How did we become a compulsive gambler?

That's a very interesting post.

I feel I've got an addictive personality anyway. Or at least addictive/obsessive tendencies. And these come into play mostly to help me cope with emotional strain. Eg, when I was in my late teens I loved the tv show friends. When most people like a show they'll watch regularly and perhaps buy the videos. I bought the videos, watched them over and over and then some. I bought £1000's of merchandise over several years and although I had the videos I also bought the DVDs when they became popular. Lol. It was safe to say I was obsessed.

I'm all about now now now. I see it like it want it NOW.

Gambling can be like that for me too. I want that buzz again and I want it right now.

I began gambling at the age of 12/13 at seaside arcades. Spending pennies then, but my brother would somehow always seem to leave with money in his pocket, but I wouldn't leave until I'd had a good win or lost everything 🙂

Soon to me family holidays meant fruit machines. It'd be all I'd want to do. The first thing I thought of when waking up. Worrying now when I look back.

I remember my 'obsessions' including gambling didn't really take a hold until I was about 14. After the loss of my first family pet, Nipper the dog whom we'd had since I was 4. I took it very badly when he was put down. Emotions were never dealt with, as after he'd gone no one in my family would even talk about him. I'm not sure I've even processed my grief to this day. Sounds corny, but he was my best friend.

So yeah, after that I became obsessed with a few bands, tv shows etc and of course gambling. Once I turned 18 I was able to go into local arcades (why minors are allowed to gamble in holiday resorts I don't know!). I'd spend maybe £10 a time, but even as I left I was planning my next visit and how much I could afford.

Gambling got out of hand for me with the introduction of online casinos. And credit cards.

I could gamble any time I wanted 24hrs a day, even when I didn't have money.

15 years later I'm doing my best to kick this awful addiction to the kerb and stomp it down a drain!

So, that's my lil' story. It went on longer than I thought it would, but feels good to have shared. Thanks 🙂

Hello,

Sorry, but you gambled because you went into the bookies/casinos/played on line and you chose to gamble. No one made you. You may even have a poor relationship with your family but still they did not make you gamble.

CW

Cw- I hope that wasn't directed at the second poster, who I think gives a fairly honest account.

I don't think anyone thinks gambling isn't a personal choice (and this is not relevant to the present debate). But the 'why' is essential and weirdly overlooked going by postings On this board.

I'm pretty certain my addition stemmed from a lack of connection with life and people. This made me crave the dopamine hit from gambling. This disconnect stemmed from a sense I was 'not good enough' - which caused difficult feelings which I chose to repress through avoidance strategies, such as gambling. Unfortunately 'avoidance' is a terrible coping mechanism creating devastating secondary problems.

So gambling=failure to deal with difficult emotions

Edit-CW I take it all back. Just re-read and OP is implying he has no choice. Please accept my apologies

Louis

Does it really matter. For the record I had a problem from Day 1 there was no lead in that was when I was 15. This was not a choice and I doubt for many of us it is. I never knew it would lead here but thats where its at and I move forward.

Hi everyone.

I got hooked because I won. Simple. I thought I'd worked out a way to win on football. I started with £100 bank then upped each bet to a minimum of £1000. Why anything less than a thousand, because anything less seems like it's not worth it. How sad is that? I won 9k in 5 days using my 'system' then lost it all and more as I thought I'd done it before so can do it again. One of my last bets was an accumulator, 10 teams. It all came down to a penalty in the 92nd minute. If scored a large amount of money was coming my way. What happened, miss! If I'd have won is have only used some of the money to try and win more then chase when I lost that portion. Probably losing was what I needed to give me a kick. The winning feeling is like nothing else, utter utter elation. You win one and want another, you know the drill. End up losing thousands. I checked my account the other day, the betting history for that last few years. I've deposited £120k and withdrew 80k. You do the math. I don't even know how I've managed to get that kind of money. No more. What savings I have left are mine, my 9k debt is also mine. I will pay this off eventually and put this whole long chapter behind me.

Offence is not intended but I stand by what I said. Whatever the background and the issues, the family/boss/friends are not responsible for the CG's decision to gamble.

By contrast, a lot of posts and diaries on this part of the forum are about the choice not to gamble, far from an easy choice but definitely a choice.

