Hi
Before I begin I would like to appologise about the literature as this is the first thing I have written in years and English was never my strong point.
I want to tell you about my storie and finally get it all out there so I can start my recovery.
I started gambling hard on a stocks and shares app this time last year and lost about £18,000,
it starting small but then as I lost more I got loans to cover the credit cards and instead carried on gambling wiv money I didn't have.
It started off as a bit of fun but got totally out of hand and I got hooked, everytime I lost I just chased and chased untill it was all gone.
This was going on most of last year untill I finally came clean to my wife around Christmas.
I know not the best Christmas present I could of got her.
She was brilliant and helped me out with all the debt so we could back on track (well just about get by)
She's my rock and the love of my life.
Shortly after i had a complete melt down and wanted to end It all. I Got some support that i needed to get my head back on track.
I forgot to mention around the same time we had our first child a little girl that is my world.
I thought I had it all sorted and I had recovered with will power the the support of my family I could push through. Oh was I wrong.
I had still been on gambling websites to put on the odd accumulater and thought I had a grip on it all.
Untill April when I got a small loan out for a holiday I had booked up and other social events I had planned.
Well I had left over money and thought I would try my luck on the online slots, that was it my addiction came out more fearce then ever.
I started small again for a bit of fun then all hell let lose. I got credit cards and lost it all, I got loans to pay off those credit cards but spent it on gambling.
I was out of control again.
I have started missing payments as there is no way I can afford what I borrowed.
Why can't I go back in time and change all this, I was so happy with my life I have everything i every dreamed of.
we just recently bought a house, I have a beautiful amazing wife the most addorable little girl and we have just found out we have another one on the way.
What should of been the perfect family.
Now there's chance of losing the house as there's no way we can afford the debt and the chance of losing my family when my wife finds out about £12,000 on last gambling binge.
So brings me to today the scary bit.
Well I couldn't sleep at all last night thinking about what I had done again, how stupid I am, how can i risk everything i hold so dear for this stupid addiction.
With all my anger and hatred I have for myself I knew my family and the rest of the world would be better off with out me.
No useless husband
No useless dad
A way out of debt for my family as I have life insurance.
All that was going through my head was its the best option, this is one way you can take care of them.
That's all you want out of life is for your family to be happy and this is the way. (I know cowards way out)
So I spent alot of the time in the morning before work planning on what note to leave my wife, little girl and unborn child to make them understand it was for the best. They would be finacialy stabble again and everything would be ok.
So I got up ready to leave a note and was so ready to go end it all when suddenly my little girl woke up for her morning bottle.
She gave me the biggest smile and giggles because she was so happy to see her daddy. she's only 10 months old and she's already a proper little daddy's girl.
The tears rolled down my cheeks as I left for work and everytime I thought about that smile they started up again.
I lost count the amount of times I had to tell people at work, I just yawned that's why my eyes are watering. What was I thinking leaving this amazing baby girl without her dad.
I sit back thinking it could of easily gone the other way.
My little girl saved my life today.
So I am going to recover this time, things will be tough but that smile is imprinted in my mind to remind me what I am fighting for.
So if there is any advice on how people have come back from rock bottom please share.
Advice on finances
Advice on coming clean to my wife
Just a way to beat this demon and give me the fight I need to put things right.
Today is the day I will beat this.
get some proper help, by phoning, mailing, however just reach out and get professional help
I've been in some dark dark places through my gambling which has been with me for over 20 years now
Well done for taking the first step and I hope you can now take step 2 as well, however small that might be
Finances - All credit people say it but just DO NOT BURY YOUR HEAD! I'm going to be living for the rest of my life knowing that If I had confessed six weeks earlier I would be eligable for a mortgage now, instead I'm six years away
Wife - in My opinion, with hindsight, the sooner the better but maybe one for the pro's to advise some ways to approach but whatever it is make sure it is 100% honesty, in aspects of your life, for the first time in my adult life I have recently been 100% honest and it feels different
My dream is to one day sit on the beach with my kids and buy them an ice-cream, with my own money. Until I have no debt outstanding I see every penny I have as borrowed.
Best wishes with your challenge
Hi Slatts,
Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. It is a very honest and moving account of your situation and while you are often down and feel very low, you also know that you have much to live and get better for.
There is a lot of advice and support available to you. We have a list of debt advice agencies (charities) which offer advice free of charge here http://www.gamcare.org.uk/about-us/links-other-support-agencies
We can also give you some ideas about practical steps you can put into place to help you stop gambling and suggest face to face counselling options across the UK for you and maybe for your wife, too, should she so wish.
If you contact us on 0800 8020133 or via online chat on http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline, you can speak to an advisor one to one about all options available to you. No one will judge you on the helpline and you can discuss coming clean to your wife, too.
Our services are open from 8am to midnight every day.
All the very best to you!
Kind wishes
Gabriele
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
