I still Remember My Biggest Loss

Thats a fair point as people lose relationships and they lose their lives in the aftermath of extinction gambling.

I had lost my mind and I have lost the full trust of my parents perhaps for a lifetime. However I consider that loss of trust acceptable now in combating an addiction. Im not crying over that as I have to get on with my life. I have hurt my parents with lies and deception but we have discussed it. we all understand more about a gambling addiction. Its more about mind control illness than me trying to do them over with an evil laugh.

Financial matters Is how I felt judged and honestly speaking thats what seems to shock relatives the most coupled together with all sorts of fears and sadness. They can see that throwing essential money away is completely self destructive behaviour and they fear how irrational that is. I understand that they feel extremely hurt about the secrets and deception but at the time something else was driving me to replace the money and keep gambling

I suppose its lucky nobody was living with me but I took anybody else I could along for the ride. I was so depressed, I think it was a cry for someone to help or notice me before I did completely self destruct

I have been both a miser and a gambler in a split personality mess. Ive said countless times its a far more complex soup of depression, self loathing and anxiety

With therapy I realised that there were countless days when I didnt want to wake up but at the same time I wouldnt act on suicidal thoughts

So being honest I have many regrets but I do think about the money because money becomes so damned essential to living in this society.

Best wishes