How did we become a compulsive gambler?

Agreed CW and Im working through why I wasnt ready to take the right action immediately.

I feel great now like Ive done something right for once and Ive already come back on and apologised for my hissy fit and deletion disappearance. I wasnt ready for the truth and the truth hurts. I felt two faced and I didnt like it pointed out to me 🙂

I see some others that arent ready but I like to help where I can. I feel like standing outside the bookies with a placard.

This discussion makes me ponder my own descent into gambling that took place a few years ago. For me, I was (am) an introvert and spend a lot of time alone at home (more-so then as I had no other past times or things to do). I have an addictive personality, so whether it's video games, or whatever I get my teeth into in my own time in life up to that point this may have been a factor in my becoming a CG. I had never gambled (save the odd lottery ticket and games of poker with mates for modest sums - I don't do either any more, it came down to a complete quit for me) in my 30-something years to that point, nor had it had any impact on me through family etc.

So I had the time, and no sense of danger that I was dicing with. I had resources from a full-time job, no savings but too much available credit. Betting 20-30 quid a day, of an evening on *** ***, every day, because I had the time, my life was devoid of any other activities; my circle of friends was minimal and what did I want to do. Gamble a lot, it turned out. This was my path to a better life apparently. Initially, I started with smaller sums bet, maybe had the odd loss experienced but no big deal it seemed.

If I chased a loss, somehow I broke even or ended in small pots of profit in those early days. To the point I thought I could cover living expenses through my new past time. Great, I thought.

I did not see the danger. I just didn't see it. It took over my life gradually. By the end of my gambling career (quite short in relation to many members here) I was a gambling mess. I still had a job and carried on personal relationships etc but had next to no social interactions whatsoever. I was preoccupied completely by gambling by then. My waking hours were dominated by gambling thoughts, and any rest was disrupted by them. As far as habits go this was major for me. This all culminated in a loss of 5K on about 6-7 bets on new years eve, just because I was bored. Had nothing better to do. I could have just watched a film or gone for a walk. I chased that loss and tripled the debt the following month (15K lost in a month - just writing that so I can read it and mull in disbelief).

By that point for me, my brain was trained to win back at any cost. From the earlier, smaller scale loss-chase-wins I thought it possible. That's where my head was as I placed stupider and stupider bets for outrageous sums of money (just units or virtual chips to me then, I never saw any money, and did not actually appreciate the vast amounts I was 'playing' with) on sports I mostly had no idea about. It didn't matter. I wanted the rush (which in itself felt pretty awful at that point, palpitations, etc).

So nearly three years my gambling career spanned, riding my luck then boom. Horrendous losses in that final month. That pretty much broke me. Thankfully I got out then.

Before these final losses I had been given warnings, advice and encouragement by some good people at GA who'd been through it and worse. However their wise words and support did not resonate with me - maybe at the time but I was still ready to lose when I left those meetings.

I think that the gambling and my personal depression fed off each other. It felt like an escape from reality which was pretty **** at that time for me anyway, there's the adrenalin, the high of wins. But the lows, well they definitely sent my state of mind the other way. That undoubtedly fuelled my depression. Winning did too, as I was in a cycle I wasn't sure I could get out of.

I was depressed when I started online sports betting due to my circumstances at that time; even more so of course by the end game facing huge losses, and less so today in recovery and having had time away from it / dealing with the experience. But then I can't necessarily just flick that depression switch on or off, regardless of what I do, gambling or not, but I can regulate it better by not gambling. Probably like a lot of people here, I'm not entirely comfortable with all the adverts and sporadic pangs - urges to have a bet. They make me cringe, genuinely, the way they're done. I do look at the people on those adverts and think just how pathetic it is, and the daft slogans they use. Then that was me a short time ago!! But it's so much better given the passage of time, I feel entirely capable of not gambling again, largely through remembering the mental pain I caused myself, and my family when I told them about it.

The combination of factors I was experiencing when I started gambling created a **** storm for my scenario. All the ads on TV at that time too, it was relentless, and it still is. I fear for anyone - anyone that, given certain circumstances, at any age, can go through what I / many people here have, to varying degrees.

Have gone into more detail maybe than I thought. But it is good for me to reflect every so often. I wish I'd absorbed what's on here at the time I was gambling. Best wishes.

DeLorean wrote:

There are - in my opinion - differences between reasons and excuses. No one lives an entirely blameless life and we all do things that defy logic at times. There is a tendency for some people on here to use "psychobabble" to explain their gambling actions and it doesn't always sit easily with me. I started gambling because I thought it was easy money. Then when I found out it wasn't I wanted the money back that I had lost and on it went. No more no less really.

'Psychobabble'? If u mean attempts by people to honestly self reflect and analyse their 'psyche' and why they gamble- then there's not enough of that on here.

Your 'simple' analysis doesn't explain why you are an addict and others aren't. Maybe acknowledging that difference makes you feel uncomfortable

You say you lost money so just wanted it back. That might makes sense for your 2nd or 3rd gamble. But the 50th time?

I'm not sure you can ever overcome addiction if u don't understand the drivers.

Louis

Sorry, Admin and Louis, fat fingers.

Cynical wife wrote:

Hello again,

I agree that compulsive gambling is an illness, not disputing that...after a few months at GamAnon. But despite the temptation, adverts, compulsion, addiction etc, still there remains a hard choice between gambling and recovery. Only the CG can make that choice, the nearest and dearest certainly can't make it for them. Behold the f&f threads.

Even with an illness, each person has a responsibility to do what they can to get well. On that note, my leg hurts. My husband and family are less than sympathetic about this because I don't do my physio exercises and I've been told that nothing else will help...but I'm too busy, I keep forgetting, the exercises probably don't make much difference anyway...Ok, time to retrieve my red band and use it.

CW

Hi CW - No 2 ways about it - there are many innocent victims of CG and it must be extremely frustrating for you, as it is/was for my wife and family. Yes gambling is a choice, but addiction isn't. But choosing to gambling when you actually know and accept you are an addict is very dangerous indeed and I would go further than that, where dependents are involved and say that it is a very selfish and cruel thing to do (because of the inevitable conclusion and almost certain impact on the dependents).

The problem is that sometimes it takes a CG a very very very long time to come to terms and accept that they are an addict. Denial is a massive stumbling block to logic.

Good point. Although most have 'multiple selves' in respect of their addiction - one part admits to being addicted but the dominant self is in denial wins