CW

cardhue wrote: Cw- I hope that wasn't directed at the second poster, who I think gives a fairly honest account. I don't think anyone thinks gambling isn't a personal choice (and this is not relevant to the present debate). But the 'why' is essential and weirdly overlooked going by postings On this board. I'm pretty certain my addition stemmed from a lack of connection with life and people. This made me crave the dopamine hit from gambling. This disconnect stemmed from a sense I was 'not good enough' - which caused difficult feelings which I chose to repress through avoidance strategies, such as gambling. Unfortunately 'avoidance' is a terrible coping mechanism creating devastating secondary problems. So gambling=failure to deal with difficult emotions Edit-CW I take it all back. Just re-read and OP is implying he has no choice. Please accept my apologies Louis

Yes I also know that a huge element of my addiction came from a lack of connection with life and people. I ended up jobless and completely aimless.

Then came the feelings that I wasnt good enough, the self pity and reclusiveness. I did have some bad experiences but failed to get back up again and start training. I started losing the fight and gave up

Money started to lose its meaning because I couldnt afford much without a savings plan. Purchases became smaller and I started to become a miser and even more isolated.

Some building work meant I had to be out of the flat. Boredom, isolation and lack of money took me into the arcade to try and win back my lunch/coffee cost. It was a feeling of I wont spend it in the shops and instead I will win by being in the arcade. Crazy but thats how having a low amount of money can twist the addicted mind...almost as if im being sensible by gambling to win and not shopping.

Some general messing about then a win ...the most I had ever won in my life...then another. All they did was reinforce the winning feeling which I would crave for most of the year..I.only experienced that sort of win once again in the following 10 months after hundreds and hundreds in losses. Essentially a year of chasing a similar win which never come when needed

My gambling was also a clinical depression and stress reliever. I needed to be away from the world in a trance. Again the crazy thing is that after a short term rush it could only have added to the depression of wasting money and debt. I would take my rent money and gamble that as if it wasnt my own money.

I remember being mandated to attend a false hope course which everyone walked out on. The depression caused by that ruined my day. I needed to get off the streets and when seeing an arcade in that town thats what my body wanted to do.

So yes I feel gambling is a failure to deal with difficult emotions. I have also been a dreamer and never fully understood the world of work. Gambling plays right into that sense that there is an easy way. To be fair the job market is so competitive and agressive these days but gambling is not the answer to a regular income.

I wouldnt consider it a personal choice in that we really know what we are doing. I would see it as a choice of an ill, deluded or addicted mind. I also believe that other people and situations can trigger it even though the responsibility ultimately lies with me. Thats if you can call an addict responsible....Drink responsibly or gamble reponsibly are an oxymoron to me. Im sure I have had days where extra pressure from the jobcentre or anywhere has triggered a session that wouldnt otherwise have happened.

Anyway I havent gambled for a month since I excluded. I have had no real urges. Im not complacent but I wont miss it overall because I remain focused on the damage it has actually done to me

I think it is important to look at the reasons to why we started gambling, however I am not one for excuses. We could all say we suffered in some way, and I have also blamed it on certain life events. I guess it's like an alcoholic, what made them have their first drink? But having one drink, having one bet, does not make you an addict. I believe it's something within us that makes it escalate. Many people go through horrific events in their lives but do not become addicted to anything. It's completely personal, a personal choice. You may feel like it isn't a choice, but in my opinion everything is a choice. I chose (not my best choice) to rack up £15,000 in debt throughout my life so far, mainly by gambling. No one made me, although it's easy to say its caused by depression etc. I strongly believe that a gambling addiction fuels depression not the other way round. We chase our losses, worry about money, family, debts etc and that consumes us, escalating to a depressive state. When I don't gamble I feel free, reduced stress, more time, generally happier. Doesn't mean it's easy not to gamble, its the hardest thing ever! I just feel that we should take responsibility for ourselves and then we might actually believe we can fight this. (This is just my opinion.)

Unless you have this illness you cannot understand how it feels. Compulsive gambling is accepted as an addiction on the same level as alcoholism and n*******s. Can I help that I am ill? No. Can I take responsibility for my recovery and taking certain actions to help me manage the addiction. Yes.

Although it may be important to consider the reasons to why we are in this position so to not repeat history, it may be more helpful to focus on the recovery side.

