Hi all!
I'm new to the site and this is what I hope to be day 1!
Resorting to the measure of having to use a service and website like this pains me a lot, the admittance to myself is something I never thought I could do. After reading through plenty of posts I can see I've come to the right place and feel I can type freely about my experiences.
Where to begin?! I wouldn't say I gamble daily, but I do frequently. Usually I will go for a drink after work to pubs where I know there is/are machines(s) I "enjoy" playing. I will try my best to stay away from these machines and have a quiet pint on my own or with people from work/other friends. As much as I try to enjoy the post work pint I'm always distracted and keeping an eye on any machines in use and how someone is doing. If no one is playing then I will use the excuse of using the change from my pint to see if any thing is worth playing. Then the notes come out, then the bank card. No one stops me, colleagues and friends just leave me to it, staff always turn a blind eye even when I'm buying a drink just for more cashback!
I will chase and chase until my bank is empty some nights (last night). I self excluded from the casino over a year ago for obvious reasons. I thought that would help, but it seems I merely moved my habits into a different location. It's rare I go into bookies but when I do it never ends well, megaspins being my downfall. I get a rush from getting different features and trying new games. Again as with fruit machines, I will play until 0 and beyond.
Every month I try to pay off my outgoings as soon as possible and feel great getting a week to a fortnight into the month and think "I'm doing well this month I haven't gambled"..... A few days after this feeling I get the feeling that I can afford to have a gamble this month. This is a continuous cycle month by month.
I probably wouldn't be here if it were just me it is affecting. I have a fianc who I think the world of so much so the wedding plans are in motion for next year, the house viewings and mortgage meetings are in full swing and no doubt the patter of tiny feet will be around at some point in the next couple of years. We save as much as we can and are doing well. My credit rating isn't the best as you can imagine however we have had help from her parents towards the mortgage deposit.
How do I tell her, and parents?!
I had a mid month disaster last night and emptied my current account and maxed the credit card like an idiot (I make sure I have no access to the joint savings, it would be far too dangerous if I did). The guilt of having to explain I've lost 500 to an impulse I can't shift is unbearable.
How do I stop falling into this trap every month? I'm meant to be building the foundations to start a family not destroying them! How do I explain how scared I am of making these mistakes when we are committed to a mortgage or when I have others that depend on me. I want to be dependable so we can enjoy our life to come.
I need to stop, I want to stop! But how?! How do I do it in the long run?
Any help or advise would be great.
Apologises for the overload
Hi Sassy,
I am also new to this so have not got any answers to your questions i'm afraid. I just wanted to reply and say well done for finding your way here, it is a start and with all journeys they have to start somewhere. This is only day 2 for me and I have already had some feedback from very inspiring people in this forum.
I can personally relate to your month to month problem, I also cannot resist the temptation of slot machines and every month tend to blow most or if not all of my wages. I was an online gambler though and have never had urges to go in the bookies or pubs etc. The only way to stop is to stay away from places that this activity occurs, easier said than done admittedly. Try to find other ways to unwind after work. Be thankful for the things you in your life. (How would you feel if you no longer had your fiancee in your life?)
I really do wish you the very best with your journey and I hope that you find a way forward. The first steps are the hardest and you have taken the first one by reaching here. Good luck! 🙂
Hi Sassy91, welcome to the Forum,
Being here shouldn't pain you my friend, because it is a positive step; you are doing the right thing.
If you want to stop long-term, then time without gambling, zero tolerance, is the only think that will make your urges lessen.
Concentrate all your efforts on the time, the moment, just before you start; you have an element of control at this point, no matter how strong the urge - if you teach yourself to "ride the storm", then things will get easier for you in the coming weeks. Once you start, you are lost and little will stop you spiralling into oblivion.
You have to ask yourself whether you truly like those machines and those features; anything is exciting if you have money riding on it - would you play those machines if they were free with no winnings? Would you crave them?
Be honest with yourself my friend - you tell yourself you can have a gamble this month as you say, but that is irrelevant - it isn't about the size of the stake, it is what it will lead to, every time; you think about winning, but winning money is far, far, far more dangerous than losing because it will make you want to repeat that feeling of euphoria, almost straight away, which renders your previous, smaller stake meaningless, and leads you to spending more than ever, which invariably leads to losing. At least your might walk away at some point if you lose.
If the very best scenario is losing a small amount and walking away, then why do it my friend? Gambling will always be a lose-lose scenario for you; accept it, live with it and walk away - you are a good man, with a good future, in a fortunate position; it doesn't take a great deal to lose everything - I did, many times over, before stopping over five years ago.
As hard as it may be, your wife has a right to know what you are going through, especially if you are about to male a life-long commitment to her. Keeping quiet also increases the burden on your shoulders too - it is a lot to carry for just one person. If you don't, then you run the very real risk of her finding out by herself, which will be a hundred times worse than being honest and upfront. If you read the Family and Friends section, you will see it is almost always broken trust which is the hardest thing for a partner to cope with, far more than the money itself.
Take is slowly my friend, one day, one hour at a time if needs be. Test yourself - how much of a hold has this got on you? Do you need further help such as GA?
Most people, including myself, come here when it is far too late - you have a golden opportunity to change your life before it has a serious affect on others; you need to be at your absolute best if you are going to marry and have children - you are going to have people in your life who have to depend on you for everything - if that is the life you want, then you have have a responsibility to conquer this, and conquer it for good.
Well done again for taking this positive step - there is no shame in coming here; shame is for the people who don't admit their problems and don't want to do anything about it - you are not one of those people and you have every chance to live a happy, healthy and secure life, but you must be proactive - don't bury your head in the sand, work away at it; a recovery diary on here would be another good way of monitoring your progress.
JamesP
To 4evahopeful: thank you for your kind words, seems its the start of both our journeys and I wish you all the luck in the battles to come. I've spoken to a very helpful advisor from gamcare today and she's suggested other means to keep me occupied and stay away from temptations.
I couldn't be without her tbh and as difficult as it is going to be to tell her I couldn't imagine our future any other way than the way we have imagined it together. Gambling has no place In that future and can only jeopardise it. I can't keep chasing that fake euphoria when I've got a life of real euphoric moments waiting ahead of me!
And To JamesP:
I've seen you all over this forum in my brief time of being here and can tell you truly mean what you are saying. It will be zero tolerance from here on in and I will learn to "ride the storm" as you aptly put it. You are right once I bite it's hard to unhook so I'll not putting myself in dangerous positions.
I had free slot apps on my phone which I have now deleted to avoid being tempted by even the simulation.
I am sorry to hear it came too late for you but I wish you well on the ongoing fight and will seize this opportunity ready for the life long commitments I'm soon to make. I will remain proactive in this endeavour to build this life me and the future wife want together. I will set up a recovery diary so she can see what I'm going through even though I may not want to talk about it on any given day.
Hi half-life,
Your words have helped a lot, to see it from the other side is very important to me. I don't want to cause anymore disruption to our plans. I know this will upset her but as you say I need to face it head on and not bury my head in the sand any longer.
Thank you for the productive advice that I can implement within my life.
I'm sure you don't need to be told from me but you are very strong in standing by your husband and I applaud you for that.
All the best to the two of you!
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
