I guess I've always known I've had a problem gambling. As a child rather than play the games at the arcade like my friends and sisters, I would play the 2p machines and as I've grown to learn I could not accept any losses. Fast forward 20 years and I should be looking at purchasing my first home, yet I'm in debt and upon writing this have just thrown away the last money available to me. My girlfriend of nearly a year knows nothing of my struggle with gambling. She just assumes I'm a bit loose with money. We are both looking at saving towards a house whether that be one each or a joint home. She would also like to do some travelling before such a big commitment.
Only at the age of 25 had I managed to put money together to pass my driving test. Yet here I am in a relationship with a girl who adores me, of which we could live a wonderful life and little does she know of the demons I face. I've often thought of problem gamblers as weak. Take it on the chin, accept responsibility and all that. Will power is not one of my attributes but it would be folly of me to suggest I have control over my finances.
I'm writing this now as a last chance saloon. One thing I have going for me is I have a job that pays well and whilst I have debt, it's only a few thousand and it could be cleared within 6 months. The biggest challenge is not the start but when you think you're in control again.
I'm thinking about telling my girlfriend of my problems. I would no longer be the funny, s**y man she loves, I fear I would be the pathetic weakling who cannot stop himself from what is obviously a path of destruction. Big decisions are upon the horizon, however first is first my relationship with gambling and money must change. It's now or never.
Morning,
Human imperfection is normal, inhuman perfection isn't achievable or desirable. Therefore you might be better to move the goal posts. Aim to be the best person that you can be - that includes overcoming the addiction but not being fault free or error free.
re gambling, I am the wife of a long term CG who found out the hard way ie he gambled for well over a decade behind my back and the addiction progressed to him clearing out our children's savings. Don't go there. The lies and deceit to me and our children were far worse than the financial losses. Also, gambling thrives on secrecy, any addiction does and that sort of secrecy involves deceit. And that sort of secret is a huge burden to carry. Recovery depends on honesty and if you're serious about your girlfriend, she needs to know, for all of these reasons.
There's a lot you can do to overcome the addiction, basic formula is blocks and barriers plus support. The idea is to keep the time money location triangle broken, take one of these away and you can't gamble. There's a lot of advice on the forum about blocking software and self exclusion, measures to limit your access to cash, suggestions about filling all the spare time.
Giving up is really hard, therefore you will need support. Again, available on the forum but best is GA, a room of people with the same problem and a common interest in overcoming it.
Hope this helps, wish you well.
CW
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