Cynical wife wrote:

Offence is not intended but I stand by what I said. Whatever the background and the issues, the family/boss/friends are not responsible for the CG's decision to gamble.

By contrast, a lot of posts and diaries on this part of the forum are about the choice not to gamble, far from an easy choice but definitely a choice.

CW

Yes CW, of course it's as simple as that. Ever thought about becoming a therapist...rolls eyes!

Most of the hundreds of thousands of decisions people make in life are choices and many are wrong choices. I assume that the OP was inviting us to explore the reasons why we made the choice to start/continue gambling to the extent it became a problem for us.

There are - in my opinion - differences between reasons and excuses. No one lives an entirely blameless life and we all do things that defy logic at times. There is a tendency for some people on here to use "psychobabble" to explain their gambling actions and it doesn't always sit easily with me. I started gambling because I thought it was easy money. Then when I found out it wasn't I wanted the money back that I had lost and on it went. No more no less really.

Detrimental,

Each CG is responsible for his or her own gambling, surely? Ditto recovery. Even if "choice" is a dirty word.

I think it is a choice but that's my opinion. The choice to gamble is influenced by temptation, adverts, addiction, compulsion, but still there are multiple diaries of people who choose not to. However hard that is for them.

Because from my jaundiced viewpoint, one thing is certain: It was not any decision, choice or action of mine that resulted in eye watering sums of our family money being handed over to bet-on-anything-you-like dot com.

CW

Chezbubb wrote:

I think it is important to look at the reasons to why we started gambling, however I am not one for excuses. We could all say we suffered in some way, and I have also blamed it on certain life events. I guess it's like an alcoholic, what made them have their first drink? But having one drink, having one bet, does not make you an addict. I believe it's something within us that makes it escalate. Many people go through horrific events in their lives but do not become addicted to anything. It's completely personal, a personal choice. You may feel like it isn't a choice, but in my opinion everything is a choice. I chose (not my best choice) to rack up £15,000 in debt throughout my life so far, mainly by gambling. No one made me, although it's easy to say its caused by depression etc. I strongly believe that a gambling addiction fuels depression not the other way round. We chase our losses, worry about money, family, debts etc and that consumes us, escalating to a depressive state. When I don't gamble I feel free, reduced stress, more time, generally happier. Doesn't mean it's easy not to gamble, its the hardest thing ever! I just feel that we should take responsibility for ourselves and then we might actually believe we can fight this. (This is just my opinion.)

Yes I agree with you and cw that when you boil it down its a choice every gambler has made. However its the choice of a deluded mind and there is enough evidence how a mind can control urges and actions to get what it wants. It is a form of mental illness. It must be to take much needed money and gamble it away

Yes part of it is wanting the hit of easy money then chasing when we feel cheated . We feel cheated because we ignore the odds....and we are ignoring the odds for the dopamine rush of playing. The machine didnt say guaranteed win when you feel lucky on it. It also doesnt say get your money back over the following months so you are nice and even.

Its not just as simple as wanting and chasing though or people would realise its a mugs game sooner. Other factors are at play. There is enough evidence that it is a brief escape from a stress and depression. Of course the cruelty is that its a vicious circle which only adds major problems. Im not trying to make excuses. Im simply saying that depression alters the way people act.

Many gamblers just look depressed with life when they walk in. I know I was.

Now Im working through why I didnt self exclude and book counselling last February. Heaven knows I was suicidally depressed after a large loss. I also had an issue of living alone and emotionally distant parents who didnt know what to do to help me control my money. I was crying out for help and they dont really understand the addiction beyond getting upset with me. I cant really blame them for that but there certainly wasnt an option I needed.

Hello again,

I agree that compulsive gambling is an illness, not disputing that...after a few months at GamAnon. But despite the temptation, adverts, compulsion, addiction etc, still there remains a hard choice between gambling and recovery. Only the CG can make that choice, the nearest and dearest certainly can't make it for them. Behold the f&f threads.

Even with an illness, each person has a responsibility to do what they can to get well. On that note, my leg hurts. My husband and family are less than sympathetic about this because I don't do my physio exercises and I've been told that nothing else will help...but I'm too busy, I keep forgetting, the exercises probably don't make much difference anyway...Ok, time to retrieve my red band and use it.

CW