it's been years of hell

Hi mate I know exactly where you coming from.

Gambler of 23 years lost around 400 thousands pounds out of my pocket rollover of over 1 milion pounds

Gamble free for 31 days exactly but I have placed one single sport bet on day 30 which lost thanks god.

Use to spend around £1500-£2000 on betting itself a month in last 31 days I have spend £25

What a difference right ?

Lied to lots of people have stolen a lot same life story 

I had an opportunity to gamble with over £700 pounds literally being given to me (someone offered to borrow me this money till.next week payday I thought I could make more by gambling but I quickly refused this offer!)

I would never ever refuse money given to me ever

This time I have I don't know why but I feel some negativity towards gambling since I only placed single sport bet for £25 in last 31 days

It's not the same buzz,same feeling like it use to be before.

I don't find that fuel in gambling no more then I use to get from it.

Try to not gamble for about a month my friend and let me know how you feel yourself.

Take care

It's mostly insecurity in our lifes that makes us gamble.Social  withdrawall is another reason why we do it.We are thinking that we are withdrawn from the society of Rich,successful people,and we are trying to obtain this by gambling.

Ask yourself a question,do you ever think about yourself that you're not as good as others in life,that you haven't achieved nothing,etc etc

Its our mindset that we put in our heads that we are something lower then other human beings that our lifes are not what we expected they would be by now

You have to set your mindset with positive things,attitude towards yourself,self-loving,be grateful for what you've got in your life,that you have legs,arms,you're able to walk,speak,eat,have food on the table,job,roof over your head and much more.Belief in God also helps but that's up to you.

We are most of times in our life ungrateful for what we got,you don't gamble because of dream that you will be millionaire from betting one day,your conscience already knows that you're not going to win from gambling

It's simple stupidity that's why we gamble,and believe me or not its much easier to stop gambling then drinking alcohol or taking drugs or even smoking.Substance controlling your body when you gamble its just in your brain.With alcohol or smoking or drugs addiction is mental and physical aswel.

50% easier to quit gambling then any other addiction,you might relapse at some points on your journey but at the end you will stop for good.

Hi

You say that you have never posted anywhere before, well thank you for your honesty and for reducing your fears.

I to had wasted so much time and money and was abale to see what I was doing was very unhealthy for me.

I use my addictiobns and obsessions to escape what I was feeling emotionally.

I was not a bad person, I was not evil, I was not stupid I was just emotionally vulnerable.

Yes it an eye opener when you add it all up.

The money was gone, and in truth to earn money was also time wasted, how many hours weeks months did it take me to earn that money and all I was doing was running away from myself..

When I walked in to the meetings the first day I did not know or understand how unhealthy I was.

I can not change my past yet I can learn from it.

My addictions and obsessions was me trying to run away from myself and my feelings.

My addictions and obsessions was just the symptoms as to how emotionally vulnerable I was.

In time I made the deicison to give up my unhealthy habits and exchange those unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

It was just like baby steps to each day say to my self just for today I will not gamble.

To understand that by going back to my unhealthy habits I simply made things much worse.

For me the recovery program would help me understand that I had lots of pains of the past that were not healed. 

I also had lots of fears that I needed to reduce and face.

I also had lots of frsutrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

I also had times I was very much aloner pretending to by some I was not.

I had many times I did not feel very productive in my self and  need to stop being bored.

I was able to reduce my procrastinating and write down lists of my needs my wants and in my on growing goals.

Being accountable to my self was a very healthy thing to do.

By being honest with my self I was coming out of denial about how emotionally vulnerable I was.

My talks and therapies in the rooms of recovery helped me articualte my feelings, I was able to open up and stop living in my fears.

By being so honest was about healing and learning reducing my fears and my trust grew in my self and with other people.

When I started sneaking away from life and people indicated how much fear I was living in.

The money lost can not be changed, it is done and gone.

Yet by taking my recovery seriously I can save my self from causing my self and any further self inflicted pains in the future.

In the recovery program I learned to heal my pains and reduce my fears and that was possible by me being honest with my self.

In time I was bale to help my self become a much healthier person.

I have the choice today to become a person I like to be.

By being honest in my recovery I saw and felt my self in the fears in other people.

It is only by my abstaining was I able to start healing my pains and reduce my fears.

When I was lying indicated how much fear I was living in.

By me writing down a journal or diary of my past, I was being more honest with myself.

By writing about my life and my behaviors I was facing my reality of how unhealthy I was.

Yet by being honest I could change today and my future.

To no longer live in my fears and start to be proud of who I am today.

I was never a bad person, yet I was a very emotionally vulnerable person.

My gambling was a way of me trying to run away from my self.

How insane that sounds it was true and honesty about my self.

The simple truth I could not continue running away from myself.

I'm not a loner.

My fears do not restrict my life today.

My pains are in the healing process today.

Living in depression, anxious, lonely, is not my life today.

I have in effect come out of my self today more and more.

The hurt inner child in me is healing and been set free.

The intmacy I wanted as a hurt inner child was not there for me in the past.

Sadly there were lots of people in my life that were very unhealthy, I no longer want to live an unhealthy life today. 

Just for today no more time wasting.

Just for today no more burying my pains.

Just for today no more fears holding me back.

Just for today no more chaos my life.

Just for today no more adrenaline rush from living in my fears.

Just for today no more self inflicted pains.

I was not born an unhealthy person.

Just for today I was not go back to the self destructive cycles and repeats.

Just for today I want to be the healthiest person I can be today. 

Dave L