I'm helping my OH through his recovery from gambling addiction and one thing I try to do is remove all promotional leaflets and junk mail that comes through the door from gambling sites.
But there's loads of it! A lot from sites he has never been on.
I've started emailing each company that posts something through the door asking them to remove his details from their system but when they ask me for a username and I explain that I don't know it and that I'm asking on his behalf in order to help him get over his addiction, they tell me they can't do anything without a username. I've started saying that he doesn't live here anymore which gets a better response but I don't know whether that will definitely stop it.
He normally checks the box for no promotional email/post/sms etc. for whatever he's signing up for so I don't know if he's missed a few or if one of them has sold his information but is there any way of getting it all to stop?
In a bid to recover, he has blocked all of his gambling site accounts so it's not even like he/I/we can log back in and sort it that way.
Any advice?
Morning,
I'm sorry to hear what's happening.
I am the wife of a compulsive gambler who has cost the whole family dearly. The best advice that I can give you is to STOP what you are doing and rethink. Forget about his mail or his anything else and start thinking about you.
The three Cs: you didn't Cause his gambling, you can't Control his gambling and you can't Cure his gambling. He is the one placing the bets and only he can stop. And if he doesn't choose to stop, then there's nothing you can do to make him. It's not that you're not trying hard enough, it's not that you just need to find the right formula and everything will be wonderful. It's that he's him, you're you and you simply can't make him change if he doesn't want to. No matter how much mail you intercept, no matter what you try to do for him, nothing, nothing "works" because it has to come from him. As you are finding out.
He doesn't have a problem because he's doing what he wants and possibly you're paying for it. You have a problem because what he's doing affects you and you would be well advised to focus on your problem. Help is available from this forum, from the Helpline and from GamAnon meetings and the idea is to help you cope with the adverse effects that his actions are having on you.
If he does want to stop, there's a lot he can do to block his access to gambling. Internet blockers, handing over financial control, a new email address. If he's serious, he can get the help he needs from regular and frequent GA meetings. But he has to do it for himself, it's his responsibility, not yours. Similarly it's his debt, he has to take ownership and make restitution. And he has to want to stop for him, not you: if you are the reason he stops, you'll be the reason he restarts.
The question isn't how to make him stop. The question is how are you going to live your life? What is your idea of a life partner? Someone self destructive whom you have to fix (mothers save their toddlers from themselves but they don't parent their eighteen year olds in the same way) or someone equal who shares your life and respects you? GamCare offer counselling and it might be worth exploring why an addict is so attractive to you.
Move your focus to you, take care.
CW
Hello trying to help and welcome to the GamCare forum.
If your husband is working on his recovery, it is natural that you might want to help. As long as this is something you do willingly and he puts in the effort also. It does look like this is one task that needs to be tackled by your husband directly though, as it sounds like the companies need to verify his account details. If he has self-excluded from his accounts, the companies should not send him marketing communications from any of their brands, so he can complain to them if they do. If he has never had an account with the companies concerned, possibly the Direct Marketing Association could advise.
CW makes some excellent points about focusing on you. This needn't mean letting your husband deal with his recovery alone - just recognise that his recovery isn't your responsibility, it's his. If you're looking for support you're very welcome to contact our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the NetLine. You might also find it useful to connect with others who are affected by someone else's gambling. The organisation GamAnon provides local groups and an online meeting as well.
Best wishes
Forum Admin
Thanks Admin, we will look into the Direct Marketing Association.
CW, I get what you're saying but you've made a lot of assumptions about me, my actions and my partner's actions. My post was genuinely only asking if anyone knows how to stop marketing mail as I don't have a clue and I thought someone maybe would have gone through similar.
Hi I have been receiving mails from casino sites aswell and wanted to ask that how can I stop receiving them. I have also got a mail from a casino site which I havent even registered. If you found out what to do if you want to stop receiving these mails I need help with that aswell and would be thankful if you could help me
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
