I just wanted to share some thoughts on my personal gambling experience looking back over more years than I care to remember really.
It consisted of huge "highs" but those could not compensate for the hideous, lonely, insecure and gut wrenching lows which inevitably followed. I did experience quite lengthy "winning" periods when I bet on mostly horse racing quite extensively. My problem was that win or lose the powers of concentration I needed to draw on, in order to study form etc was doing my head in. It was time consuming and coupling this with the need to do a stressful full time job it ended up wrecking my life. I always felt there was not enough hours in the day to get things done.
Inevitably when the lengthy losing runs began I was borrowing from relatives and taking out bank loans and credit cards etc to cover heavy losses (I'll be paying these people off until the day I die). I suppose what I'm saying is life can be stressful enough without adding gambling into the mix as well. It seems to me that a person simply cannot win over the long haul because psychologically the hideous gambling lows (and the fallout) will always outweigh any positive mental effect any "winning" high will have. Apart from the fact the odds are in the bookies favour, when I chased losses desperately my judgement was clouded and the more losers I backed the worse it became. Pressure is also put on the gambler via the inevitable negative effect on personal relationships and possibility of their work suffering. If the gambler borrows from relatives or ( worse still is given money) to get out of the mire he/she sees it as "easy got" and it just ends up keeping the person chained to the nasty gambling treadmill. Relatives are better advised to refuse financial help to a CG and point them in the direction of gamcare or GA and maybe also the doctor if they are depressed.
McCawber got it bang on when he said something like "weekly income a shilling with outgoings 11 pence halfpenny equals happiness. Weekly income a shilling with outgoings a shilling and a halfpenny equals misery". Yep, it will always hold true.
When I experienced a bad losing day and all was lost, I'd promise myself I'd never gamble again and I would quit. If it was twenty days to payday I'd get by on next to nothing, even borrowing tins of beans and begging meals from relatives. When payday arrived, yes you've got it, straight on the computer or down to the nearest betting shop. The whole vicious circle started all over again.
I was always looking for the big win and that is like looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - It just doesn't exist. For every big winner you hear about in the UK there are thousands upon thousands of bigtime losers. It's been said before but it's true -CG's can never win enough to satisfy their greed. It always ends up with the chasing losses scenario and I know where that got me - it lost me my job and put me in a mental home for a while after a suicide attempt - gambling lost me one relationship and nearly aborted my current one as well.
It seems that some lessons are definitely learned in the hardest way and it can take years to complete that learning. In my case it's not been too late though. Working on the basis that we are only here once, it's a pity some of us can't learn a bit quicker !
Now I'm free of the gambling "chains" (well about eight months free) and life is not perfect but it is a lot better than the previous one I was "living" (if you can call it that). I devote my spare time on worthwhile hobbies and doing exercise. I've learnt money isn't the be all and end all either. I don't sweat about what I owe the banks at all as they can't "extract blood from a stone". Anyway, they operated the "casino" system of banking for years themselves so I don't cry at all over their losses.
I hope this post can help some of the younger people (or anyone for that matter) currently in the grip of the gambling curse. Don't hit a rock bottom akin to the one I hit with a massive sickening thud. You may not live to tell the tale.
The most important things to come out of the wreckage is I've held on to my marriage and I know I'll never gamble again. If I did my marriage would be finished. Biggest certainty yet is, I can't and won't let that happen.
Best Wishes to All.
Thank you for your post. I have lost a lot of money gambling. The financial loss has been mind boggling and mind numbing. Your words have given me some direction so thank you again and best wishes.
I can relate to every word you say and your pain is evident. I wish i had learned my lesson before now, it's not even the money it's the emotional turmoil that is the worst bit. I'm lucky, i have a great job and 3 lovely children who i cherish. I know i will get by financially but maybe that is the problem, i don't know. I have had very good periods of abstinence but when it comes crashing down it does so in very extreme measures. One thing i have observed down the years is that gamblers tend to be quite intelligent, insightful, sensitive people who know only too well the pitfalls of their own behaviour. Anyway i'm new here and hope to be around for a long time. Best wishes.
Hi and thank you for your posting. I wish you both well.
Take Care Now.
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