supports our way of wanting to do things (alone & in secret like our gambling usually was)! People who have posted to you are not trying to hinder your progress, they are giving well meaning advice that appears to have the best results! No-one is suggesting for one minute that your partner will understand this madness any better than we do, from my perspective, it's more that addiction thrives on secrecy so having everything out there gives us a better shot @ arresting it! Try not to get too bogged down in the money & who earns it so who owns it because it is making you very defensive & that whilst it may make you more determined @ the moment may be an excuse down the line to let gambling back in! Have a read of your 1st post & can you honestly say you have 'taken' nothing from her? You told her you were working late so you could gamble!
This is a great place to be & yep, take the stuff you want & ignore the rest but keep your mind open to other tools...Most of us come here with a very clear idea of how we want 'to get better' but turns out, our way (that in my case had failed me for years) is not always the best option!
You are here for help...Don't walk away lightly! Keep fighting - ODAAT
On a flppant point...how is this thread on 2 areas of the forum?!
On a serious note, I've seen a lot of people come and go on this site and within GA rooms. People who keep things hidden tend to ultimately fall away and those who work at honesty and recovery tend to do well.
Your brain, imho, is trying to give you an avenue to continue gambling. It's up to you if you want to block them off.
As people have said, it's your journey. You drive the car.
You may have the wrong thread, I havnt lost 3k in 4 hours?
DP1988 wrote:
You may have the wrong thread, I havnt lost 3k in 4 hours?
Sorry...geting my diarists confused. Have updated the post.
DP1988 don't leave!
5 days for me, 6 for you. Stay strong bud. I'm in exactly the same situation re the debt and the fact I am paying it back and do not expect anyone else to pay for anything.
The people who have negative things to say and the people who think they know your situation - you need to just ignore them. As much as I say that we are so similar I know we have differences and I would never tell you to tell your wife. It is your decision and your decision alone. Nobody on here knows your circumstances and nobody can make that decision other than you!
Thanks Lou, im not gonna leave it does help reading other stories on here and there's too much at stake to lose for myself for the sake of others!
Day 7.....
First payday since I give up playing FOBT's, paid first amount of my debt that I've committed to paying each week, still got money left over! Here's to the same amount of money still being there next week on pay day
Hello DP1988 and others
We realise that there are different approaches to recovery and emotions can run very high around this. Just a reminder that this forum is a place where people should feel free to disagree with each other, but should remain respectful of each others' opinions.
DP, we realise you have looked into GA and there isn't a suitable group near you. Have you considered giving us a call on the helpline? We can offer free, local counselling, which is a confidential, non-judgemental space for you to work out your strategy for recovery. We also offer online counselling if that's easier.
Keep posting,
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Weekends seem much more enjoyable now I've taken this journey on! And Monday mornings are not as bad waking up with money to my name still!
Should of forcefully done this years ago!
Doesn't take long after giving up before you begin to realise what good times you've been missing out on
Yes gambling not only is all about money waste, but also time wasted, which could be used to do much more worthwhile things.
Gambling robs people of even lifes simple pleasures.
Hi DP1988 just dropping by to see how you're recovery is going.
All the best
Good to read this I was f****d on them roulette machines aswell mate I am 36 days gamble free with sheer will power and doing it alone
DP1988 wrote:
The strangest thing about gambling, as a gambler I hate to spend my own money on things, as an example:
I have £400 in a bank account, I hate to go below that £400 mark before payday, I work out what I'll get paid and see what my account will look like.
The dilemma I want to buy something that costs £25 this would take my account down to £375,
I find it extremely difficult to part with £25 and buy what I need, but extremely easy in gambling £50 to win £25 to buy what I need and stay at £400.
99.9 times out of 100 this never works and then you chase the money to get back to £400, then the 0.1 time is does work you get greedy and continue to gamble resulting in losing anyway. Never buying what you need for £25 until the week after.
Stood here now 3 days clean from gambling and starting to think deeply about it! How can this be a logical way of living it seems clear as day the most stupidest thing anyone can do. Yet we seem to return to it all the time
DP and Lou.......youve hit a key point that is in many gamblers. There is a quote that inside every gambler is a miser. I was a complex mix of trying to be careful with money but having agambling addiction. It sort of makes no sense but thats what was going on in the complex soup of the addiction
I was the same. If I had say £500 in my bank account I would sort of revel in that fact and be very reluctant to buy things. I cant pinpoint the exact reason whether I was scared of taking the balance down or just a miser. maybe for a while I just liked the thought of having £500 untouched.
Then the crazy crazy thing about my addiction is I would take £10 of that and justify that I was trying to win a chip meal back. That £10 would become £50 £100 right up to cleaning the £500 out. Part of the crazy justification was I will just win a bit to add to my balance like it was a clever way of spending time. Only winning was not what I was doing. From the first pound onwards it was a losing streak past the point of no return. Getting £50 back when I was £300 down was useless to me so I carried on in a trance of escape and extinction gambling
Than the sickening feeling of losing it all and I could have bought a phone, a games console, a shirt and a load of records. Scared of spending it on goodies then gambling it all away is a desperately low feeling I still remember
It was a nightmare and d**n those machines. I try and help here because Im still sickened by what I did.
I hope you have told people close and placed the self exclusion blocks. Dont get us wrong in that we know how important it is to tell partners in particular. The addiction is not beaten with secrecy because you need to reach out and admit it got to you
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of self respect
Best wishes
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